Sabrina918 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I had a strange breakup with my ex. It started with him asking for a break and saying he's too busy to focus on a serious relationship to date (and he would let me know if he did-BS) to weeks later me seeing a girl who was following him on ig posting a story at his place. In his mind it was over and so I sent a text on that day (his bday) and let him know I knew the truth and it's over. Done. But he still follows me on social media. And watches stories and comments on posts and finally got the courage to text me after 4 months. But why? How can a man be so disrespectful to a woman to act like that but continue to follow them and comment on there like nothing happened. He follows another 400 women who tend to be from Colorado where he went to school so in guessing there are exs in that bunch too. In all fairness, I continued following him mainly bc I couldn't let go the first two months and wanted an item back from him but that ship has now sailed. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Because he wants to keep you on a string if/when this new girl doesn't work out. Which means, given that he has 400 other women that he follows, as you said, that several of them are probably exes. So he has a rotating harem of women at the ready that he can contact at the drop of a hat. He knows that you know he's reading your IG stories. He knows how that works. He knows you see his comments and his likes, and he does it on purpose: it keeps him on your mind, and it prevents you from fully moving on, so that if/when he decides to contact you again, you'll be weaker than you would be if you had fully moved on and found a new guy. Which, BTW, I think you should. Which means: Block him completely. Delete him from your phone, block him from accessing your SM. I know you won't do this, because rarely anyone follows this advice, but I promise you, you will be back here in a few months with a new thread about him, if you don't. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I personally cringe at the thought of ex's having access to my personal life. It's should be considered a privilege. In this case, it's a privilege he doesn't deserve. Block him Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Is this the doctor who shares his bed with his coworker? Link to comment
Sabrina918 Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 This is great advice! Thank you very much Lhgirl. I've blocked him on everything but instagram mainly bc I wanted access to know when he reads and sees things. (I desperately wanted a bracelet back). My other reason for not blocking and removing was I thought that shows me as weak. Like I'm still so hurt four months later that I'm holding out a vengeance. I'm dating again but the ramifications of that relationship I'm sure will still affect me for years to come! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I do not friend men I date nor otherwise connect with them on social media. I don't think its appropriate. One of my exes still includes a picture of us as a couple among his public pics that show up at the top of his fb profile. Oh well. At least I look pretty in that pic. lol I sometimes look at my exes on fb. If I do, I am usually gossiping about them with myself. Just being nosy, seeing if their new gf has dumped them yet or whatever. Maybe I am showing a pic to a friend like, HE WAS SO HOT but just NUTS. HA. There is no opportunity to assign meaning to someone else's actions. If you don't like it, you have to block or otherwise update your privacy settings. Change your profile pic, etc. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 This is great advice! Thank you very much Lhgirl. I've blocked him on everything but instagram mainly bc I wanted access to know when he reads and sees things. (I desperately wanted a bracelet back). My other reason for not blocking and removing was I thought that shows me as weak. Like I'm still so hurt four months later that I'm holding out a vengeance. I'm dating again but the ramifications of that relationship I'm sure will still affect me for years to come! All it shows is that you are looking for validation. Block him. As you can see your reason is not working. You should not be dating. Not really fair to other people, when you are still so attached to this guy. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 This is great advice! Thank you very much Lhgirl. I've blocked him on everything but instagram mainly bc I wanted access to know when he reads and sees things. (I desperately wanted a bracelet back). My other reason for not blocking and removing was I thought that shows me as weak. Like I'm still so hurt four months later that I'm holding out a vengeance. I'm dating again but the ramifications of that relationship I'm sure will still affect me for years to come! Another thing I don't quite understand - Not limiting social access because you don't want the dumper to think you are weak?? I've seen others say this as well. I don't get it. If I dump someone and they don't scrub me from their life, I might think they are hanging on by the last thread. Removing me from access is setting a hard line and can be seen as a sign of strength, not weakness. Besides. . they left. How cares what they think and why put what ever they may or may not be thinking over acting in your own self interest? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Yea it is :) Wait, I thought the coworker in his bed thing just happened. I'm confused. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Let’s reverse this. Why do you ALLOW him to follow you? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Let’s reverse this. Why do you ALLOW him to follow you? because she doesn't want to appear weak (?) Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 because she doesn't want to appear weak (?) She said she wants to be able to see when he looks. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 She said she wants to be able to see when he looks. ""My other reason for not blocking and removing was I thought that shows me as weak."" Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 ""My other reason for not blocking and removing was I thought that shows me as weak."" Ok, I read that, but I mean why. Why does she care what he thinks. Why does she care if she looks weak. Why does she perceive it as weak. It’s a rhetorical question. She wonders one way, why not wonder in reverse. Link to comment
larmaesh Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I personally don’t see anything wrong with following your ex on social media. It would only not bother you if you have completely moved on from the person and accepted your fate As you said he’s moved on hence why it’s not a big deal to him Link to comment
Sabrina918 Posted January 6, 2018 Author Share Posted January 6, 2018 because she doesn't want to appear weak (?) Ok, I read that, but I mean why. Why does she care what he thinks. Why does she care if she looks weak. Why does she perceive it as weak. It’s a rhetorical question. She wonders one way, why not wonder in reverse. You're correct. At first I kept him on so he could still see how I'm doing and I'm ok. But then now, I think it's a letting go thing. In the past week I've realized he won't give me back my bracelet or my wallet and so I need to cut all ties. I'm scared of weakness because I showed him my true insecurities. At 25 in dental school I was engaged to a man I now realize has NPD. I loved him and had a strange obsession and lust for him but it was a verbally abusive relationship where he brought in a lot of his insecurities about weight and looks into it. Eventually, he cheated on me with another girl who he got engaged to four months after. I was shocked, traumatized, embarrassed, lost and unable to date for 1 year because I knew I could only focus on myself and it wouldn't be fair to any other man. After I met my ex I'm now talking about I told him about this relationship and my weaknesses in weight and how he treated me and ignored me and how I couldn't date for a year and he pretended to care...and while I'm not in as bad of a place as then I was still hurt this time but don't want him to know. I know, it's childish and a facade, but I want him to know that life does go on Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Wait, I thought the coworker in his bed thing just happened. I'm confused. I agree completely boltnrun. I thought just yesterday you just found your boyfriend sleeping with a co-worker. I'm confused. Are you now broken up with him? Was he really cheating on you? This is all happening too fast for me. https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545677 Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I agree completely boltnrun. I thought just yesterday you just found your boyfriend sleeping with a co-worker. I'm confused. Are you now broken up with him? Was he really cheating on you? This is all happening too fast for me. https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545677 If they broke up yesterday - I can see that happening - then today’s the day to block, or any ole time. Or, change his status to restricted, so that he isn’t blocked but only sees public posts. You are going to want to brag on occasion. Healthy or not, it’s natural. I generally block to stop my own impulses. I unblock once I am more steady. Since I’m not friends, they only notice if they’ve been trying to search for me, and wouldn’t tell me anyway. Link to comment
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