Piaresssss Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I feel like I'm posting a lot lately but it does help. So my ex messaged me the other day about coming to my house to drop stuff off but I was at work. I told her if she was coming that day people would be in but she said she would wait till I was there. This is odd as she dropped stuff round the other day when I wasn't in and that was fine. After this I found out through my friend that she might be pregnant. Various things have been running through my mind such as is it mine, is she really pregnant and what is it's someone else's. We last had sex 2 months ago so 8 weeks. We used protection but that isn't 100% effective so there is every chance it could be mine. Then there is the option of it is someone else's. We have always been careful when together and she is not the type for one night stands so this one is less likely as she has very bad body confidence issues and even when drunk she prioritized protection. The most likely one is that she is not pregnant and just miss reading signs of something else. I want to get back with her but don't want it to be due to her having my baby but because we can make it work. If it does come to it I am going to step up and be there for her if she chooses to keep it or terminate. If it isn't mine then I am still going to support her if she needs someone. As I want her back it means i must love all aspects of her even if she has a child with a man that is not me. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Why did you guys break up in the first place? How long did you date before you broke up? How old are both of you? Do you work? Have your own place? Google Paternity Test and be prepared to have on done. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Due to my own issues of insecurity and jealousy that I feel like I have addressed, not a 100% but I am well on my way. We dated for just over 3 years and I'm 24 she is 23 in two months. We both have jobs and I have just finished my master's looking to start a proper job. We both live with are parents. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 How did you address your insecurity issues? Did you just tell yourself you'd not be that way anymore? If that's the case then your new found confidence won't last long... Only until she does something you perceive to be threatening to your place in her life. I'll assume that you haven't been broken up that long so any working on yourself to over come the cause of the break up is a fairly new exercise for you. I hope you're actually taking courses, getting therapy, reading self help books, etc actually doing something tangible to help you keep on the right track. Have you talked to your parents about "what ifs" in this case. I'm sure they'll have some good input that will help you to make good solid decisions when it comes to you using your heart and forsaking your head when it comes to you taking over the role of father if you don't happen to be the bio parent. Its one thing to be magnanimous about this, its quite another to actually live it. Why were you so insecure. Was she prone to do things that you felt go against the boundaries of a romantic relationship or were your insecurities just there even if she didn't show you suspect behaviour? Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Thank you for the advice you seem to know your stuff. I have started going to the gym again to help with my insecurities and have my first personal trainer session booked for next week. I have started being social again to rediscover who I am. Started learning to cook and will take you advice on reading self help books. I want to go to therapy but cannot afford it at this point in time. I have spoke to my mother who was very supportive about the decisions I have made. As for being someone else's father I feel i can. My father figure was my mum's husband and he has been more a father to me than mine was for the past 21years. She would kiss other girls when drunk which did not bother me but then she said I was to into it which was very confusing. The girl she did it with I have cut from my life best I can as I work with her. I felt she would prioritise her friends over me and I would make her feel bad about it but I now see that I was wrong. I learned this due to my friends girlfriend doing the same to him recently and it causing them to split. I no longer want to 've that person. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 She would kiss other girls when drunk which did not bother me but then she said I was to into it which was very confusing. The girl she did it with I have cut from my life best I can as I work with her. I felt she would prioritise her friends over me and I would make her feel bad about it but I now see that I was wrong. I learned this due to my friends girlfriend doing the same to him recently and it causing them to split. I no longer want to 've that person. I hardly would characterize you as being overly jealous or insecure when she's basically cheating on you when she's kissing someone other then you. She is someone that has a lack of romantic relationship boundaries at this point in her life and if you get back with her without resolving the fact that she's being disloyal and will stop with this type of behaviour then you'll be signing up for a life of anxiety ridden mistrust of her. By saying you were into it she was trying to manipulate you into thinking that her lesbian activities were turning you on thus making you think that what she was doing was okay with you, which it clearly was not. Does your mother know that she was doing what she was doing or did she support your decision without knowing all the details? She and you don't sound very compatible in general so don't let the fact that you're missing her say something to her you're going to regret later on. Stepping up to your responsibility to the child (if it is yours) is admirable. Blending your life with her when she's not a good match in general for you is quite another. You can keep your responsibility to the child without being with her in a dysfunctional quagmire. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Why is your "friend" feeding you potentially inaccurate information about your ex? Don't you think if your ex was pregnant she'd tell you herself?? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Why is your "friend" feeding you potentially inaccurate information about your ex? Don't you think if your ex was pregnant she'd tell you herself?? I think she may be going to do that when she meets with him to drop of some of his stuff ... hence why he found it strange that she wanted to wait until he was going to be there when before she didn't need him to be. So my ex messaged me the other day about coming to my house to drop stuff off but I was at work. I told her if she was coming that day people would be in but she said she would wait till I was there. This is odd as she dropped stuff round the other day when I wasn't in and that was fine. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Dont you think it'd be a good idea to find out if she is actually pregnant first? Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 Of course I thought that but I can't help having all these ideas running through my head. I told her I'm free Monday so I will know then. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 Waking up today I feel good. I have made some decisions that I feel are going to benefit me greatly. When my ex cones round I'm going to sit her down and talk it all out. If she is having a baby and its mine im going to step up. Im going to suggest low contact. Be there for all the baby stuff and emotional support with the pregnancy but that is all so I can continue to move on. If she is not pregnant I am going to go no contact as every time I hear from her I take a step back. I do want to be friends with her but feel we need a few months before we can even try. We are going on holiday in a few months with friends and I think that's when we can start to rebuild some form of relationship. If not I'm going on my own holiday while out in Japan. I will get the flight with my ex and then I'm gonna go tokyo disney land. I dont want my emotions to have such control and no matter the outcome on monday I feel i can start truly healing. Link to comment
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