eruki Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 I'm just so confused, for such a long time, with my position in my family. and I am the first child. I am in a hope to find a solution for this problem, in this forum. and for everyone reading my thread, thank you, and please help me with the problem i'm having I'm the first child, of a family consisted of 4 people : me, my younger sibling, father and mother. I never lived in my parents house, ever since i'm 6 years old. I was sent to my grandparents house, out of the town, to study at a private school. Basically, I was never nurtured nor raised under my parents surveillance (i'd say surveillance because, yes, they never actually know what i've been doing at the time). So, I grew up with the value brought by my grandparents and relatives living in the same house since I was in elementary until I graduated high school. Now, I'm in college, and as you can guess, I live even further than my grandparents house. I live alone, in a different city, and even different island than my parents house. this story of my 'growing up without parents' brought me into a situation where I don't / can't understand my family's problem/condition/needs/etc. and I'd say it's because I never been in home for more than a month (when I got holiday from school/college). things as simple as, knowing where the house's stuff, what to clean, which doors are broken, which faucet's can't be open, where my clothes are, even which towel I can use - I can't figure them out without asking my mother or my sibling first. all because I just never been in the house, as the part of the family. this is a problem, I tell myself. but then, it gets worse. I found out that my sibling's been having a hard time at home, and they said it was because of me. To be noted that, my sibling has been living with my parents way longer than I am, up until they got into college. It turns out that they (my sibling and my parents) are having a communication problem (i guess). to put it simply, I just figured out that : everytime my parents are having a hard time, they would whine and complain by getting angry at my sibling -but never to me- and it leads to my sibling growing a hatred towards me -they think it's because I never be at home makes me immune to my parents yelling- . they thought that I'm the one making problems because I was never in the house and so I know nothing and then makes me 'excluded from any punishment'. and so they hated me, blaming me because I never stayed at the house, blaming me for knowing not a single problem they have, and so many things blamed at me. I start to think, they're right, I was never the child of the home, because I was never been in the house. not even to make up my own bed -which I don't have up until now (when I'm on holiday and staying at my parents house, i sleep with my sibling)- the thing that makes me confused is, is it really all my fault? for not having a decent amount of the so called 'family quality time' ? or is it just simply my sibling versus my parents, but I got all the hate? please anyone, I don't really have anywhere to ask. please help me by discussing/giving me advice. thank you Link to comment
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