sekai Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 If you can't relate to this particular situation, in the least it will definitely warrant the raising of a brow... Backstory, I have a crush on a girl and my best friend said he'd help me get her to like me when I told him that I liked her (because I wanted to make sure he didn't,) then he went behind my back and spent three hours with her (he said he was just getting to know her when I asked him about it after the fact) and caught feelings. So a few days later I mustered the courage to ask her out, but she was golfing without her phone and didn't get back to me until later in the day. I learned in the following six hours that my best friend had already asked her out from my crush's best friend which i happen to be quite close with, so I talked with my best friend, my crushes best friend, and eventually the aforementioned crush who eventually turned me down with the words "If only I had known..." as if she regretted agreeing to go out with my best friend. So that's where I am at now, and I am deciding whether or not to pursue my relationship with her, or respect my best friends (admittedly strong) feelings and let them play out their relationship.I also know for a fact that her feelings for me are stronger than her feelings for my best friend, though she has already said yes to my best friend. Two final things, I have spoken with my best friend about it, and of course he told me to let it go, as well as the fact that he thinks she might be THE ONE, but he has been in her presence for a combinedtotal of about 8hours so I don't think he can know yet whether or not she is the one. So basically I want your advice on whetherI should go for her, whether I should let their relationship play out and let go of my feelings however hard that may prove to be. Finally, in retrospect, the situation will not change for another week because she is about 2000 miles from me and 1000 miles from my best friend, who, i feel i should add, has not yet officially been on a date with her. I am happy to answer clarifying questions, but this ones got me all tied up rn. Link to comment
Clio Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 You all sound very immature and addicted to drama. How old are you? 14? Regardless, the answer is simple. Ask her who she chooses out of the two of you now that she knows. If she chooses your friend, then you have your answer and you should let go and find another girl. If she is wishy washy and does not give you a straight answer, then you have an attention seeker in your hands and again letting go and moving on is the healthy option. If she wants you, then great. You can then date her. Life is not a soap opera and if you try to make one out of it, then you open yourself to all kinds of unnecessary crap. Your choice. P.S.1 If she lives far away, then you are wasting your time. P.S.2 Your friend and you need to establish a bro code / better boundaries when it comes to girls and you definitely need to learn not to involve third parties in your private matters like that. Link to comment
Rozhni Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 You all sound very immature and addicted to drama. How old are you? 14? Regardless, the answer is simple. Ask her who she chooses out of the two of you now that she knows. If she chooses your friend, then you have your answer and you should let go and find another girl. If she is wishy washy and does not give you a straight answer, then you have an attention seeker in your hands and again letting go and moving on is the healthy option. If she wants you, then great. You can then date her. Life is not a soap opera and if you try to make one out of it, then you open yourself to all kinds of unnecessary crap. Your choice. P.S.1 If she lives far away, then you are wasting your time. P.S.2 Your friend and you need to establish a bro code / better boundaries when it comes to girls and you definitely need to learn not to involve third parties in your private matters like that. 2,000 miles away from you and 1,000 from him? Not gonna work out. How often will you see her? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 What's up with the distance?? And why is this guy your best friend? I'd say forget the girl, you have no emotional investment tied up in this, so why bother? There's tons of girls on this planet, she isn't the only one! Link to comment
sekai Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 What's up with the distance?? And why is this guy your best friend? I'd say forget the girl, you have no emotional investment tied up in this, so why bother? There's tons of girls on this planet, she isn't the only one! Ok so firstly, we're on vacation right now so the whole situation is like on pause for about a week, and this guy has been my "friend" for a long time, but just recently we started getting real close so I thought I could trust him. The deal is, he has had independence issues with his two older brothers and he always saw me as a bit of a little brother so we're still working past some things that he didn't necessarily mean, though nothing before this really meant anything. Full disclosure, he had no plan to get with her but he wanted to get to know her (which I completely disagree with, considering he said he'd back off, but is a good enough reason i guess.) So then he caught feelings and I guess she sort of agreed. In retrospect, the better idea would have been to make her choose between the two of us like Clio suggested and just leave him out of it considering the unfortunate play of events, but the reason I can't do that is how submissive I was directly after finding out my friend beat me to it. I basically said "this sucks, I'm sorry for complicating things." When I finally get back home, in response to Clio's second post script, I think my friend and I are going to have a little talk about this whole situation, and the mistakes we made. I guess I can take solace in the fact that he's happy, that is once they actually get together *facepalm* Thanks for your thoughts people :) Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Your 'friend' cannot be trusted. I would reassess this friendship. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Never send someone to do the job you should be doing yourself. Your friend isn't really your friend.I learned in the following six hours that my best friend had already asked her out Link to comment
sekai Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 To anybody who cares, she just told decided to break things apart with my friend, which leaves me in the awkward yet fortunate position with both an affectionate "special friend" and a best friend who in the following order betrayed, felt betrayed, then was betrayed. That's one way to put it. Looks like I was right about her choice of me over him... Probably not gonna make a move if you care because of the problems this has already caused and the time I've already wasted mulling over this bs. Thanks and I'm afraid that's a wrap boys. And girl. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 To anybody who cares, she just told decided to break things apart with my friend, which leaves me in the awkward yet fortunate position with both an affectionate "special friend" and a best friend who in the following order betrayed, felt betrayed, then was betrayed. That's one way to put it. Looks like I was right about her choice of me over him... Probably not gonna make a move if you care because of the problems this has already caused and the time I've already wasted mulling over this bs. Thanks and I'm afraid that's a wrap boys. And girl. Good idea, there's lots of girls on this planet. As for your friend, don't trust him to talk to anyone for you anymore. Hopefully you both move past this and it never happens again. Link to comment
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