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Hi all,

So it's been about 6 weeks since I broke up with my ex now of 5 months and we haven't really spoken except to collect belongings, an attempt really early on and just a breadcrumb text 'how are you'. He has an addicted personality (gambling, cocaine, drinking, cigarettes and possibly more)


He said we couldn't get back together because 'too much has happened' but he didn't 'say never' (whatever). I am super struggling with my own self worth at the moment. My grandad died a few days after our breakup (he wasn't there for me, despite "let's be friends") and it was my birthday a few days ago ("no text message").


I regret the arguments with him over him not making me a priority and not communicating with me more; on one hand I think maybe I could have communicated this too him in another way beside talk to him, talk again, lose patience and break up.


He saw it as arguing, I don't think it really was we would talk and he would say 'il try' but nothing changed.


He once tried to tell me he was putting up furniture instead of seeing me (he could do that anytime) and then exposed he will come to see me as it's making me sad and he doesn't want to see me sad he said he was just being stubborn.


Not only did furniture come before me but a beer festival, a 9 day bender, football game etc all textbook stuff. He's 28 he's not old I still wanted him to have a life but it's like he just saw me as some nagging women!! When he Bailed on me for a beer festival instead of meeting my brother it really did hurt as I had told him about it first so no doubt he ignored me.


I am strong I am always dealing with issues alone as I don't have much family support unlike him. A few things have happened that has made me lose my self worth! Two weeks after I slept with him back in may (after three months not sleeping with anyone) I got a herpes outbreak (he never could be bothered to get the blood test- in hindsight I should of but by the time I considered It was too late. They just swabbed me). I told him once I found the results and he said he has been checked etc.. etc.. (they don't check for it) I mean I had it now so what was really the point. He said it was probably him (he has a checkered past I think from his friends stories he actually has used escorts/ had threesomes etc). He also has HSV1 which I have read means his symptoms for HSV2 could easily go unnoticed. Not to mention I think I now get cold sores.


A thing which really freaked me out towards the end of our relationship is I found condoms in his glove box (apparently old from moving house). Whilst he went away on a boys holiday before we broke up he gave a 21 year old his house keys and my sex toys went missing (made me uncomfortable) apparently the boy had a party and people stole them (who does that).



I can't really bring myself to talk about the herpes stuff and I'm going out to meet an old male colleague tonight and I've never felt myself since this happened. In hindsight I should have just gone to therapy in the beginning rather than now!


I have always had self esteem issues and this just doesn't help!!


Any advice would be of help I have just turnt 27 and wanted to get married have children the dream. Now I feel it will be a lot harder for me; all because of a choice I made to be with this guy. I mean don't get me wrong I wasn't an angel before him but I had slept with two people in 3 years so this std issue really came and blew me away!


I just want to get up in the morning and feel a reason to get on with my day happily!!!


Anyone with any advice I think I'm losing my mind! Thanks!

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I do hope one day you find complete happiness and can look back on all of this and say " was I thinking?"

It's so difficult when wrapped up in something to see how toxic it is. And this certainly was.


Look forward to each new day. With every rising sun, there's new opportunity for you.

One day closer to moving on. One day closer to a new adventure.


The herpes, well...it is what it is now. You can't reverse it.

You do however need to disclose this info prior to having sex with another partner.

And practice safe sex. You are at higher risk to catch other STD's with active herpes.

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Well, nobody tells you ahead of time that they're a bad person. You have to find out for yourself. And this guy turned out to be a bum. You did nothing wrong except fall for him. You just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and learn from it. You sound like a wonderful, smart, and caring woman. Think about your strong points and how much you have to offer the right guy. This guy was a bump in the road. You're past him. Just keep moving ahead.

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