I did hurt my military macho boyfriend

[isabelle49000]

Hello my name is Isabelle. I am sorry for that terrible english I try my best

 

I am 28 years; I own a little hairdressing studio in Paris. My 24 bf is a military and a bit macho.He regulary tease me cause my job is "easy" and it's "girly"or because of my overweight... I know it's half for laughing and half serious but sometimes it s annoying...

 

Anyway, unless his macho behaviour all is great but with the work and daily things to do I struggle to get some time with my bf. To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together. What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport but he refuses, he wants tennis but i hate racket sport... So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let's try it...

 

Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the "fight part" in the end of the lesson. Sometimes at home we discuss about the move together.

 

Last week, my partner was away so just before the fight part my bf look at me with a "challenging smile". He ask me to try it with him telling me "so?let's fight fatty". He tease me a bit telling me he'll show me "who's my boss", "it's not cutting hairs" bla bla bla ... I am 10cm taller and outweight him for....... a lot of kg so sure let's do it!

 

 

We hang each other kimono and turn around. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right. I notie I can move him pretty easily. Then I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I wrapped by arm around his head, block hos shoulders on the ground and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). I can't stop that large smile on my face while his turn all red struggling. I help him to get up and prepare for the 2nd round.

 

Now he seems really focus. I still smile while he seems really serious. He try to crotch my leg but I counter him. I pull his kimono and fall on him again. On the ground I sit on his chest and block his arm. He struggle but almost cant move anymore. I bend it and stare at him whispering to his ear "give up babe your fatty got you hihihih!". He seems to refuse at first. I lick his cheek and tease him saying where is the tough soldier now? He seems really mad at me. Finally I bend a bit more his arm and he tap 3 times the ground saying ok ok ok I give..

 

I get up and prepare for the 3rd round. i just can't stop my little laugh but he walk and sit on a bank, waiting for the end of the lesson...

 

He asked me to drive and I struggle to not have the bizarre silence that can sometimes happen. He just say nothing and i make a monologue about housework or whatever. Seems that he told me he doesnt want to go there anymore. I laugh a bit at first asking him if it's because I beat him but he answer me aggressivly that no, he just think it's suck.

 

Seems that, I haven't talk to him about that anymore but he look different, like he worry about something or i don't know. He's so cold with me, never laugh and seems even a bit depress...

 

I really didn't want to hurt him or whatever and now I don't know how can I fix that.

 

Do you have an idea?

[Pleasedonot5]

I mean, maybe Judo just wasn't the right activity for you both. I'm not macho, but I'd feel weird about my significant other body slamming and sitting on me too haha.

 

Definitely think he needs to get over himself though.

[Clarisse]

Your problem isn't that you hurt your boyfriend, it's that he's an insensitive, verbally abusive jerk.

 

So how do you fix the real problem? You drop this guy and find a man who loves and appreciates you.

[panther]

You don't have to fix anything and honestly I think he is disrespectful towards you, teasing you about your job and your weight (even if it's just to be funny).

He seems to have some ego problems and one of his ways of dealing with it is putting others (in this case, you) down. His ego problems are his problems and not your job to make him feel better about what happened, especially since he doesn't seem to do much to make you feel good about yourself either.

 

You can try to set your boundaries about him teasing you, say you don't like it and that he should stop it.

[yatsue]

As someone who participated in judo, he is being a complete poor sport. I would spar with guys all the time, some would win and some would lose. They would never get upset about it though.

 

Heck, I even kid around with my partner with some play wrestling. He never gets mad, although I never go all out with him. I have even had him in some locks and he doesn't get all pissy about it.

 

Your guy sound like he has an inflated ego and flat out insults you. Why are you not mad about this? Really, martial arts are about defending yourself against opponents that have an upper hand. If he can't take a girl beating him, he won't like it.

[DancingFool]

He is not macho, he is very insecure. Also, he is very insulting with you. Why do you put up with him? He puts you down, he insults what you do, he insults how you look. This isn't to be funny, this is because he is an insecure jerk who is making himself feel good by being mean to others. He is weak in more ways than one. There is nothing macho or manly about this. Your boyfriend is a complete loser and if you carry on with him, you will have a very difficult and miserable life with him because people like him don't get better, they just get worse and more skilled in their insults.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he is verbally abusive.