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my3lans

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  • Birthday 04/08/1970

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  1. I doubt I was boring. But definitely not chaotic. And I don't want him back now. He's already ruined everything and I would never be able to trust him again. My spirit wishes him the best and hopes this works out for him and his kids. But my flesh secretly hopes he'll be miserable AF!
  2. Oh absolutely no worries there. I don't want anything to do with his family. I forgot to ask about rebounding. Some books say it's perfectly natural and okay and some say try to avoid it. Opinions?
  3. Thank you so much! Yes, that's exactly how I want to and am trying to be. I think my fear is, how will he know how well I'm doing? We no longer live in the same time and from what I can tell he hasn't been on social media. There's this part of me that wants to rub it in his face!!! He went on and on about how he never loved her in the first place and how he almost walked out on their wedding--said this even before we started dating. Then how relieved he was when she finally left him because she was a crazy, alcoholic, cheating *****. And then the minute she decides she wants him, he goes right back. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I was good to him. I put his picture on my desk at work--something he says she never did. I cooked for him--something he said she never did. I went out of town just to see him--an effort she never made. I praised him and made him feel valued--something he said she never did. He also said I was the best sex of his life, that he'd loved me all through school and always will. He STILL claims what he felt for me was "real". Then why? WTAF? I guess I'll never understand and I do have great plans for my immediate future. But even if and when he realizes he's made a huge mistake, it'll be too late. It already is.
  4. I completely agree. I should've went no contact when he first started pulling away. This is the first serious relationship I'd been in since my divorce 6 years ago and first breakup. I didn't know how to handle it and have learned so many lessons for the future. But sometimes our emotions take over our reason. It's called being a human being. Never apologize for being honest with her or yourself. Everything has been laid out on the table. Now light that thing on fire and burn it up! That's what I'm trying to do. It sucks when we find out we gave our hearts to the wrong people.
  5. Not necessarily looking for "advice" as much as ideas. I've read a good number of books since all this started with me and they all pretty much say the same thing: 1) no contact 2) get rid of reminders 3) stay busy 4) pray/meditate 5) exercise 6) get a makeover 7) find a new hobby 8) don't fight your emotions but don't stay stuck in them either 9) vent when you need to Is anyone doing anything other than these that they would like to share? Did it work for you? Are there things you wish you'd done that you think might've worked? Just interested in other ideas. Trying to keep my mind occupied!
  6. Basically just venting... Yesterday it was confirmed--he's back with his ex-wife. A friend of mine, unbeknownst to me, contacted him and gave him an earful. He took all the blame saying he was too immature for a relationship and made a lot of mistakes with me and he knows he blew it but he truly didn't start seeing his ex until last week, after we broke up. Bull! Everything was FINE until she got in his head. That's when he started pulling crap to make me go away. I wished I'd listed to my mom and dropped him like a hot rock when all this started instead of thinking we had a chance. Now too much has been said and done for ANYTHING to ever be the same no matter what and I'm crazy for even wanting it to be just a little bit. I know I'm better than he is. I'm better than she is. I deserve better. He's not the one. I keep going over and over this in my head. My head gets it. But I still have so much hurt inside. I want to stop thinking about it but I can't. It was only a two month relationship (even though we've known each other our whole lives) so WHY is this hurting so much. It started it's demise over a month ago. I should be able to get past it by now. And I hate myself for not being strong enough to do so. I know I have to let go and move on and that's what I want to do. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving at the end of next month. Then getting a new car. I'm working on a makeover. I'm writing more, reading more--doing all I can to keep myself busy. I was completely happy with my life before he popped in. I want to go back to that person. I also want him to SEE me happy and moving on and what a huge mistake he's made but I know he's not watching me. My bff said he already knows that in his heart and everything will blow up in his face soon and then he'll see. And I want to hurt him! I go back and forth between hating his sorry guts to wishing we could turn back the clock and do things differently to missing him something awful. I'm going out of my mind at times and none of the counseling offices are open until after the New Year (which I think is absurd given this is the time of year most people need a psychiatrist, etc.) I'm tired of crying every day. Several times a day. I'm not the type of woman that lets a man get to her like this. I hate this.
  7. Here's another thought...may or may not be true. Maybe she was feeling lonely but knew it would be unwise to reach out to you and in order to protect herself, she blocked you to limit contact. I don't know why she didn't block you on everything else. But just an idea. I had mine blocked and someone still sent me that awful picture. I so wish I had given someone else custody of my phone that night!
  8. Precisely. If I showed you guys a picture of the guy I just broke up with, you all would be like "?" Not physically attractive AT ALL. But it was his personality that got me. I thought he was perfect. Until he showed me his insides were just as ugly as his outside.
  9. It is. I'm not friends with anyone I work with on Facebook and my employment isn't listed on my profile page.
  10. You are my new best friend! You summarized it so perfectly. I'm a smart and strong woman and I NEVER saw this coming and I think that's what burns me up the most--that I let a twerp like HIM do this to me. As ashamed as I am for the post, I STILL catch myself thinking of ways to hurt him. And it conjures up old feelings like why did I ever get divorced and back out into the dating world in the first place? Oh if I had a time clock! Thank you so much!
  11. Not an excuse, just a fact. When hurt, people act irrationally and alcohol makes that worse. I am trying to get an appointment for counseling because I recognize I have some issues but right now everything is closed for the holidays--which I find ironic given that this time of year is when people need mental help the most. Thanks for your opinion.
  12. I have done something for which I am deeply ashamed. Christmas Eve, after I'd already had a little to drink, I was sent a picture of my ex bf, that I recently broke up with who SWORE up and down he was not getting back together with his ex wife from 9 years ago, WITH the ex wife. I COMPLETELY LOST MY S***!!!! I cussed him, his ex, his brother, his sister-in-law, his cousin and his best friend. I also posted the picture on facebook and exposed him as a liar (and a few other harsh words for the both of them). My friends talked me into taking it down and I did within about 30 minutes. I KNOW that was wrong, no matter how badly I felt and probably had it not been CHRISTMAS and alcohol had not been involved (and yes, I am quitting drinking), I probably never would have done it. I've read up on libel, slander, etc. and I know I can't be sued. Should I alert my boss to what I did in case somebody tries to get me fired over it? Opinions?
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