pokergod Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 So my ex and I (she is 25, I am 32) have been out of contact for almost a full year after being together for 3 years.. There were things i used to do when we were together that used to irritate her like playing too much xbox and betting on sports daily (it wasnt a large amount of money, maybe 10 bucks a day).. but since we have been apart, i have severely limited my xbox time (barely play anymore) and gambling to one or two days a week. I have made drastic changes to my lifestyle too and am much more confident and composed then I ever have been. Anyway, We had a bit of a messy breakup, and she ended up dating someone pretty much right away afterwards (she called it a rebound). I dated a couple of girls for a short time, had rebound sex with them, and then realized after a short time of hanging out with these girls that we were not compatible. I had a seriously hard time moving on from the relationship because i cared so much about her and it hurt me to much to watch her jump in bed with another guy right away. Anyway, long story short, I was on tinder a couple weeks ago, and do what i usually do, swipe right and see who i match with, without looking at pictures or profiles. Well low and behold, i match with a girl that was her name and age, but her picture was just of the outside of an airplane window. I messaged hey how are you, and a couple days later, got a response. After a few messages back and forth, i began to realize that this was my ex, and when i asked, she admitted it. We talked for a bit on tinder, and then agreed to text offline. So we started texting, everything going fine, playing it cool, just catching up, when I had the idea of us possibly meeting up. I expected her to turn it down, but she agreed. So we went out one night just driving around in my car, got a coffee and shooting the $**t. What was supposed to be a one or two hour meeting turned into 6.. we were having fun, enjoying each others company, reminiscing on old times and bringing up some old inside jokes. Well, we kept talking, and kept hanging out every single day, going on random dates, going out for drinks and dinner, going to the movies, bowling, fun stuff I didnt used to do with her because of low finances (which is not a problem anymore as I have a good job making close to 100k per year). One of the nights we went to dinner, she mentioned she was moving back home (we moved away from home across the country together before we broke up).. it was funny how that worked, because the job I have now allows me to fly home for two weeks off, and work out here for three weeks (rinse and repeat) and this is the same type of job I had when we originally met.. Anyways, the last couple nights have been interesting to say the least... I asked if she would like to have drinks at my place with me, to which she agreed, even brought the vodka with her. I tell her before she comes over that she could have my bed and i would sleep on the couch. She said we will see what the night brings. So we drink, talk, order food and juust have a relaxing night in. She began to get tired, so i asked her if she would like to go to sleep, she said she did, so i took her up to the room, where i asked her if she would like me to stay with her or sleep on the couch, either way i didn't care, but she told me i could stay with her. I did not make a move on her or anything, i wanted to respect her because its not my style to make a move on a drunk girl, even if she was my ex. We woke up the next day, laid in bed, watched a movie together, then both got up and went out to lunch together, stayed together the whole day, then went back to my place again, had a couple more drinks, watched a movie together, went on a late night mcdonalds run, and then came back, watched another movie, and fell asleep. The next morning (not knowing what her true intentions were) i asked her where the wanting to hang out and spend the night with me suddenly came from? she said "well i guess i wont stay over anymore" (totally avoiding the question).. i was irritated by that answer, and told her that she has to know something by now as it has been two weeks straight of seeing each other.. she said she didnt know yet, but still had feelings for me and wasnt saying no to being with me again, but doesnt want to rush into anything with me. I am totally fine with that and agreed with her, I do not want to rush right back with her either, but I was expecting a little more than "i dont know".. Anyway, I asked her if this meant something to her, and she said "yes it does, but I cant promise it will be something", to which i responded "thanks for your time". I was not looking for promises, I wanted to know what her intentions were. She asked if I was done.. To which i told her that it took me months to get to the point where I am now at in my life, and that I did not want to be left vulnerable in unknown territory in case i was going to get my heart broken again.. I told her that without some sort of straight answers to one or more of my inquiries, that I would not continue to pursue anything with her.. some of you may think this is an ultimatum but it hardly was, I just wasn't going to wait around for weeks for her to move home again, not knowing what she wanted out of this. She said she can promise you there wouldn't be another guy, and that she is not trying to talk to another guy (which tells me that she is leaving the door cracked open in case one does come along, but wont necessarily look for it) I told her that that was only a piece of the issue at hand, and that I would be going to work for two months (working my days off this time around) and that if she wants to talk to me before then, it would have to be in person and we would have to at least address some of these things. She responded with "its not fair im busy with work and trying to get things organized to leave." So i said the first thing that came to mind, which was "so if i didnt bring up these things that were slightly bothering me, you're saying you wouldnt see me again before i leave to go to work for a couple months?" she said "I didn't say that at all".... Da fuq????? "so what are you saying then?" to which she responded "I don't know what YOU want" I have yet to respond to that message and it was earlier this evening .. I feel these are games being played by her.. If you ask me if i still care for and love this girl, i would have to respond that I do.. we share an unreal connection that I have yet to ever find in a woman, but I don't want to play another game with her.. what is my best plan of attack to this situation? I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to get my heart torn out either, double-edged sword, i know.. any and all advice on this would be great! Thanks everyone! Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 It does sound like she's messing with you, but go ahead and tell her what you want. You are already at a point where you're going to hurt if she gives a negative answer, but at least you will know where you stand. If you tell her and she's still wishy washy and noncommittal I think you go back to nc and keep working on yourself. If she's serious about trying again she will not try to leave the door open for another guy. She will go all in (slowly is fine) but she will not see others while she's trying to reconnect with you. Link to comment
pokergod Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Do you think it would be better for me to just step back, not respond and just see how or if she comes around at all, in a more positive light? Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Are you asking if I think you should just ignore her last text? The answer IMO is to tell her what you want and see how she responds. I wouldn't ignore her. You've already started "the talk." May as well get your answer. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Yeah tell her how you feel and see what she says. If she doesn't feel the same, you have your answer and you go no contact and move on. Link to comment
pokergod Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 i received a wishy washy answer from her again, now she is saying shes so stressed out about moving (which is bull all shes doing is transferring her job across the country and staying at her parents for a few months).. her dad is also flying out here and driving back home with her and helping her the whole way. So i just said "well here, allow me to ease your mind a bit" .. she said "what, how?" and i blocked her number. its all i can do at this point. if she cant see my worth by now and what i bring to the table then f**k it. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Haha I like it. Well unfortunately it sounds like she is just playing you. Maybe she likes having you as an option or as emotional support. But if she loved you and wanted to be with you she wouldn't be wishy washy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Sorry to hear this happened. This sounds pretty definitive that it's over:she mentioned she was moving back home Link to comment
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