Rocky relationship and now pregnant

[Adayinthelife9]

So my bf and I will be together 5 years. Well we pretty much have had a whole relationship that has been rocky. We have a lot of trust issues and communication issues. I don't speak to my family or even friends because of him. He believes I've stepped out of the relationship a few times because I have friendships with males. Which is not true. But he was stepped out of the relationship several times but we were apparently on "breaks". Welling sorry short we have issues. I have been pregnant before with him and choice abortion and then after becoming pregnant again I chose to keep the baby but ended up with a miscarriage. Well through to pregnancy he wasn't supportive even when I had the miscarriage. I do love him and he has my heart but I really am questioning this. Well I just found out I am pregnant again.... when I told him I was pregnant his response was oh ing great. I honestly don't know what to do. I am stressed out about what to do. I really don't want to go through either again but I have to make a decision and I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Thanks

[itsallgrand]

I'm so sorry about what you are going through. Let me ask you this - have you made up your mind yet about continuing the pregnancy or not?

 

I'm really sorry, as an outsider, I feel quite sad for you in all you have been through with this man. To not have support through a miscarriage, to be treated as you have... it's not right. It's not a way to be happy, it's a way to suffering. The relationship sounds quite unhealthy.

 

Now if you want to continue the pregnancy, he will have to be involved in some capacity as the father. But that doesn't mean you have to be with him.

 

You have to do what is best for your own health and well being. That's so important. And now again, what's best for the little one. You being so stressed and unhappy isn't good for either.

[Thecheesecake1]

How far along are you? I feel like some people may judge you, not to be mean but the guy seems to be portrayed as one of them who may be manipulative as he has made you do things in the past like stop talking to your friends etc... HOWEVER. Love is tough, you guys obviously have history and I think the question you gotta ask yourself is, if you ARE thinking of keeping it, are you willing to go through it alone? I'm sure he would stick by you both whether you're together or not but if you think this will tie you both, I'd be cynical toward him as a father. I'd decide before the kid gets too old to abort. Good luck....

[Adayinthelife9]

I am 3 to 4 weeks along

[Annia]

I won't say anything about keeping the child or not, that's your decision, but I'd think twice about having my child growing up in the middle of such a toxic relationship and how it would affect the child's development and future relationships. Having this baby and being a mother doesn't have to be connected to you being in this relationship. You can still have the child and not be with someone so unsupportive, toxic and unfit as a partner (and perhaps as a father).

 

You seem to be questioning if you should have the child or not because of what you've been through with him, but maybe it'd be a good idea to question staying with him or not and why you've been putting up with this for so long instead.

[lunanoir94]

As someone who has been through this exact same scenario -- you need to make the choice yourself on whether you want this baby or not. He does not matter in the long run, but if you are going to bring this baby into the world you need to realize he or she would be your top priority and not your bf.

 

I knew I would keep my babe and I instantly became a more calm person. Before my pregnancy I was always upset with him, running after him, crying for him. Once I became pregnant and decided to welcome this babe into my life, I realized this was my main concern. It helped me worry less about him and more about me. We are doing good and don't get me wrong, I would be hurting if something went askew, but I remind myself that my child will ALWAYS come first and trust we can coparent if need be.

 

If you think you want to be a mommy and unconditionally love this child for better or for worst, and keep the pregnancy, it truly doesn't matter what goes on with you and your babys father. There will be other men out there. Just take care of yourself and think deeply about what YOU want to do..