Horrible day

[Carus]

There's a good amount of acceptance in your post Buddy. Of the situation and of your reaction to it.

 

Yes it's a long and frustrating process and you've seen the setbacks I've had in the last 4 weeks.

 

But you're at least doing the right things... Writing out your thoughts, showing up to work, not becoming alcoholic etc....

 

I'm not sure how I'll go or how long it will take but I do hope to see better days ahead*

 

Right there with you Makeit*

 

Carus*

[Makeit]

There's a good amount of acceptance in your post Buddy. Of the situation and of your reaction to it.

 

Yes it's a long and frustrating process and you've seen the setbacks I've had in the last 4 weeks.

 

But you're at least doing the right things... Writing out your thoughts, showing up to work, not becoming alcoholic etc....

 

I'm not sure how I'll go or how long it will take but I do hope to see better days ahead*

 

Right there with you Makeit*

 

Carus*

 

Band of Brothers Carus. With you,Sputnick and a few others.

 

Its 7:00AM and I fell asleep at 1:30 AM and I am up again thinking of her. No its not a setback. This is just the norm while I heal. I watched a video where someone said you know youre over things when you can sleep thru the night.

 

Im am asking myself how in the world she could just throw away 4 years like that? We talked every single day. On and off all day. Thousands and thousands of text messages. All those nights together. The sex the laughter....4 years. And now its like I never existed. What kind of person could do that?

 

I guess I can file it with the two other times this has happened to me as well after this amount of time. Talk about a lack of faith in Love. I gave up so much.

 

This is not a setback. Just thoughts on paper. I think I went a good 5 minutes upon waking up before I thought of her. Was dreaming about something not related to her at all.

 

Its funny I wake up starving hungry and then think about her and then......not so much.

 

Got a Saturday planned with my daughter. Gonna head up to my favorite outdoorsman store. Im not quiet as sauve as you guys. A bit of a country boy. Gonna look at some lever action Rifles. This is my #1 Hobby. It feels good to have interest in it again as for awhile I had no desire to do anything that brought me happiness.

 

Gonna try and get back to sleep.

 

Thoughts on Paper.

[sputnik123]

Hey Makeit,

 

Band of Brothers.. I like it! :) (also an exceptional series, back in the day!)

 

"Im am asking myself how in the world she could just throw away 4 years like that? We talked every single day. On and off all day. Thousands and thousands of text messages. All those nights together. The sex the laughter....4 years. And now its like I never existed. What kind of person could do that?"

 

- I have the exact same thoughts buddy. In my instance, I was just instantly replaced by someone else, someone who didn't have a son to look after. This person then got all the messages, affection and the time spent together, straight away. I think in nearly all cases of this kind, there is another option waiting in the wings, at the least. It's just a way of the world. It makes it so much easier to do this. Doesn't make it right.

 

5 minutes without thinking about her is actually quite good. Not sure I have reached that mark yet. Maybe 2 minutes (gee, if she was reading this she would be fxxxing loving it!).

 

I hope you have a wonderful day with your daughter ! :)

 

We are all with you brother.

 

S x

[Makeit]

Update guys 27 days NC.

 

Well Ive been talking to someone. Not sure what to do with it. She messaged me on a dating site which I honestly just joined and kinda forgot about. I get messages almost everyday from what I would call low quality females. I just ignore but she seemed semi normal so we have been talking. Physically Id say shes cute but def not woah attracted to her. Not sure what to do. We have had very funny conversations and shes made me laugh which is nice. She wants to meet in a week.

 

My RL friends are all telling me to give it a chance. And atleast go on one date. I dont know what is the right thing to do at this point. Im enjoying the conversation and attention and its making me feel less terrible. Thoughts?

 

Not much to say about the Ex today. The vision of her is dissapearing in my head. Which makes me sad. But currently I am not wanting to go jump off a building at the same time.

[Carus]

My RL friends are all telling me to give it a chance. And atleast go on one date. I dont know what is the right thing to do at this point. Im enjoying the conversation and attention and its making me feel less terrible. Thoughts?

Well just go back and read everything you said to me.... :)

 

Hopefully she's more responsive than mine...!

Not much to say about the Ex today. The vision of her is dissapearing in my head. Which makes me sad. But currently I am not wanting to go jump off a building at the same time.

Yeh same for me...I feel her fading at times and it does make me sad....Soon she'll just be a forgotten imprint like all my other exes...even though she was so much more than any of them.

 

No buildings for me...Maybe a train... ;-)

 

Getting attention from new girls does make you feel good in that moment....Just watch your heart though buddy. You've been following my Jessica story and I think you are in a very similar place to me*

 

:)

[Makeit]

Exactly how I feel about the fading memory part. Sucks so much that she will soon be placed in that same category of my other ex’s.

 

As far as the new girl. She def has more interest in me then I do her. Which bums me out. I want to fall for someone again. Im just afraid I am using her as a emotional crutch/rebound. But everyone is telling me to atleast go on one date. I dunno.....I hate dating. I hate my situation and I hate my ex for putting me back in this place.

[sputnik123]

Hello Makeit,

 

I hope you and your daughter had a nice day together.

 

Sorry to say, I have literally no experience in dating sites, internet dating, Tinder etc, but dear *Carus is right.. I think the way we are feeling at present means it's very likely that anyone interested in us wouldn't currently get "all" of us, would they (?).

 

Have fun, by all means, but watch your heart buddy.

[Makeit]

After doing some thinking I realized I wasnt attracted to this girl. I feel bad but I havent had much conversation with her today. I think shes realizing Im not interested. Desperate to feel something for someone isnt a reason to string a girls emotions along to try and bandaid my pain. I do know that if I find someone I am interested in I will pursue it. Silver lining of this situation. Problem is.....I rarely get that feeling for anyone. Heartbroken or Not.

 

Had a longggg text convo with my kids mom today. It was actually kinda good. She said a lot of good things about me. And altho neither of us are interested in each other anymore it did help me feel better.

 

Coming to grips that I might be single forever at this point. Doesnt feel good. I cant force feelings for someone anymore then I can force my ex to come back. Feeling like I have no control over this aspect of my life sucks. Waiting for the universe to perform a miracle and put someone in my life that catches my eye is making me feel pretty down.

[Morello]

You will go through this. You will fall in love again. I guarantee. All you need is patience. It's hard, I know but it's a great quality to develop anyway.

[Carus]

I have to agree with Morello*

The chances of you finding love again are greater than not if you stay open to it....

 

Take it from this old dog who's been in 100 relationships... The last few which were 'the very last time'.....

 

Carus

[hawk2347]

Hi makeit I'm also from Ohio and a country boy what lever action are you looking for. I was in a 4 year relationship, same thing thousands of messages and phone calls and pictures everyday communication. Then replaced by someone with no kids and really no responsibility our story sounds very similar. When I asked why she said we just clicked. I have been spending a little time with someone else now but like everyone on here says go slow have fun watch your heart. Time heals some of this but not all And memories may fade but they never go away. Nobody is perfect but in my mind she made a mistake I cant convince her of that or change her mind and I wont try. But honestly its the hardest thing ive been faced with so far in my life. My divorce was easier.

[Makeit]

Hi makeit I'm also from Ohio and a country boy what lever action are you looking for. I was in a 4 year relationship, same thing thousands of messages and phone calls and pictures everyday communication. Then replaced by someone with no kids and really no responsibility our story sounds very similar. When I asked why she said we just clicked. I have been spending a little time with someone else now but like everyone on here says go slow have fun watch your heart. Time heals some of this but not all And memories may fade but they never go away. Nobody is perfect but in my mind she made a mistake I cant convince her of that or change her mind and I wont try. But honestly its the hardest thing ive been faced with so far in my life. My divorce was easier.

 

 

Hey brother. I looked at the Henry and Marlin Levers. Would like to get a brass Henry one day.

 

Anyways tonights Update. I was off work. Days off work are always better! I feel safe knowing I wont see or hear about her at work. Her sister still works for me. Tomorrow is another story tho as Im usually off but have to go in to handle something. Praying to the gods that she doesnt show up as her sister will be working and she knows Im usually off on Wednesday.

 

Id say today was a decent day overall. Spent time with my daughter and worked on my hobbies a bit. Hoping for no setbacks tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well.

[sputnik123]

Hello Makeit,

 

Glad you had a better day.

 

Working with her and family doesn't sound great, so I send you strength in dealing with it!

 

Your daughter and focusing on hobbies and interests will help you with moving forwards.

 

Putting your updates on here helps too :)

 

S x

[Makeit]

Yes I dont work with her anymore thank the gods. Just her sister. Who sometmes I overhear her say things about her. I hate it. Fingers crossed I get in and out with no issues. Will update tonight.

[Makeit]

Update. Today marks a month NC and almost 40 days since I saw her last. Work went by today without incident. Thankful for that. Went to the gym for the first time since the BU. It was tough but I forced myself to. Ive lost a good 10 lbs since this so it was a struggle to my usual high level of performance.

 

Pretty lonely today. Just having one of those days I guess. Still wishing she would knock on my door. Even tho Deep down I know the chapter has ended. What can I say.

 

This month has been such a blur for me. I feel like Im in survival mode and just pushing to the next day and the next. Hoping and wishing something good will come my way. Some form of happiness. Still I guess I have to be proud Ive made it this far. Im to the point where I have seen some healing. And I emphisis some. Hoping for some kind of eventful update other then the same old struggle.

[sputnik123]

hello brother,

 

Congrats on the month NC! I promise you, it's easier from here.

 

Getting back into the gym is great,. I don't gym, but do alot of walking and running and it really helps, for exercise and thinking!

 

"Pretty lonely today. Just having one of those days I guess. Still wishing she would knock on my door. Even tho Deep down I know the chapter has ended. What can I say. "

- Be thankful she doesn't buddy :)

 

You should be very proud of yourself and think positively! Good things are round the corner, for sure.

 

S x

[Carus]

Sending you Strength Buddy.

 

Just hang in there ok. I wish we lived together, then we could motivate each other to get in the gym... I need to get back in there.

 

C*

[Makeit]

Well I screwed up again and looked at her social media. Why do I do this to myself. Shes been dating already which Doesnt surprise me at all. Her profile pretty much reads like I never existed. So I guess this is the closure Ive been secretly looking for. Took a giant step back in my depression but Maybe now I can actually climb myself out now. Hard days ahead.

[sputnik123]

Hello brother,

 

I'm feeling your pain.. I haven't looked at Social Media as I know exactly what I will get from it.. a world of fresh pain.

 

It is just self-harm mate, please try and refrain.. do anything else, if you get the urge. literally anything else.

 

She knows in her mind and heart that you do exist. It's not called "Fakebook" for nothing!

 

Chin up. We are all here.

[Makeit]

Im not too down on myself. In a way I needed this. At the cost of ripping open fresh wounds. Maybe now I can really move on.

[Carus]

Hi Makeit* ~ Got your PM.

 

You will keep moving on yes....

 

We all know it's not good to go looking at their social media yet we all do it at some stage.....

 

Of course it sends you backwards but just put that one behind you and keep going buddy!

 

I just did a vid on my channel called 'The Pain is Real'....See if it helps you*

 

Be Patient With Yourself

Carus*

[Makeit]

Hi Makeit* ~ Got your PM.

 

You will keep moving on yes....

 

We all know it's not good to go looking at their social media yet we all do it at some stage.....

 

Of course it sends you backwards but just put that one behind you and keep going buddy!

 

I just did a vid on my channel called 'The Pain is Real'....See if it helps you*

 

Be Patient With Yourself

Carus*

 

 

Already watched it. Enjoyed every min. You seemed in good spirits in the video aside from the....not so good moments. Almost broke me down at work watching those. But the rest you seemed to be doing better. Seems like we swapped places as I was feeling better recently. 🙁

[sputnik123]

Hello brother,

 

I do admire your honesty.

 

You have to really feel it, to heal from it... so you are getting there.

 

Keep moving forwards.. all here for you.

 

S x

[Morello]

Hi Makeit, I hope this unfortunate event helps you move on. Having hope is the worst thing in the process of healing. And it decreases the chances of your ex sending breadcrumbs too. So in the long term, it's a win.

[Makeit]

Thanks guys. Having a rough day today. Alternating anger and sadness. Been getting a lot of headaches lately too. Par for the course I guess. Not much to report other then that. Valentines day is fast approaching. Thankful that I will have that day off and get to spend it with my daughter. Cant believe its been over a month already. Still feels fresh. Could really really really use something positive in my life right now. Come on universe.