Kocik Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hi guys, I have been processing the situation me and my partner are in and have been having really conflicting thoughts in my head. I think I could really use some advice. I apologize in advance if the way I word things is a bit weird. English is not my first language and I do speak multiple languages, so I do not always express things in the best way. I am a middle child from an Asian family, and he is an only child from a European family. We live in Canada and are both university students. He is in engineering and I am in nursing (we met because we were actually in the same engineering class but I switched into nursing). You can probably guess from what we're in that we are both really busy, and do not have much time for things other than school. In the beginning of the relationship, I tried to do as many things for him as possible (cooking, laundry, cleaning,...etc), but after realizing that I was putting too much stress on myself, I cut down on the number of things I'd do for him. He did not seem to understand why I was so stressed out and said, "I never asked you to do those things for me" when I told him that I did not feel like we were putting equal efforts into the relationship. When we lived together, he would go home to see his parents on weekends and when I asked him to stay for one weekend, he said, "but I see you 5 days of the week". The thing is, we were so busy during weekdays, there was no quality time whatsoever. It was really heartbreaking to realize that he did not even crave spending quality time together. I do understand that he is the only child and his parents would prefer having him home but would staying for one weekend even hurt that much? My parents live in a different province and I'm lucky if I get to see them every 4 months. At family gatherings at his house (for example Christmas dinner), he would be painfully quiet, and I'm left to try to have conversations with people at least 30 years older than me or his little cousins who are too awkward to even answer my questions. I brought this up to him 2 days ago and he literally said, "I did not feel awkward at the dinners at all, why would you feel awkward? I always just listen to the conversations at the table. If you want a conversation you can join in, why don't you start one? Why do you need me to start one". I was left completely speechless, and had no idea what to say. Isn't it common sense that if you have a guest over at a family event, you are the one responsible to keep your guest comfortable? Are these problems there because we have different backgrounds/ me being a middle child/ him being an only child? And is there even anything I can do about them? Please help. Any input would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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