Ex was warming to me, then cold and I went NC

[Chief85]

Hi, to fill you in, my ex and I were together for 3 years and for the most part we had a very good relationship. I'm 32 and she's 22, we always supported each other through hard times, had great times/dates, went on holidays together and had been talking about moving in together to be closer, she lives an hour drive away.

Leading up to the break up, I noticed a change in her, we had argued a few times but always made up. Her grandfather passed away in Feb and it really hit her hard as she lived with grandparents growing up. A few months later her grandmother got ill but is still around and she is the primary carer, even though her mother (alcoholic) and uncle (waste of space) are still around. She had been talking a lot about a new friend that worked with her at a bar, he is the DJ. They seemed to be getting too close for my liking but I only confronted her about it one time and others I didn't appear jealous or insecure.

We had a holiday in September to Barcelona which she didn't come to because her grandmother was ill but she never told me she wasn't coming, just pushed me away every time I tried to offer support. I went alone.

She broke up with me by text on the third day of the holiday after a little argument.

We continued talking every day as if nothing had happened for a week then I cut off contact.

A week later she popped up again and we talked but nothing was resolved so I left it.

Happened again a few days later and she wanted to see me when she came to pick up her things. I agreed but she still hasn't come.

We spoke every day until 7 days ago. Before that I told her on the phone how I felt and that I still loved her. She was still talking about this DJ a fair bit, how she drives him home when he's drunk and he put her on his car insurance. She never said she loved me back or missed me, only what was going on in her life, issues and things, but she never said no to a second chance either. She messaged me some more in the few days after the phone call, some quite rude, some bringing up good memories. I sent a message initiating no contact after she asked to loan her some money.

Did I blow it by going NC? It's been 7 days now and i'm going out of my mind.

[Chief85]

In addition, there were a couple of times early on that I was messaging another woman. Emotional cheating yes, but would never have acted on it. I made up for this many times over. I have had so.e self esteem issues in the past and was looking for validation from anywhere I could get it.

Is there a chance we will reconcile?

[SweetGirl28]

You didn't blow anything, she broke up with you.

 

She's also very confused. Give her space.

Do not give her money though! You are not her doormat.

[boltnrun]

What about this DJ? If on the off chance she does come back, would you be willing to put up with her hanging around with him, driving him around and her being on his insurance?

[Chief85]

This is a worry for sure! She always talked about him in an 'older brother' kind of way but they do seem too close. I get that women can have guy friends and he is/was married to a Russian girl but my ex had mentioned he was thinking of divorce. I guess she wanted his support rather than my own! I've always been able to trust her though, she has a lot of guy friends.

[fabact]

Sorry but breaking up over text is so lame. I think there is an immaturity level going on here. She broke up with you so there is really nothing you can do right now. It's not like the no contact is preventing her from contacting you. Even if you were in contact it does not mean she would come back to you. She would probably ask you for things like to borrow money...

[boltnrun]

This is a worry for sure! She always talked about him in an 'older brother' kind of way but they do seem too close. I get that women can have guy friends and he is/was married to a Russian girl but my ex had mentioned he was thinking of divorce. I guess she wanted his support rather than my own! I've always been able to trust her though, she has a lot of guy friends.

 

Have any of her other guy friends put her on their insurance?

[Chief85]

Not that I know of. She has used friends cars before but on a one off basis. This seemed to be a more regular use because he was always drinking and driving. She has her own now anyway so it was a short term thing.

[Chief85]

Though I guess all that means is she could be picking him up and dropping him off in her own car now though lol

[boltnrun]

Though I guess all that means is she could be picking him up and dropping him off in her own car now though lol

 

So that means you're fine with it? I'm guessing that's why you wrote "lol", because you find it funny.

[Chief85]

It would be a topic of discussion for sure. People who work together carpool all the time, I have female colleagues I have given rides to and never been an issue. The "lol" was for my error in judgment over the previous comment suggesting it might stop simply because she had her own car

[MissCanuck]

You didn't blow anything. She already ended it, and it's pretty clear she's seeing this DJ, OP.

 

To use a cliche, she is too young for you. She hasn't had enough life experience to settle down, and her maturity level is not where yours is. Yes, she is an adult, but you two are in very different life stages. I am sorry this happened the way it did, regardless. It sounds as though you will be better off with a more mature woman who has already explored and had her fill of dating and flings.

[boltnrun]

It would be a topic of discussion for sure. People who work together carpool all the time, I have female colleagues I have given rides to and never been an issue. The "lol" was for my error in judgment over the previous comment suggesting it might stop simply because she had her own car

 

Do you honestly think she and the DJ are just carpooling?

 

How many female colleagues whom you carpooled with did you add to your insurance?

[Giblesp]

No, NC never blows anything.

 

Don't tolerate the rudeness. Tell her plain and simple that you will not have that level of communication in your life, and unless she is willing to communicate in an adult fashion, it is best that she maintain NC. The good thing about being broken up with her, is that you don't have to be in her firing zone anymore. Thats now MR DJ's role, good luck to him.