He's changed his mind overnight, why and what do I do?

[zredbird]

I've been seeing this guy at uni since we both came here about a month ago and we've been going so crazily well, he always tells me how much he likes me and always spends time with me, just last week and this week his feelings got a lot stronger and he got a lot more open and has told me he can really see is being together in the future etc. All his friends call me his wifey and he's even told his parents about me. He's constantly cuddling and kissing me and telling me he loves my company and really likes me, and before anyone says it's not just to have sex with me as we barely have sex (I want it a lot but he doesn't lol). Just on Sunday and Monday he was really sweet and said he missed me as he didn't see me Saturday and was constantly messaging me etc. However, I had a feeling asomething wasn't quite right when he didn't see me at all Tuesday except from 3 minutes before bed but I played it off just thinking it's fine he doesn't have to see me all the time, and he still was hugging me and kissing me in that time. But, yesterday we had a lecture together and he acted a bit off, less flirty and afterwards he went to watch movies on his own in his room when he'd usually ask to see me for a bit or watch a series with me. But again I thought it's okay he needs his own space. Later on I was going out and he wasn't so I was drunk and just went to his room and asked him for a hug before I go. He really reluctantly gives me one and Then walks off. I find out when I get home that he asked to speak to my friend about me and said he thinks I have the wrong idea and that he doesn't want a relationship now or anytime soon so needs to have a chat with me. He also said he's not bothered about seeing me and guys at the club as we aren't exclusive but he always gets jealous about it to me. Also, last week he accidentally called himself my boyfriend and is always saying how we'll be together at Christmas. Why has his mind changed overnight and what do I do?

[Pleasedonot5]

I don't think his mind has changed at all. He's likes you clearly and enjoys your company. He's getting used to your company and probably realizes that now he should tell you his intentions aren't to be exclusive, because he's concerned you think it's turning exclusive.

 

I recommend, if you are emotionally invested, not settling for less than what you want. Don't be just friends if you want FWB. Don't be FWB if you want an exclusive relationship.

[Andrina]

Since you're not exclusive, it's hard to expect a minimum amount of time you'll spend together, but if what it's been is now regressing, it's not a good sign for longevity. He was not right to discuss what you two have with your friend instead of you.

 

When a person is sober, a drunk person can be a turn-off, which could be the reason he wasn't into hugging you while you were in that state.

 

Sounds like you want exclusivity and he's not wanting that. When you have two different goals, and your needs aren't being met, it's never going to work. Hold out for someone who wants what you want. If it's a guy with longterm potential, you might want to hold off on being intimate until you're sure a guy really wants to get to know you, and not just get into your pants. I'm not saying that's what this guy was doing, but whatever his intent, he's not into you enough to want you all to himself. Move on.

[DanZee]

I think he got frightened. Young guys in particular are afraid of deep relationships. They're afraid of commitment and settling down. They're afraid of getting too close and getting captured by a girl. His friends calling you his "wifey" may have made him realize how close you were getting. So he's started to pull away emotionally and physically and put some distance between you. I mean, what guy would avoid having sex unless he's either immature or afraid of commitment. You should probably see what happens in the next week. After all, it's difficult to tell what's up if it's only been a day or two that he's been like this.

 

But I think you may need to adjust your thinking if he continues to be aloof and keeps talking to your friends about not being exclusive. This may be just a college fling for him. Your relationship might not go anywhere. You might prepare yourself for either a long, lingering fade out or an eventual break up. Or maybe he snaps out of it. As I said, see what happens.