Torn on what to do...

[ShannonM10]

I am in a bit of a dilemna right now and could really use some advice. So there is a girl I work with who I have recently become close with. We had worked together a few times but it wasnt until the last 2-3 months we started hanging out more and messaging eachother. The thing is, I feel drawn to her for whatever reason, she is about 5 years younger to me and maybe she reminds me of myself, so I have this innate feeling that I want to be close to her. Anyways on new years we all went out, and it was a fun night, but at the end of the night she kind of just dissapeared with her best friend and abandoned me downtown. I was supposed to stay with her and there was no way u would get a cab at that time on new years. I was pissed, made it back to her apartment and called her out on it. I have had prior friendships that have been flaky and ty like that, and it made me feel that way all over again and made me feel very uncomfortable. I knew emotions were heightened cause of drinking but i told her how I felt because I believe in clear communication. She apologized profusely and I told her not to do it again, as I would cut off the friendship.

 

Anyways, everything was fine, put it behind us and I asserted my boundaries and we seemed to be ok. We had made plans about a week or so ago for her to come over this weekend and cook and drink wine. I confirmed on tues and then reconfirmed yesterday when I was at work. She said she would be there, I also invited another friend. After confirming with her I get home and start getting ready. I get a text from her saying she may be a little later and then another one not even 10 min after that saying "I think im gonna stay here if thats ok'. I was pissed to say the least, I had bought 80 dollars worth of booze, food and was cooking...it was 6 at night...I had not made any other plans..and I felt like a fool. I messaged her back saying "if thats what you want to do'. No response..and when my other friend that came had messaged her asking her when she was coming she didnt even respond to that.

 

I mean I get if she was having a good time that she didnt want to leave, but when I make a commitment to someone and things may be up in the air..i TELL them. The fact that she couldnt even respond to me after says alot....I dont want to guilt her but I was really hurt, cause yet again it brought me back to that feeling of those flaky friendships I have had in the past.

 

I guess I am asking if i should just never text her again and if she makes the move then tell her then. Or if I should message her and basically say that I expect mutual respect as I value my friends time and I expect the same in return. And a friendship that is unbalanced like that is not one I want to persue. Am I overreacting>??> It just seems like such a disrespectful thing to do to someone...and then to not even own up to it boggles my mind. I guess shes younger and maybe emotionally immature but seriously??? How do you not think thats a crappy thing to do?? She was so upset thinking I was mad at her last time and then pulls this 2 weeks later?

 

Im sorry for the long read, any advice it appreciated. I have a hard time not giving people chances and thats why i have been hurt in the past and maybe being a little overly sensitive...but at the same time is it better just to go the silent route and let her make the effort?? Thanks again guys

[ControlDenied]

She doesn’t value your presence. So do not give it to her. I would erase this person from my life. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you.