Having a ‘time out’ how to handle this?

[Jadee]

Hi guys,

So me and my now ex boyfriend had been together for 2 years, I honestly thought he was the one. We was saving for a mortgage going to try for babies after. I literally had my life mapped out. We did argue a lot and the other day he had just said he had had enough and that he wanted a break.. he didn’t want to end it completely but he just needed time. So after crying and asking a million questions I agreed to it. We said we would give it 2/3 weeks then talk about things. So I then rang him that night and the next day with more questions e.g. are we going to talk to other people? Which he replied no nothing has changed I just space. So two days a lot I didn’t contact him we both had a day off so it was really hard. Then around 11 he rang me after dropping his nan home so we was just talking about then he said it’s just a time out don’t be too upset I’m sure we will sort things. So that was that I kept the conversation short as I said I was going to sleep. Then yesterday I didn’t hear from him at all which brings me here. I know it’s only been a day but I’m really worried now. Have I ruined things? Why didn’t he contact me? Should I contact him? Is there someone else now?

It’s safe to say I am struggling with how to cope with things and I just need to advice.

Pleaseee...

[DanZee]

Hmm. What part about 2/3 weeks don't you understand? Since you're light on details, I would say that if you're arguing all the time, there's something wrong with the relationship and your bf wants out so you should give him the 2/3 weeks to think about things.

[Yeray2018]

Hi guys,

So me and my now ex boyfriend had been together for 2 years, I honestly thought he was the one. We was saving for a mortgage going to try for babies after. I literally had my life mapped out. We did argue a lot and the other day he had just said he had had enough and that he wanted a break.. he didn’t want to end it completely but he just needed time. So after crying and asking a million questions I agreed to it. We said we would give it 2/3 weeks then talk about things. So I then rang him that night and the next day with more questions e.g. are we going to talk to other people? Which he replied no nothing has changed I just space. So two days a lot I didn’t contact him we both had a day off so it was really hard. Then around 11 he rang me after dropping his nan home so we was just talking about then he said it’s just a time out don’t be too upset I’m sure we will sort things. So that was that I kept the conversation short as I said I was going to sleep. Then yesterday I didn’t hear from him at all which brings me here. I know it’s only been a day but I’m really worried now. Have I ruined things? Why didn’t he contact me? Should I contact him? Is there someone else now?

It’s safe to say I am struggling with how to cope with things and I just need to advice.

Pleaseee...

 

First you both agreed to not talk for 2-3 weeks and then you rang him that same night after you had this discussion and asked many questions. A day goes by and he rings you and reassured you that this is only a break, he is not going to see other people, things will work out and he just needs space. Am I understanding this accurately??

 

If so, then why can't you just keep your agreement and let the man have his space?? He can't have space if you keep calling him every other night. You both agreed 2-3 weeks with no contact so do that! When a man requests space you respect that request. Do you have friends or family you can hang out with to keep your mind off of the break?? Any hobbies to keep your mind busy too?? I know it's an uneasy feeling. I have been in this situation before but you just have to trust that things will work out for the best and try to keep yourself busy so you aren't driving yourself nuts with anxiety and worry.

[Wiseman2]

It all depends on what the arguments are about. Is he on board with how you have everything "mapped out"? It seems you want more commitment than he does and decided it's time to buy a house and start a family. When someone retreats they are feeling pressured or have fatigue from too much arguing or slowly want to end it because of incompatibilities. Do not keep contacting him. Reflect on what your differences are.

I literally had my life mapped out.

[Yeray2018]

Wiseman2 has a good point. It does depend on your arguments. Maybe your "mapped out" life was too much pressure for him and he decided he needs to reflect on what he wants and then will have a discussion with you later on when he figures that out.

[Honeycomb8]

When a guy wants space, it's not a hint to call him the next night or to hound him. Respect him and give him the space he wants. Keep urself busy.