Boyfriend not getting enough time off work is getting me down

[Elm98]

So me and my partner have been dating around twelve months now and I’m a bit down about the amount of quality time we actually get to spend together.

My boyfriend gets two days off work a week (can be any day of the week but rarely weekends)

I study at college Monday through till Thursday and it’s getting me down that we don’t get much actual time together.

My boyfriend gets in at 6:30pm and is shattered from working so by the time we have had dinner and relaxed a little he is tired and we go to bed around 10pm.

More and more of his days off clash with when I am in classes and i don’t feel like we get to do enough fun stuff together and it’s all become mundane as all we seem to do is eat, watch tv and sleep.

The intimacy and love is still there very much so but I’m just feeling fed up that things aren’t more fun and romantic.

Any other people dealing with the same issue or dealt with the same issue and have any solutions?

[thorough]

So me and my partner have been dating around twelve months now and I’m a bit down about the amount of quality time we actually get to spend together.

My boyfriend gets two days off work a week (can be any day of the week but rarely weekends)

I study at college Monday through till Thursday and it’s getting me down that we don’t get much actual time together.

My boyfriend gets in at 6:30pm and is shattered from working so by the time we have had dinner and relaxed a little he is tired and we go to bed around 10pm.

More and more of his days off clash with when I am in classes and i don’t feel like we get to do enough fun stuff together and it’s all become mundane as all we seem to do is eat, watch tv and sleep.

The intimacy and love is still there very much so but I’m just feeling fed up that things aren’t more fun and romantic.

Any other people dealing with the same issue or dealt with the same issue and have any solutions?

 

I can totally understand. My bf was working his 2nd job for a couple months. We only saw each other on weekends and during the week, I would feel kinda neglected. The mundaneness started setting in as well and now we plan things together. Sit him down when he is in a good mood and explain how you feel.

[reinventmyself]

I can relate to your bf's schedule. I do have weekends off but during the week I am pretty much married to my job and I don't have much to give mid week.

A portion of my weekend. . a mere 48 hours, is spent catching up and getting ready for my work week so it takes an extra effort to fit in some relationship priorities.

 

So. . this is the hand you've been dealt. Complaining about it serves no purpose.

You either get in and figure something out together or you part ways.

He isn't going to quit his job any time soon, so this is your challenge.

 

Have you spoken to him about this in a way that comes across as a two dedicated team members working towards the same goal?

[j.man]

Not really sure how fair it would be to make his livelihood a matter of your feelings.

 

As reinventyourself put it, this is the hand you've been dealt. If you need a guy who is more available, then you've gotta find someone who's just that. My lady's a doctor and I work ~60 hour weeks during the academic year. Even living together, there are times we might get to actually sit down with one another for maybe 30 minutes in a given week. We both enjoy our space and are understanding of each other's career, so it's not really an issue. If either of us were someone different, we'd probably not be a fit.

 

But I suppose whether I'd say it's all doom and gloom for you, I'd consider whether there might be a silver lining somewhere, such as you graduating potentially giving you two more options to hang out, him banking any PTO (if that's a thing at his job) to use for a trip with you maybe, or whatever else.

[annie24]

eh.... i dunno - it just kind of sounds like adulthood.

 

How far in advance does he know what his days off will be? You can always try to schedule one fun event during that time, especially if it's an evening you both can have off. Does he have days off coming up with the holidays?

[catfeeder]

Have you raised this with BF? What does he suggest?

[Elm98]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the various different answers...

I understand it’s the hand we have been dealt hand once I have graduated things will get easier.

We did discuss it last night and we both felt exactly the same way.

I forgot to mention that there is a 9 year age gap between us so where as his career is there mine is just beginning really.

 

He isn’t happy with where he is working at the minute and said himself he wants to look at moving somewhere with more flexible hours and time off. We both decided that with buying a house this year that he is waiting till the new year to search for a new job and that in the mean time he will try and make his days off a little bit more correlated with my days off (when he can) and we discussed booking a few overnight trips to places in advance so we can get that quality time and we can do it in a way where we can both know we will be off.

I think this post ended up being more of a rant because I was feeling a bit down about it last night, but he is amazing and we work through these things