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Orgasmless winter... or eternity?!?!?!?!?!


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My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half, (23M, 21F), we did break up for about three months earlier this year and I slept with about six other people in that time, he slept with one. That has been a huge problem in our relationship since getting back together, but that isn't what I'm posting about. When we broke up before it was because of our sex life. I wasn't having orgasms with him. at all. ever. and I was really resentful, and angry. because of this, i didn't want to have sex, I felt that it was one sided, and when we would, and I wouldn't orgasm id feel really angry and disappointed. I know sex isn't a goal oriented thing, and that isn't what I was doing, I just wanted him to try harder, or have better chemistry or just have an orgasm!! I blamed him a lot for it, even though I came to realize it was a mutual thing, and not just him.

Now we have been back together for eight months, and the same problems are back. We haven't had sex in a month and a half. I have a high sex drive, and love feeling connected with him but it just never happens. Lately we've been trying and nothing has felt right. I even tried to spice things up the other night with some things that I knew he'd be into (lingerie he bought me, and other things). But he wasn't into it at all.. and I felt like absolutle garbage.

He doesn't like talking about it, he fears it puts too much more pressure on the situation, which I understand. but communication is also important, and I try to voice how I'm feeling about our lack of sex life.

And when I bring it up he comes up with excuses, like we don't go out enough, or were too into our routine.

Im 21, and a very sexual person, and have voiced to him I don't want to give up the sexual part of a relationship.

I love him very much, he's my best friend, and I think I want this to work out. I can't imagine not seeing him everyday.

I guess what I'm asking is what anyone out there thinks about my situation. or if you've been in a similar situation. Im in college and none of my girlfriends have this issue with their boyfriends and I feel like theres something wrong with me. I live with five girls, all of whom have boyfriends, and a lot of loud sex.

Should I end things with him over sex, again? Even though I love him? or how could we make it work when it seems like its just not there??


Please send help...

-- Sexless in Seattle

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You may be best friends.....but it seems like the chemistry is simply not there for a romantic relationship to survive.

Basically, it just sounds like you are trying to force something to happen that just isn't there in the first place.

Relationships are like a stool with three legs. In order for it to stand, the intellectual, emotional, and sexual connection has to be there. If either one of the three are missing, your relationship will fail. In your case, sounds like sexual chemistry just isn't there.

I'd stop wasting time and move on if I were you. You are too young to cling on and "work" on this. Working on things makes more sense when you are both 50 and have been married for 25 years and have a lot invested in each other. Right now, you need to figure out who is right for you and this guy obviously isn't. No reason to belabor that point or keep wasting time trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

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Do you give him help in getting you there? Like do you tell him how to get you off?

Do you masturbate so that you know what gets you off?

When you were with the six guys in three months did any of them get you off?

Do you guys do anything fun together or do you have a life of Netflixing or gaming and don't really do anything to stimulate your minds while interacting together so your bodies can follow?


Finally; has he ever given you an orgasm? If he hasn't, then why did you go back with him?

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