Advice needed please.

[Lizzy1977]

I have just spilt from a 10yr relationship, I am 40 and he is 59. We both have children, he has 2 in their late 20's amd I have. 17yrold, we've never lived together due to me not wanting to move my child from his school and friends. For the first 7 years he worked away, which was great because every time he came back it was exciting and passionate. Now he works in his town amd we try see each other as much as possible as it's only live 25 miles away. He was badly hurt during and after his divorce. (We met 7 years after) and still hurts now, so much that he is only walking his daughter down the aisle then leaving. I also have had bad experiences. My sons father, physically and mentally abusive for 7 years, and I only left him because I was worried for my son safety. , I have brung up my son most of my life so have a very special bond as is father is in and out of jail or on heavy drugs.

I have always wanted to be married amd recently be getting to me big time. Any time previously that we've had a wedding etc he tells me not to speak about. I have just finished with him because he won't marry me , I love him, he's so good to me. BUT IS THIS ENOUGH....HAVE I DONE THE RIGHT THING

[rosephase]

If marriage is worth losing a loving fulfilling relationship that was working other wise? Yeah. You've done the right thing.

 

If he isn't interested in marrying again and getting married is the only way you'll stay with him then you are incompatible.

[Lizzy1977]

Thanks for advice..I feel the marriage part is 70% of the problem, I keep thinking if we lived together sooner I may be settled and ready for my pipes and slippers, but not sure how I feel. So mixed up

[rosephase]

Thanks for advice..I feel the marriage part is 70% of the problem, I keep thinking if we lived together sooner I may be settled and ready for my pipes and slippers, but not sure how I feel. So mixed up

 

You broke up with him so it doesn't sound like you are mixed up. It sounds like you were extremely clear.

 

Did you ever talk to him about what you wanted? Did he ever explain why marriage isn't on the table for him? What is it about marriage that would solve 70% of your relationships problems? Because marriage doesn't really change the way your relationship is or isn't working.

[Keyman]

If you must have this status of being married, then it is best to leave this relationship and look for someone that is more interested in doing the same. The question is: what would you get out of the marriange more than you already get from this decade long relationship? After so long, it sounds like he is definitly committed to you, but if you are unhappy bcause you don't have this label of 'wife' then perhaps you are not committed to this relationship and you are right to want to leave it.

[Clio]

If he hasn't changed his mind about marrying you in a decade, it's highly unlikely that he ever would. Imo, you did the right thing if marriage is important to you. Plus, a 19 year difference is quite an age gap. Your life stages are growing apart with him nearing retirement while you still have 2 more decades prior to that stage.