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Why did I even do this to myself?


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Before I begin I should say that this wasn't necessarily a break up because we were never officially a couple. Nonetheless im hurting.



Ok so to begin...me and him met through mutual friends. And please don't just me, but the night I did meet him we were all very drunk and things got a little hot and heavy the first night. This isn't the norm for me and I've been single for about 2 years now with nothing like this happening. I really thought we were just going to be nothing. But a short time after he took me out to dinner. ...and then the dinner/hang outs/excursions and sex continued for 3 months. We both said we didnt want a relationship and wanted to keep this casual. I think deep down I started to get too comfortable and care too much. He called me every day even if we didnt hang out..even when I was on vaca I heard from him..little things like...he held my hand on car rides...said drunken things that made me think "oh no I think he's into this too"...he definitely showed the opposite of what he said he wanted...granted he did also cancel plans alot and it was always on his terms..but i never initiated either. So it was by no means perfect.


Fast forward to now, 2 weeks ago after a very intense day of going out of town together and getting dinner ending with amazing sex he decided 2 days later he needed to tell me we were only friends and that a relationship is not what he wants. I didn't say or do anything for him to feel the need to tell me this on his own, all I can think is he got scared after that last outing because it was a relationship kind of day haha.


Anyways we hung out a week ago and he left shortly after we hooked up, it felt so cold but I know he was living up to the just friends thing. I texted him after he left saying I can't do this anymore (longer text than that) and he did respond with "I don't know anymore and that I know we are just friends so i can't cuddle, I don't know" granted cuddling is something we did do. I just feel like I got myself into this mess but I swear he cared, I just want closure and he has yet to answer my response to his "I don't know" text that night.. it just sucks..i miss him..as messed up as this is..i think I may just miss having someone there..because I don't even know if we matched..i don't want to be single forever...but I just want to avoid feeling let down...i went into this casually thinking I wouldn't get hurt..but nope... do I contact him or just let this hurt ride?


Thanks all.

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I would let this hurt ride.


Unfortunately, he won't be able to make you feel better. He's reiterated his stance on just being friends, so I don't think contacting him will bring you any further answers or relief.


It will sting for a little while but with time and space, you will definitely feel better and ready to move on.

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He is aware of your growing attachment and so he reiterated to you that this is only FWB as far as he is concerned. So that's that.

If you want more, you need to seek someone else. This means seek a relationship and don't get involved in something casual and then hope it will be more.

Trouble with FWB is that inevitably someone is going to get attached and want more, while the other person is good with the original deal and will refuse more. So that's where you find yourself at. There is really nothing to discuss with him and if you keep hoping for more, I think you'll be doing yourself a disservice.

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Just because someone does "couply" things doesn't mean they want to be a couple.


Most people enjoy cuddling, hand holding, hugging and kissing, etc. Again, that doesn't mean they want to be a couple.


"I know we are just friends so i can't cuddle"

THIS is your "closure".

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