boyfriend has dumped me again I'm a mug

[Bekki47]

so I have been with this guy for 8 months now. I wrote previously about him during the 5 month period but I stuck it out in the hope that things would change but they havnt it's been the same throughout. hes constantly breaking up with me after we argue making a big dramatic exit and then blocking me from everything and I've fought and fought for him so much and told him he doesn't have to keep leaving and finishing with me every time we have an argument but he takes things too extreme I put it down to me being the longest he's ever had a relationship with at 38 so he doesn't know how to deal with it but it's so draining and frustrating and it hurts me every time but I get the blame it's all my fault then he will come back after me chasing him to only to do it again and the circle goes on.

 

I recently planned his birthday and made it really special for him i took him away to London took him to a show everything, meal, cake gifts the lot. everyone told me not to go through with it as he had dumped me the week before after an argument and left his phone off for 24 hrs to tell me he did it to see what life was like without me. everyone said id be mad to do that i should get all my money back but i did go through with it anyway. The friday night was great then on the Saturday morning we was talking and it turned into a discussion and he started getting defensive and started kicking off not letting me speak and we got in to another row and he started packing and i thought here we go then he left me in the 5* hotel I got him and left me in London I had to make my own way back I was in tears on the train and got a text saying we are not working I'm a horrible person and we are done then he took our pic of WhatsApp and i was blocked again.

 

I sent him an email telling him how much I loved him and wanted it to work and how he had made me feel and he responded saying we wasn't compatible thznks for everything i done for him but I've got to move on so I said ok I'll do that. The following morning I get a text saying he is not coping he feels crap and he's so sad and I hated him feeling that way so I called him and talked to him. A few months back I had found out he had been messaging an ex I never really knew exactly what went on with them I saw a couple of messages from them with him asking her if she's coming over and he wants to see her and there had been video calls and bank details. he told me he will never show me the messages as they would hurt me and the bank details were him paying her to keep quiet and till this day I don't really know if they met or what really went on but he said he didn't want her he wanted me and deleted his Facebook and blocked her and he's been off it a while and I decided to give things another go but the day after he left me in London his account was reactivated all our pics have been 'removed and it says single so when I called him and questioned him about that after he was telling me how he's feeling so bad after the breakup that heheoves me etc he got all defensive again and was getting angry. I said to him he should have stayed on Facebook whilst we were together rather then deleted it if he didn't really want to rather than do it after the break up and go back to the job he said he would never do again when we was together but as soon as we split he's doing it he said he had had enough again and said have a nice life and hung up on me.

 

I tried to call him and asked if we could meet to talk and work things out ...my messages were read but he didn't respond so I left it for the night to wake up Saturday morning to a message saying we are incomparable I will never change and I let unnessasery things get in the way of our relationship and that the dead horse has been flogged long enough he will leave this with me now and he will block me from everything have a nice life and goodbye. the moment I received it and tried to call him and I'm block straight away and that's the last I've heard from him. I feel such an idiot because when I had the chance to block him and finish him I didn't have the heart. my friends and boys kept telling me to do it but I couldn't I just wanted to be with him and now he's gone and done this and I think that's the end now I'm in bits. I've invested so much into the relationship and I've done so much for him and been there for him all for nothing he doesn't have a care. I'm so down and I'm drained I don't know what to do next.

[MissCanuck]

You need to walk away for good, OP. He is not capable of having a relationship with you. He's 38 and 8 months is his longest relationship? That says a lot, I'm afraid.

 

I dated a man like this. My ex was a very unstable person who would pick fights, blow up on me, and end it over the most seemingly innocuous things. He never once took ownership for his role in these arguments either, and blamed me for his volatile and erratic behavior. I was emotionally exhausted and tired of being the proverbial punching bag.

 

In my ex's case, there were underlying (diagnosed) psychological problems that he refused to treat. I cannot say if this man has similar problems, but it doesn't really matter either. The point is that you need to love yourself more so you stop trying to make this dysfunction work. You are seeking love and stability from someone who has shown you again and again that he can't/won't give it you. You can't love someone into recognizing your value and deciding you are worth it. But you can do that for yourself.

 

I finally stopped trying and told him I was done, and he was not happy about that! But I didn't care anymore, because I had lost all interest in him. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

[Bekki47]

I'm really struggling this time I'm so down although not shocked as I'm used to him going but I always think he will be still there. now he has blocked me from everything and told me he has rather than just done it like he usually does it feels more final that he's gone forever and I know people will say good be ause I can't be with someone like that but I love this guy d he's been a big part of my life and it's really hurting me.

[katrina1980]

I'm really struggling this time I'm so down although not shocked as I'm used to him going but I always think he will be still there. now he has blocked me from everything and told me he has rather than just done it like he usually does it feels more final that he's gone forever and I know people will say good be ause I can't be with someone like that but I love this guy d he's been a big part of my life and it's really hurting me.

 

Oh my lord, this man is beyond dysfunctional and toxic.

 

Bekki, I am so sorry but there is no way you can work with this.

 

Personally, I believe he may suffer from Bi-polar I, his mood swings are just too intense and severe to ignore this possibility.

 

But as Ms. Canuck said, this is not your problem to solve for him. You need to take care of YOU, otherwise this "relationship" has the potential of literally destroying you emotionally. I have seen it happen.

 

He is a grown man, 38 years of age, he must know something isn't right, unless his psychological issues are so severe he is completely unaware and disconnected from reality.

 

Please reach out and seek support from others in your situation.

 

Search google and find support groups in your area, I did and it has helped me tremendously! It's actually a weekly meet up where we discuss our issues, and various other topics.

 

I know you love him, but this is emotional abuse in my opinion, if he were physically abusing you, would you still feel the same?

 

Again please take care of YOU. As Ms. C said you can't "love" someone into recognizing your value, realizing you are worth it, respecting and loving you.

 

This man has shown you time and time again, he is completely incapable of this.

 

Time for YOU to love yourself more, block and walk away from HIM.

 

This will never get better, only worse.

 

This man has dragged you down to rock bottom, there is nowhere to go from here but UP, without him.

 

Best of luck as you climb your way up and out of this mess.

 

Stay strong!

[Bekki47]

yea thanks for this he has blocked me from everything and also told his sister to tell me that. I have also done the same and cut off all contact now it's killing me because I love him. his sister says he needs councilling as he has underlying issues and I should just leave him. she also says I should go councilling for my insecurities which were made worse when he was arranging to meet his ex behind my back but im.looking into it. he's even blocked my boys who he said he loved but I think that's because he don't want me messaging him through them which I wouldn't do. I can't believe a man can treat you this way after telling you he loves you and wants a future together

[irishblonde201]

Hi bekki , your partner sounds just st like mine one minute he says he loves me and wants a future with me then i find him on dating sites and when i ask him about it he blocks me and ignores me for a couple of days and then he calls round to my house acting like nothing has happened, its been like this for over 4 years now and i really love him so does my child but he breaks my heart when he blocks me on everything i dont know what to do im heartbroken, were both in our forties he needs to grow up