The Ex and Social Media

[MindLESS]

I’m all sorts of confused in my situation.

 

So my ex girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue right before she was leaving to go on a traveling tour for an unexpected amount of time. She had previously gone back and forth about the idea of being together while she was on the road. One week she wasn’t all about it, talk about our future, the next week she dumped me. I was really upset as a I fully felt we were going in on this. Then Boom. She goes cold for 2 days and then breaks up with me, citing all sorts of reasons (timing, spiritual state, the distance would tear us apart, said she would drag me down because of her current state of mind and travel, my work situation, not a strong enough foundation for travel) it had all the feels of a GIGS BREAKUP. I didnt handle this well and was very upset. She asked that we end all correspondence for the the time being. I have complied. And it’s been two months of silence. No texts, calls, social media likes, nothing.

 

Welcome to cut off society to me.

 

This left me in a strong state of confusion and depression. I disappeared completely for a month. Then once I felt a little better I brought myself back Into the world. I posted a few of my experiences on Facebook and Instagram and was also a regular Instagram “story” user. She watched EVERY single one but never liked my posts until one recently. She was clearly to some extent, stalking my Instagram as she’s was at the top of the list of my story watchers, Everytime. This caused me to look into why this far too much. But I let it go and kept doing me. A few days ago I had gone skydiving (amazing) and posted the video of my jump on Insta/Facebook. She liked my Facebook post but not the Instagram post. It threw me off because it was our first form of any sort of connecting since the breakup. Two days later, she unfollows me on Instagram. It was like a kick to the chest. I know it may seem petty but, I was left with very little to go on at the point of breakup, so I’ve been kind of left to my own devices on this. She is still friends with me on Facebook as well as half of my family. Which adds to the nonesense of the confusion.

 

I really don’t want to feel like enemies with her and have thought of reaching out to her since it’s been long enough (at least I thought) to have a conversation of to get a little closure. But I have been drilled with the “let her come to you fundamentals” so much that it’s making sit tight and Not pull the trigger. However sometimes I feel like this is not the case for us because it was a very circumstantial breakup.

 

Any advice would appreciated. Thank you in advance. I’m just doing my best to make sense of all this. If you need me to elaborate on anything else, I am more than willing to do so.

[abitbroken]

I would block her on social media for your own healing process. I would not have a 'closure conversation". she broke up with you because she didn't know when she would be back and didn't want to be tied down with a boyfriend, most likely. Block her. And give yourself room to breath.e

[MindLESS]

I understand. I have already unfollowed her on Facebook. I just might give Instagram a break for a while to heal. I just find this situation so strange. And she even watched my stories and after unfollowing!! Craziness!

[sputnik123]

I agree with Abitbroken.

 

Sometimes you have to make your own closure.

 

Best of luck buddy.

[Nivea]

@mindless

You not alone in this buddy....my boyfriend for 4 years just blocked me this week it's been 5 days we haven't spoke and 3 days with me doing the NC it's sucks but this world is full of selfish people....

[ThatwasThen]

Going zero contact and blocking on social media is NOT a selfish act. It is a selfless act that will serve you well by helping you to accept that the relationship is over and thus moving onto indifference so that you're open enough in heart and mind to find someone that DOES want to be with you.

 

OP: Don't stagnate yourself from moving on for another minute. Block and delete her and ask your friends and family to do the same and if they won't, then don't stalk their pages so you can see what she is up to... that will just keep you mired in limbo and unable to move on.

 

I hope you feel better soon because you sound like a nice guy... too nice to be waiting on someone that has wanderlust and wanting to be single while se wanders.

 

She knows how to reach you if she ever changes her mind about being your ex and liking your posts or being the first to read your stories means NOTHING as far as changing her mind about being single.

[boltnrun]

I agree that no contact is not selfish. What would be selfish is your ex stringing you along, claiming to be "friends" or having sex with you without wanting to be back in the relationship.

 

And just because one person broke up with you doesn't mean the world is full of selfish people. It just means that person isn't the right one for you.

[Giblesp]

Her actions are either enticing you to maybe consider her as a partner once more, and she'd have a LOT of enticing to do, or they are not.

 

The rest is just breadcrumbs, a girl with a smartphone on a beach somewhere playing with her phone and doing your head in, even though she's thousands of miles away.

 

If the social media is affecting you, and clearly it is, then delete her.

 

I'm going to say something you don't want to hear; but I think its best that men just accept this reality. One of the main reasons why she dumped you was to have sex with other men while she travels. Its a chance for her to go a bit wild, without the consequences of people talking about her, or seeing the men in the same town. The rest is just dishonest excuses and not wanting to hurt your feelings.

 

Do NOT be her back up plan when she gets back. And if a woman goes cold before she's about to travel, best to walk away on the spot. If she loves you, she'll be doing her best to pack you in her backpack, not going cold.

 

You haven't lost anything here really, I've been in your shoes a few times. Keep the NC and enjoy skydiving and other things that you love doing.

[MindLESS]

Lordy, there is all sorts of honesty in these posts.. I really appreciate it.

 

Giblesp. I totally get what you’re saying. Why would you think unfollowing me on Instagram and viewing my videos / liking 1 of my posts would be about enticing me? Is she looking for a reaction? Well she better keep looking cause I just carried on the same way.

 

It is true I am my own worst enemy in these situations sometimes. Sometimes you just live in this fog that takes so much time to dissipate to reveal reality. Which is tough because many things that you should do are counterintuitive.