SHYGIRL2017 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 This might be a strange post but I am starting to feel that my "relationship" is changing who I am. I have been in my relationship for almost 2 years now. things have never really ran smoothly ( I have posted previously) I have always thought I was a nice person, honest, likes to laugh, not argumentative, always wants to spend time with friends etc but I feel I am losing that now. I feel so angry all of the time, I get angry so easily now with things. We argue all the time and a lot of the time I don't think I am wrong but I always end up saying sorry to keep the peace and basically take the blame. I am constantly being accused of lieing. Yeah I have admitted that I have waited to tell him things before because I just didn't want to because I always felt he didn't want me to do it and there would always be some sort of confrontation. I have always been a family girl but I never see them anymore (my partner says he has no issue with me going to see them but I always feel deep down he does but he says its in my head) I hardly ever see my friends anymore. YES I understand when you are in a relationship and living together you cant do this as much but I feel like a hermit. Again he says he has no issue but its got to the stage I feel that guilty about wanting to organise things that I just don't anymore. (Makes me feel like total crap) He does say he only as an issue because we don't go out as much but he has 3 boys and we have them every weekend so you must understand it is difficult??? I am also 9 years younger and was in a relationship from 20 until 27 when I met him so sometimes I do feel like I have missed going out partying etc Is this bad???? The past few months have been very difficult financially and I basically had to put all my 30th birthday money into the bank to survive and tried so hard not to spend any money on holiday (mum took me away to the canary island for my birthday) I must say he did tell me when I was away how difficult things were back home which obviously made me super guilty but I got angry again ??? I feel like I resent him because I haven't got to spend any of my birthday money whatsoever, is this really wrong ???? Am I horrible for thinking like this??? I have never been in this financial situation ever before, living month to month. I have always been stable and had savings but its all gone now. I am stressing out constantly and I cant tell my mum because she stresses enough. My cousin died just before I went on holiday so I need money to go to the funeral as well which I have no clue where I will get this from!!!! He is awlays telling me I am immature and need to grow up. Also that I am selfish. I have never thought of myself as selfish before. Ppl that know me will tell you that I always put others before me and that I am one of the least selfish ppl you will ever meet. Am I just not capable of a serious relationship ??? Yes these are words he has used before. I love him and his boys but something inside me feels so different now :( I don't feel like me anymore. Well not around him anyway. Walking on eggshells constantly so I don't "cause any arguments" I honestly don't feel like I am to blame but to me its better to take the blame and let the argument stop than to keep going. He doesn't let go until i agree basically. Well that's how I feel but he sees it totally different. I CONSTANTLY DONT FEEL GOOD ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ALL THE TIME ETC. There is soooooo much more to my story but I just wondered if someone or a relationship is capable of changing who you are??? I feel so tired Any advice would be great x Link to comment
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