Mikey383 Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 So.. I have posted on here before and I have participated in comments in order to help out other posters on here.... As you all know, from my other threads: About 4 months ago I was dumped by my EX GF of 2.5 years... I went into pure NC and cut everything off with mutual friends as well... I took the time to heal (and yes it does get easier after a bit of time and patience)... My EX GF immediately jumped on someone else... (Good for her, it is her life and none of my business)... I have however heard that her kids don't like the new guy already and are stirring things up.... As for me... Well... After 4 months of healing, I met someone new... After a week of communicating (texts, messenger etc....), we finally met last night and it went great!!!! The evening was super romantic and we were both into each other... I won't go into all the details, but let's just say that this is very promising... I definitely want to take things slow... A lot slower than my previous relationship... I have new standards and new criteria now... Things I learned and processed after the break up with my EX... Taking time off, healing and allowing your self to analyze.... It allows you to become a better person... I think that going NC and sticking to it pays off... Cheers and Happy Holidays Link to comment
Carus Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 Well that makes for a great xmas then doesn't it...! :) Thanks for sharing Mikey...You've really helped me stay positive since you are a few months ahead of me.... I'm actually feeling really good reading this.... Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 Hey Mikey, Very happy for you buddy :) Happy Holidays! Link to comment
my3lans Posted December 22, 2017 Share Posted December 22, 2017 I am so happy for you! I needed to hear this today. I am trying to let go of that little bit of hope I have hanging on that says "maybe on down the road things will workout..." because I know it's not healthy. Thanks so much for your encouragement. Happy Holidays! Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Well that makes for a great xmas then doesn't it...! :) Thanks for sharing Mikey...You've really helped me stay positive since you are a few months ahead of me.... I'm actually feeling really good reading this.... Carus* Car us My friend :)... You have helped me also... I read all your posts... Things get better...They do... I felt it was time for me to finally move on... And you will feel it also...It just takes a bit of time and some self fixing... Trust me, I will always feel something for my EX.... As I hope she will feel always something for me...I hope I had some positive impact in her life as she did in my life...However life moves on and you just have to give someone else a chance... I realized that this is a new person, new start, new clean slate...I am not comparing and I won't...However the new person has some identical qualities to my EX...Still she is different and her own self person... She is very beautiful (so was my EX)...and we liked each other from first sight...We had a awesome evening and I will see her tomorrow also...:)... So a part of me is starting to regain that feeling again... But, since I have been hurt previously...This time I am taking a different approach...New rules...New criteria... I will tread this water lightly....A lot of it is self protection... As I don't want to relive it all again... Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hey Mikey, Very happy for you buddy :) Happy Holidays! Thanks Sputnik. You also...Happy Holidays bud :) Stay strong.... Never give up :) Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 I am so happy for you! I needed to hear this today. I am trying to let go of that little bit of hope I have hanging on that says "maybe on down the road things will workout..." because I know it's not healthy. Thanks so much for your encouragement. Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays my3lans. Letting go is hard... Believe me...4 months of struggle for me.. NC is great for yourself to clean up your brain.... Accept that it is over for ever and that there is no way of fixing things...Eventually you feel ready again...So you stick yourself out there...:)...Eventually it pays off... If it makes you feel even better...I can tell you that EX's don't forget about you, especially if you were a good person to them... They eventually do contact you...I had 3 contact me this year...Now I am friends with them.... All 3 told me that they will always love me...:) Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Mikey!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you! I hope this works out, it's hard to find a connection, and the fact that you have shows you're well on your way to healing! Happy Holidays luv!!!! Glad your spirits are lifted :) Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Mikey!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you! I hope this works out, it's hard to find a connection, and the fact that you have shows you're well on your way to healing! Happy Holidays luv!!!! Glad your spirits are lifted :) Hey Sweetgirl28 Happy Holidays!!! It is still a long road for me.... But it is a start... Yes, I found a great connection and I do hope that it works out :) She is a great person... We communicate a lot and very good.... I am looking forward to a healthy relationship finally... :) Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Hey Sweetgirl28 Happy Holidays!!! It is still a long road for me.... But it is a start... Yes, I found a great connection and I do hope that it works out :) She is a great person... We communicate a lot and very good.... I am looking forward to a healthy relationship finally... :) Yes! How many times did I tell you the ex was toxic for you? I pray this woman will be right for you, and give you the love and respect you are so deserving of. From all you've written, you have yourself together, and have so much to offer. So never cheat yourself. I'm proud of you for staying strong this time around. Now where's my Mr. Right??? Lol I haven't found that chemistry again. My day will come too. I stopped contact with my ex, it all turned sexual and then he disappeared when I didn't agree. Pffftttt lol Thankfully I remember the past hurt and that was enough to make me not cave. You men.....haha jk :) Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Yes! How many times did I tell you the ex was toxic for you? I pray this woman will be right for you, and give you the love and respect you are so deserving of. From all you've written, you have yourself together, and have so much to offer. So never cheat yourself. I'm proud of you for staying strong this time around. Now where's my Mr. Right??? Lol I haven't found that chemistry again. My day will come too. I stopped contact with my ex, it all turned sexual and then he disappeared when I didn't agree. Pffftttt lol Thankfully I remember the past hurt and that was enough to make me not cave. You men.....haha jk :) Not all of us men are so terrible... There are women out there that are just as twisted... I read the other day a good article how relationship failures stem back to childhood issues... That helped me also realize that my EX had those issues (as she quite often expressed her demons from her child and teen years that she carried on. Her father was often to be blamed for it...Although her father is now a good person, she never recognized with him or forgave him...She just carried on those "daddy issues" from one failed relationship to the other...on top of it she added more issues to the package from each failure... Stacking it all up like pancakes and projecting it all on to her partners hoping that some knight in shining armor will solve it all... Especially the issues that she never addressed with her children...)... So it is true in my opinion that relationship failures do stem back to childhood issues that go on so unresolved... I come from a stable childhood...My parents did a great job showing me love and most of all my father always showed me that affection exists in a household...He always showed my mother love and affection... I am 43 now and especially with the last relationship I have learned so much... It all narrows down to character that is associated with your up bringing... The ability to love and not abuse...Ability to feel love pass the honeymoon stage of initial infatuation... Real love during the reality of life... As love is not some sort of constant high that people want to feel...Love is when you accept your partner and their flaws without the need to change them... Once you insist on change...That is no longer love...It is a projection... Also self fault admittance is a sign of a healthy person....Those that can't self admit, will only hurt you... Link to comment
Carus Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Great post! As someone who has a degree in psychotherapy I can tell you that you are correct about how the experiences in our formative years can certainly play out in our adult relationships. Many studies have been done on this, most of all Attachment Theory, which begins in utero and moments after birth.... Sadly, this is the main reasons my amazing marriage failed despite me knowing all this beforehand. My exs father is mostly to blame but also her teenage years where she was treated as a sex object for being so gorgeous...Her trust in men and her anxiety and insecurities have no doubt caused her to leave all her relationships. I WAS her knight for many years and it was the first marriage for both of us.... Unfortunately, as her love for me deepened her inner issues were too strong and led her to doing what she has done. This kind of explains how someone can call you amazing and tell you they love you as they're walking out of your life. As for me, my abandonment issues and previous relationship failures probably caused me to panic and act in ways that didn't help... We both loved each other to the moon but this inner child stuff is deeply ingrained in our cores.... As you say, no matter how much I tried to change, it was never enough. Sadly, knowing all this does little to make it any less painful.... Carus* Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Great post! As someone who has a degree in psychotherapy I can tell you that you are correct about how the experiences in our formative years can certainly play out in our adult relationships. Many studies have been done on this, most of all Attachment Theory, which begins in utero and moments after birth.... Sadly, this is the main reasons my amazing marriage failed despite me knowing all this beforehand. My exs father is mostly to blame but also her teenage years where she was treated as a sex object for being so gorgeous...Her trust in men and her anxiety and insecurities have no doubt caused her to leave all her relationships. I WAS her knight for many years and it was the first marriage for both of us.... Unfortunately, as her love for me deepened her inner issues were too strong and led her to doing what she has done. This kind of explains how someone can call you amazing and tell you they love you as they're walking out of your life. As for me, my abandonment issues and previous relationship failures probably caused me to panic and act in ways that didn't help... We both loved each other to the moon but this inner child stuff is deeply ingrained in our cores.... As you say, no matter how much I tried to change, it was never enough. Sadly, knowing all this does little to make it any less painful.... Carus* Carus my friend...You are absolutely correct.. When I came into my EX's life, I became that Knight in Shining Armor for her...She saw a future with me, but she was selfish about it... A lot of it was from her youth years, her early marriage to a man 9 years older than her...Issues at her homestead that created demons...Her older brother turned out to be a complete loser, sucking off her parents, while she got involved and had children with a man that was a NO MAN as well....Once she divorced him, she kicked the same can down the road...from one lover to another, revolving door of men, none which wanted to settle....Many ran, some got kicked for another prospect...Ultimately she has been seeking the one to rescue her and her kids...However the kids became damaged along the journey....No stability and tons of men became a bi product of a perspective that all men are scum and not worthy of being with mom....And so is what those children thought of me....They gave me no chance and she did not stand by my side... I gave and kept giving.... As things progressed to a more serious level she wanted it all, but her kids did not...Her EX husband was still pinning for her and he would send her text messages beginning for her to take him back and calling me his competition...11 years divorced man and never moved on...He was also manipulating the kids....Naturally kids want their parents back together, and so those kids stirred and stirred the pot... She saw it, but yet did nothing to fix it...However she saw everything wrong with me, wanted me to change, but did nothing to change herself....And I felt as I had to become the cure to solve multiple issues and insecureties... But yes...It all stemmed from her childhood years....Her dad had a hot temper back than, and almost got divorced with her mom several times... She carried that from one relationship to the other...She never took the time to clear it all up... So yes...after we split...turns out that she went right out there and jumped on the next warm body... She needs constant man in her life.... Turns out the new guy is exactly just like me...lol... Not someone different but rather very identical... I was the longest ever that she had...I was the best...So she went out to find another me...lol... I took the time.. And I connected with someone different now... I don't mind being alone and finding someone better... Why should I want someone identical?....No way...I want different and better... And taking time of to heal and do absolute NC helps you think of what you want from a future partner. :) Link to comment
AlexSays Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Thank you for posting this. I myself kind of jumped right into another relationship but we broke up 3 months ago, tried rekindling, broke things off for good 2 weeks ago, and I’m with a new person now, a guy that I see a future with. My ex didn’t take any time at all before jumping into bed with other women. I feel like I let myself get pressured into another relationship because I wanted to beat him to it but now that I’m more calm and think rationally, it wasn’t the right intentions. However, this new guy is great and meets a lot of the criterias I want in a partner. Honestly so far, he meets them all. He respects me 100% and has been so patient. I asked him to take things slow, so we agreed no official relationship, but we will be talking exclusively and seeing where it goes. Reading this makes me happy. Link to comment
Carus Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Congrats AlexSays* ~ I'm happy for you and hope to be where you are soon.... Carus* Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 Thank you for posting this. I myself kind of jumped right into another relationship but we broke up 3 months ago, tried rekindling, broke things off for good 2 weeks ago, and I’m with a new person now, a guy that I see a future with. My ex didn’t take any time at all before jumping into bed with other women. I feel like I let myself get pressured into another relationship because I wanted to beat him to it but now that I’m more calm and think rationally, it wasn’t the right intentions. However, this new guy is great and meets a lot of the criterias I want in a partner. Honestly so far, he meets them all. He respects me 100% and has been so patient. I asked him to take things slow, so we agreed no official relationship, but we will be talking exclusively and seeing where it goes. Reading this makes me happy. I am glad that you are happy...And that the new guy does it all for you... I hope it works out... I took time off from looking for someone right away... I did not want to make the same mistake over and over....So I found someone more stable... :)..Someone that is more of what I want..:)... Link to comment
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