Does texting matter?

[xcookie7x]

I met someone who I really click with. When we first started talking he told me he had been dating and was ready to find love/relationship with someone. It was his idea for us to be exclusive after going on numerous dates, he asked me. He is about to be 28 and I'm about to be 25. He'd text me to check in every day or so, he was the first one to say I miss you between the two of us, told me I inspire him and that I'm beautiful and sweet.

 

So I've met his parents, his sisters, he took me to meet his coworkers at his job, also met his best friends. He also enjoys doing music and has invited me to his private band practices with his guy friends. Says he wants to take me into the city and asked if we could buy season passes for six flags and all of that. (He has done all this in person and has been the one making moves first)

 

But for the past month now he has not texted me at all. Except for Thanksgiving to ask how it was and sent a picture and video of him with his fam and best friend. I have asked him twice "Hey, you've only been dating me right? No pressure, just want to stay on the same page!" to which he has replies "Of course." I have also asked once if he wants to continue to still see me and he keeps saying yes..

 

I'm just really confused because he went from texting me pretty frequently for the past 3 months, to not texting me at all really. If I text him he usually does reply. If I say I miss you he will say it back. But he rarely ever will say it himself lately, if at all. If the texting just slowed down that's one thing, but it's honestly pretty much a rarity at this point. I'm basically the one to always initiate now. He will send me a snap on snapchat here or there but that's pretty rare, too. But he will always look at mine that I send him, just doesn't reply to them. And he will always look at the snaps on my story. I think to keep tabs on me and see if i'm with other guys, I just get that vibe. Some quick info: he has been engaged and was cheated on. that happened a couple years ago though.

 

I guess I just want to know if texting is really that big of a deal? I thought maybe he's trying to fade out. But in person it's like a 360, he's all hyped up being around me and smiling saying he feels great, telling me i'm so much fun to be around, takes a bunch of pictures with me saying "with my girl" and posting them publicly..that's another thing, he isn't secretive about me at all. He wants me to meet everyone around him and posts tons of pictures of us.. but he will never reach out to me to text me at all lately...it's just really weird. I don't think I'm that clingy or anything but it can be lonely to never hear from someone and feel like you're annoying them when you always have to be the one to say hi when before he was wanting to do it..

[j.man]

How often do you physically meet up?

[rosephase]

Have you told him you want him to initiate conversations more? How long have you been dating?

[xcookie7x]

I vaguely said "Hey are you still interested in seeing me? I know you've been quieter lately and I just want to keep up with it all." and he said "Yes I do." so he kind of didn't address the whole being quieter thing. He mentioned being depressed at the beginning of the month. But if he's posting snaps of him eating taco bell with his guys i'm sure he can text me if he really wanted to lol... i'm not trying to say he isn't depressed but it doesn't seem like it's severe. I saw him a week ago and he was shooting out a bunch of ideas of places we should go. But the second I left.. no texting at all. Nothing. Also we been dating for about 3.5 months.

[xcookie7x]

Working around our work schedules I see him about once a week. He's buying a new car in a couple weeks and I hopefully will see him more. He pays for everything though including my uber rides to see him which isn't cheap. It's weird to me because he does everything right and doesn't act shady it's just the texting has reeeally slowed down and we're exclusively seeing one another so it's weird to me. I should also add he pays for us to uber around town so it's not like I'm there to have sex and leave. He pays a lot and says he wants to be a gentlemen and won't let me pay if I offer.

[Wiseman2]

With all the good things going on why worry about texts? It sounds like he's looking for a gf to date not a text buddy. Texting is cheap, mindless and easy. What he's doing seems to show much more effort and interest. Do you have other friends as text buddies?

He pays for everything though including my uber rides to see him which isn't cheap. I should also add he pays for us to uber around town so it's not like I'm there to have sex and leave. He pays a lot and says he wants to be a gentlemen and won't let me pay if I offer.

[rosephase]

It sounds like he's a great guy and everything is working except you would like him to text you more. I find being direct about these things helps the most. When I started dating my partner he wouldn't text me for days (just not his thing) and I asked him "hey I really like hearing from you. If you don't hear form me for the day it would mean a lot if you texted me just to say hi". And he adjusted for me. He could have also said "I can't do that. Texting is a big bother to me" and then I would have to adjust my expectations or decide that the relationship doesn't work.

 

The option you are going with at the moment is to not talk to him directly and hope that he changes as you hint around it and slowly grow resentful. That is a great way to kill a growing relationship. Be up front about what you want and need. It works so much better.

[xcookie7x]

I guess im just concerned because he used to text me a lot being really romantic and now he isnt even initiating at all really. Its been like this for a month now too. Maybe he just feels hes already won me over or maybe it has nothing to do with me. I do know he sucks at texting he opened a few texts from weeks ago when i was with him saying happy thanksgiving. I guess its nothing to worry about I'll take your word for it since you're a guy lol.

[xcookie7x]

Well see thats whats weird he was texting me a lot in the beginning being really sweet and romantic and now its basically not at all unless im the one to initiate. Thats whats weird to me. But in person it seems we only get closer and better so maybe he just feels he doesnt have to chase so hard now that were exclusive... Its just concerning to me he was pouring on the charm and now he barely initiates at all. But hopefully you're right and its not a big deal. Everything else seems perfect in person so far. We seem to really go well together. I guess he just feels he doesnt have to impress as much.