Urgent advice required please.

[simon_uk]

Hi

I took a letter to my ex's mums on Thursday gone, she may have had it, she may not because her mum said she wasnt seeing her until Tuesday, ie Tomorrow. Anyhow, it is her 30th birthday on Thurs, do I send a card or flowers or not. Somebody advised me not to as she hasnt respnded to my letter, I will just make my self look, weak, clingy and desperate. What do you think? We have been apart for four or five weeks. NC since a text messgae I initiated two weeks ago. The problems in our relationship were that she didnt feel important and neglected.

 

Simon

[Wimpy]

Don't do it Simon. Wait and see if she responds to your letter. I'm into day 15 of my break-up and have felt so desperate I don't even want to live. However I'm telling myself today that the only thing I CAN do in this situation is CHOOSE how I respond to it. I can't answer questions he won't answer and he's had no contact with me since I initiated NC with him.

 

The same is true for you. She's not replied so hard as it is I think you should do nothing and wait.

 

Probably not the answer you wanted.

[simon_uk]

Yeah I know what you are saying Wimpy but we didnt fall out and we remained on good terms. Her issues is that she thought I didnt care or didnt want to move forward. She may not have had the letter yet, I dont know. But if I dont send her a card I will not be able to live with myself I dont think. It is sad isnt it because this girl has broken my heart so why should I care about upsetting her?

 

Good Luck with your situation

 

Simon

[dollyd]

Hey Simon, i'm in the same boat it's my ex birthday on Wednesday, i really don't know if i should send him a card or get him a pressie,

 

We've been getting on really well at the mintue, i do still care about him but i know i don't want him back as a lover. So i don't want him to think it's in affort to get him back,

 

So do i send him one or not?

[Hope75]

Hi Simon,

 

Her issues is that she thought I didnt care or didnt want to move forward.

 

How do you feel about her? What do you want to happen? Why did she feel this way?

 

Send her the card and flowers if you do care and want to move forward, and if you can follow through with those feelings and they are not just becasue you have now lost her.

 

If you are just acting on reflex action because you have lost her but don't truly see a future with her than leave her be.

[simon_uk]

I want to be with her more than anything in the world! She has got a lot of problems, she works in a dodgy environment, she is on anti depressants, she is mixed up with a bad crowd, her best friend is a biatch and she knows this but still sees her and works with her, and she has a bit of a drink problem. She has nobody in her life of any stability, I was the only one. Yet I seem to be the focus of all of her problems. I want to take her away from it all and just love her but like I say I am the focus of her problems right now. She says I am her best friend but hasnt once contacted me to see how I am doing? Maybe she needs time (she has had almost a month) she told me she loves me but isnt IN love with me. Maybe she just isnt attracted to me anymore? she ran from her husband because he was too clingy and needy, I was pretty much the opposite which is why she loved me so much but maybe I was too much the opposite. It is all very confusing and I really dont know if I should chase her which could result in me pushing her away or leave her and be strong which could result in her thinking I didnt care anyway. Confused!!!!!

 

It is a long story but if you PM and are interested I can tell you more. I would be glad of your opinion.

Simon

[chai714]

Send her the card, but not flowers. She wants to be remembered on her birthday, and the card will get the message through that you remembered her. The flowers - scratch that idea. No matter how you look at it, they could come off as romantic. It's a safe bet to send her the card with a short, light-hearted message. Why you two broke up is not a factor in what you do for her for her birthday.

[Hope75]

Simon,

 

This situation is a bit messier than I originally thought. I fact, your ex sounds alot like my ex from 7 years ago, whom I was with for 5 years. It seems more like you feel you need to save her then anything, since she is cruising down a very self destructive path.

 

She left a husband already, is a drinker, is mixed up with a bad crowd and working in a creepy environment. These are all poor choices she has made for herself, and as an adult, she can do that, even though it seems like the wrong choices.

 

My question to you is, what do you get out of this? This doesn't seem very healthy and I'm not sure why you would want to be involved anyway, it sounds like you'll spend more time babysitting her than being in an equal partnership.

 

You can't save her. She has already told you that she is not in love with you, and to me combined with the other factors in her life it would be enough that I would definitely want to move away from this whole situation.

 

I'm sorry as I know this is probably not what you are hoping to hear, but believe me on this one, you are better off getting some distance and letting her go.