Why am I in the wrong? After what he did to me?

[Diszconected12]

I posted a thread yesterday about my breakup with my now ex who I still love and want to be with- right now we are taking things slow (we are not together but seeing if we could possibly be able to trust and work things out). People have told me not to go back with him but they do not know the full story of the wrong we both caused eachother which I will explain now and hope for some answers.

 

Mine and my ex relationship was PERFECT before December last year ... my boyfriend didn't understand my depression or depression and anxiety at all- our sex lives plummeted and I wouldn't talk to him as much because he would think it's his fault when it wasn't it was my illness. I lent on other people who happened to be boys who he thought I fancied and wanted to be with instead of him which wasn't true, it looked like I was interested in them which I wasn't and he couldn't understand that... January this year we have many heated arguments that got out of hand resulting in screaming, crying, pushing restraining and it wasn't a good time for us. In February one argument went to far where he restrained me underwater which left marks on my face- he was remorseful and promised to never do it again- his mum and dad saw what happened and broke up the fight. I broke up with him but he begged for forgiveness and would never do it again so I tried to give us a chance.. during this time I was so confuessed and lonely- I couldn't talk to him how I used too I didn't know how I could love someone that would do that to me.. so I broke it off again with him and told him I didn't love him anymore which wasn't true I was just terrified of getting hurt emotionally again. A week after we broke up and really good friend I have got intoxicated and ended up being sexual with eachother which was a mistake that we both agreed on because we have no feelings whatsoever, I guess I just felt so alone and was confused about my ex and didn't know if I still loved him or not. My ex found out about this fair and told be I betrayed him and how I am disgusting because I tried to lie about it, saying I was so disrespectful for not telling the truth as he was worried about this friend in the relationship. I felt guilty so I begged for his forgiveness and told him I'd do anything to get back with him but he was so controlling and manipulative which I don't blame him if someone upsets you like that you would be right?... we got back together but I went away with my friends to Greece and ended up realising I need to be alone right now and want to be away from life as I was so suicidle about everything that was happening this year. I cut contact with my boyfriend without no explanation, no breakup just blocked without any notice, which was wrong.. I just wasn't in the right mental state. I went back to Greece for 3 months living a single life, he found out I went back to Greece and did the same for the 3 months- lived the single life however he was so incredibly hurt but my decisions and how I've left things and developed POST traumatic depression... which I feel horrible for. I thought about him all the time for the 3 months I still loved him- I just felt we needed air from eachother... but I couldn't of broke it off with him I'm a worse way, I'm ashamed of myself.

 

We met after 6 months of not seeing eachother and we still feel the same... we have had relations with other people but we both still love eachother and would want to be with eachother in the future but we know now isn't the best time as we are both still really hurt from what happened...

I still am I love with him and couldn't see myself spending my life with anyone else but understand time is the essence to healing.

I know I've done wrong- more so than he has but do you think we can heal this breakage? After not seeing eachother for so long seeing other people then coming back still wanting eachother? Can you give me any advice on how to make this work so we can spend our lives together in the future. Many thanks x

[Iggy5129]

We’re going to give you the same advice as yesterday. It’s doesn’t matter what you did, he should not have physically attacked you. He tried to drown you!! Stay away from him. You’ve done nothing wrong and he is abusive.

 

I don’t care how mad you are at someone. It’s never ok to hit or push their head under water. Walk away before the next fight happens and he puts you in the hospital.

[katrina1980]

How do you make this work? I'll make it easy, you DONT!

 

I absolutely agree Iggy, hell you could have drowned! Next time you might and there WILL definitely be a next time.

 

Abuse escalates, and maybe next time he will throw acid on your face (google it, many cases of that happening) disfiguring you for life. Will you still "love" him then?

 

This isn't "love," at most it's emotional dependency, co-dependency.

 

You don't hold the person you love's head under water, what the hell are you thinking OP?

 

Your conflicting feelings are typical, research abusive relationships PLEASE.

 

You also say he is controlling and manipulative?

 

No this is not okay, under any circumstance.

 

This RL is toxic in the worst way.

 

Call an abusive hotline, or seek counseling, you need to break away emotionally, otherwise as Iggy said, next time you may end up in hospital or dead.

[MissCanuck]

Same thing I said yesterday - he is a dangerous person.

 

This is abuse and it won't work.

[Zehr21]

Unfortunately, I used to have an anger problem but never did I go further then yelling but I it takes allot of work and counselling to be who I am today.

 

Also I have seen to many of my friends get into relationships where there partners get physically abusive and it never ends! I look at physically abusive relationships like the ball game strike 1, strike 2, strike 3 and your out! Each time getting worse so to me 1 strike is 1 too many! You should leave him and never be in contact with him again unless police are present!

[catfeeder]

Once a physical attack occurs, nothing else before that point matters, and the only valid response is to stay FAR away from that person. Period.