Sorry if it's the wrong place please tell me if it is! Anyway, NC + Will it develop more?

[Starryblue]

Hello,

 

First time post etc so please be nice to me!

 

Anyway, let's get on with the story. I'll keep it brief.

 

I met this great guy about a year ago. He recently had broken up with his 10 year relationship girlfriend. I carried on talking to him because at the time, I didn't want anything. Just companionship I guess. We met up a couple of times and that's where the trouble started. We both started to develop feelings- I wanted more, so did he but said it was too soon and he didn't feel comfortable going into a new relationship.

 

We had a massive argument and stopped talking for a couple of months. He got in contact with me and we tried to be friends but the attraction was there as strong as ever. We fell back into old habits that wasn't healthy for either of us i.e just had arguments and we couldn't be as honest as we wanted to be. We stopped talking again for a couple of months. This time it was both of us making the first move and saying hi first. I went to visit him recently. We had a great weekend together but because of my new job/relocation and him still not ready for a relationship, we said we'll remains "friends" (staying friends with someone that you've had sex with is BS) and see what happens. This time we have, we haven't fallen out but it was going to the point that it felt that I was making all the effort to talk to him. So I decided to go NC.

 

It's been nearly three weeks since I last spoke to him. I've tried to move on and go on dates with new lads etc but I'm still hoping he'll text me. Will he contact me? Should I carry on with NC? I don't have him on any social media so he can't see what I'm up-to etc. I just don't see why we both can't move on from on each other. That darn attraction

Thanks

x

[Rustysuit]

Not sure what you want from this since you barely can start a relationship or properly communicate with each other.

 

Relationships are hard work, but not in the beginning lol, the beginning is supposed to easy and smooth sailing. If you're having this much trouble without even having anything really, I really don't know what you want.

[gijeanie]

It sounds like he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship right now which is understandable coming out of a 10 year relationship. It sounds like he likes having fun with you but the moment anything serious happens he puts a stop to things. I don't see you guys being able to be friends right now.

 

Try going strict no contact. Block everything. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him.

 

I know how bad you want to hear from him but it sounds like it ends painfully when you do. Sorry your going through this.

 

It just sounds like you two are in two different places and you want two different things. If that is the case then this circle will keep happening. Is this what you want?

 

I think you deserve better.

 

You can be the most amazing woman in the world but you will never be good enough for a man who is just not ready. I've learned that lesson the hard way.

[SweetGirl28]

Did you tell him you're doing NC? Because he most likely thinks you've just moved on this time.

However, if that is not your goal, NC isn't going to do anything except make him forget you.

You had a great weekend together, so why go NC? Is it a test to see how long until he misses you?

This is the issue with friends vs relationship. They aren't obligated to be in touch regularly.

He is being honest. Men are slow to restart committed relationships unless they are needy and clingy.

 

It's impossible to be friends when there's a strong attraction. I hate seeing anyone give up when the attraction

is so strong, because how often is that burning passion found? Some guys are worth the wait to hang on to

until they are ready. A 10 year long relationship he had just ended takes longer than a year to move on from.

However...... It's a risk. You could be left hanging for years. And if you have life goals that might be compromised,

then you'd just be wasting your time on something that may never be.

[Starryblue]

Did you tell him you're doing NC? Because he most likely thinks you've just moved on this time.

However, if that is not your goal, NC isn't going to do anything except make him forget you.

You had a great weekend together, so why go NC? Is it a test to see how long until he misses you?

This is the issue with friends vs relationship. They aren't obligated to be in touch regularly.

He is being honest. Men are slow to restart committed relationships unless they are needy and clingy.

 

It's impossible to be friends when there's a strong attraction. I hate seeing anyone give up when the attraction

is so strong, because how often is that burning passion found? Some guys are worth the wait to hang on to

until they are ready. A 10 year long relationship he had just ended takes longer than a year to move on from.

However...... It's a risk. You could be left hanging for years. And if you have life goals that might be compromised,

then you'd just be wasting your time on something that may never be.

 

No I haven’t told him I’m doing no contact. If someone said to me “in six months or a year, he’ll be ready.” I would wait for him but we can’t guarentee that-nobody can! I don’t want to wait around for him to be like “sorry, I’ve found someone else” and I’ve been strung along. What do you suggest then?

[Starryblue]

It sounds like he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship right now which is understandable coming out of a 10 year relationship. It sounds like he likes having fun with you but the moment anything serious happens he puts a stop to things. I don't see you guys being able to be friends right now.

 

Try going strict no contact. Block everything. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him.

 

I know how bad you want to hear from him but it sounds like it ends painfully when you do. Sorry your going through this.

 

It just sounds like you two are in two different places and you want two different things. If that is the case then this circle will keep happening. Is this what you want?

 

I think you deserve better.

 

You can be the most amazing woman in the world but you will never be good enough for a man who is just not ready. I've learned that lesson the hard way.

 

I actually can understand why he doesn’t want a relationship. No it’s not, I want it to be good and be able to enjoy each other’s company without the worry of leading each other on it and be able to explore both of us as an us.

 

Awww I’m sorry to hear that! its horrible!

[SweetGirl28]

No I haven’t told him I’m doing no contact. If someone said to me “in six months or a year, he’ll be ready.” I would wait for him but we can’t guarentee that-nobody can! I don’t want to wait around for him to be like “sorry, I’ve found someone else” and I’ve been strung along. What do you suggest then?

 

I know! This is hard because of the attraction being so strong.

At this point it may be best to contact him and just lay it all out.

You can't make anyone be ready, yet it's frustrating to wait.

If you want, tell him you need to do NC because of the attraction. See what he says.

A man that wants you does not want you to disappear. And right now he knows he has you there.

 

Follow your gut, the heart leads to trouble. If your gut is pulling at you to walk, then do it.

[Starryblue]

I know! This is hard because of the attraction being so strong.

At this point it may be best to contact him and just lay it all out.

You can't make anyone be ready, yet it's frustrating to wait.

If you want, tell him you need to do NC because of the attraction. See what he says.

A man that wants you does not want you to disappear. And right now he knows he has you there.

 

Follow your gut, the heart leads to trouble. If your gut is pulling at you to walk, then do it.

 

I don’t trust my gut haha it always leads me to trouble! I’m really torn into what to do!

[SweetGirl28]

I don’t trust my gut haha it always leads me to trouble! I’m really torn into what to do!

 

No girl! Your gut is what should lead you to what's right! Lol

 

Since you're not sure, do nothing. Wait this out. You'll get the feeling of what's right to do when you

You're ready to feel it. I don't want to lead you astray, but if it were me, I'd just say what I'm thinking

if my attraction was that intense.

[Starryblue]

Yeah you're right- I'll wait it out and see what my gut says. I normally say something but I'm hesitant to do so this time and I don't know why.