She's blocked me on everything! Yet I still believe theres a chance.....

[Peter1223344]

Me and my girlfriend were together for 7 years. She was head over heals in love with me, absolutely obsessed, and was always scared of loosing me, I was her rock, I supported her through everything, and pushed her to be the best she could be. Because of this I maybe got too comfortable. We did some amazing (once in a lifetime) things together, travelled the world, skydiving, scuba diving, jungle treks etc...

90% of the time the relationship was great, we were both very happy, felt safe, loved and content, she has admitted this herself.

I had one flaw (possibly huge).... she had very outgoing work friends, I have great loyal friends but not very outgoing at all.

The only time I really got to spend time with her was the weekends, as we lived separately and both busy with work. Her work friends would regularly arrange drinking activities on the weekends which she would always attend, leaving me with little time with her. I can admit I resented her for this sometimes and could get a bit arsey, but we always kissed and made up. This was my flaw, and it grinded on her (for very short periods) over 7 years. She said this made her fall out of love with me over the last month and she broke up with me amicably. I desperately and embarrassingly lost all my self respect, pleading with her to give me one more chance, for 2 weeks after we split. But I was overbearing and she blocked me on everything, even my number. I have now respected her space and I'm working very hard on improving myself.

But its true what they say, you don't know what you have until you've lost it. And my trouble is, this has shook me to changing my flaws and if she took me back I know I be different and could make us both happy, but I'm scared I've missed that bus!! I know she's out enjoying life, trying new things with friends and I'm genuinely happy for her and would love to hear about it...

Do I have any chance with her? What should my plan be, because she is all I want/think about.. We were best friends, you can tell me to move on and life may be better down the line... but I believe she really was the one for me.

[Mikey383]

I suggest "NO CONTACT" and see what happens?

If she loves you, she will miss you and come back on her own.

You said "Amicably", but who really dumped whom? Did you dump her, or did she dump you?

Sounds to me that she pulled away from you.....????

[SweetGirl28]

I'm wondering why she chose drinking nights out with friends instead of spending time with you.

And I'm also wondering why you couldn't be included.

 

I'm not certain you were at fault.

She may have wanted out of the relationship.

[caro33]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It does sound like you broke up for a larger reason than you getting shirty about her social life. I mean, seven years is long enough to have sorted that out.

 

Why didn't you see one other more than just the weekends? You said because of work etc. But I can't imagine dating someone for seven years but only really seeing them on the weekends, unless you're a distance away.

 

Regardless of that, going on what you've said, I think her actions of spending weekends with work friends told you what you needed to know - you weren't a priority. You being upset was you picking up on that and I could understand why it would be upsetting. I think that she's moved on and likely used your 'flaw' as an excuse to break up.

 

I think you need to steer clear of further contact. None of us can say if you have another chance with her, but I suggest that if you do it's a while away, and you can't make it happen from your end. She knows where you are.

 

All the best.

[Peter1223344]

Thanks Mikey, I'm now one week into NO CONTACT.. Its tough, I hope she does come back, but I might have been too overbearing trying to win her back, love texts, flowers, paintings... damm! I really did piss my dignity down the drain, but I let my instincts take control cause she was worth the fight.

She 100% dumped me and told me to move on, but it wasn't a heated brake-up, we spoke calmly, she told me how she felt and I apologised.

[Peter1223344]

Thanks for your thoughts!

I'm sure if I'd of asked to come she wouldn't of said no, but it was a girly work bonding thing, no one else brought partners, so id of felt I was intruding.

If I could go a little deeper, she has father issues, and was bullied as a child, so she has a deep desire to be liked by people, and if she missed a night with friends she felt she would be left behind the next time.. maybe she went out once or twice a month so maybe I was over reacting? but the final straw was she went out with work 2 weekends in a row and I let her know how I felt about it...

She really did deeply love me, but she probably felt I was holding her back from creating stronger bonds with friends...

[Peter1223344]

Yeah I see what your saying Caro33, maybe your right. Although, her social life was important to her, she has issues and has a deep desire to be liked by people. And it was addressed numerous times over 7 years, she saw it as jealousy and paranoia on my part... maybe there's little truth in that, but my main issue was that I loved spending time with her and my mates are boring af! So when I wasn't with her id be twiddling my thumbs bored out my mind.

We worked far away, we spent the whole weekends, and I saw her on a weekday but didn't sleep.

cheers!

[Rustysuit]

Sounds like a case of the GIGS. Probably not exactly with another guy, but just another woman thinking she's not "living her life to the fullest" lol.

 

She'll probably be back to you, but it can take a while. I'd suggest trying to move on and finding yourself a real woman who know what she wants.

[caro33]

Sounds like a case of the GIGS. Probably not exactly with another guy, but just another woman thinking she's not "living her life to the fullest" lol.

 

She'll probably be back to you, but it can take a while. I'd suggest trying to move on and finding yourself a real woman who know what she wants.

 

What's GIGS? I didn't realise she was in a band. That explains the weekends.

[caro33]

Yeah I see what your saying Caro33, maybe your right. Although, her social life was important to her, she has issues and has a deep desire to be liked by people. And it was addressed numerous times over 7 years, she saw it as jealousy and paranoia on my part... maybe there's little truth in that, but my main issue was that I loved spending time with her and my mates are boring af! So when I wasn't with her id be twiddling my thumbs bored out my mind.

We worked far away, we spent the whole weekends, and I saw her on a weekday but didn't sleep.

cheers!

 

No problem. It sounds like you might need to think about developing your own interests and friendships perhaps. Not only is that good for you, but it makes you more appealing to others. However, I still think that this issue not being resolved over seven years goes to a basic compatibility issue that probably can't be resolved at this stage.

[Peter1223344]

No problem. It sounds like you might need to think about developing your own interests and friendships perhaps. Not only is that good for you, but it makes you more appealing to others. However, I still think that this issue not being resolved over seven years goes to a basic compatibility issue that probably can't be resolved at this stage.

 

Your wisdom is appreciated! I will take your advice and keep working on myself.

I've forced myself to forget about her and think about other potential relationships, but wow has this girl got hold of my mind/emotions, even after blocking me..

we were compatible in many many ways, but this one thing grinded on us both and I'm man enough to admit maybe I could of handed things better.

At what point would you say, No Contact isn't working, and I need to pick my sorry ass up and move on??

[caro33]

Your wisdom is appreciated! I will take your advice and keep working on myself.

I've forced myself to forget about her and think about other potential relationships, but wow has this girl got hold of my mind/emotions, even after blocking me..

we were compatible in many many ways, but this one thing grinded on us both and I'm man enough to admit maybe I could of handed things better.

At what point would you say, No Contact isn't working, and I need to pick my sorry ass up and move on??

 

Now.

Sorry.

[caro33]

Actually, just to clarify, what does no contact not working mean to you? In the old days, 'no contact' was to help the person who was hurt to move on. It's not a strategy to stay obsessed/upset and hope the other person comes back.

[Peter1223344]

Sounds like a case of the GIGS. Probably not exactly with another guy, but just another woman thinking she's not "living her life to the fullest" lol.

 

She'll probably be back to you, but it can take a while. I'd suggest trying to move on and finding yourself a real woman who know what she wants.

 

I love your honesty Not sure what GIGS is but I think I get your point. She does love her new found social life, especially because of the issues I've mentioned. But ive unintentionally made her feel guilty for living her life. She did bend over backwards for me 90% of the time but I pushed her away. It'd be a shame to throw away a 7 year bond, but I'm not sure how long I should wait for her to see (if ever) that this is a mistake.... I'm pretty sure if I found another woman, and my ex came back I would accept!

[Peter1223344]

Actually, just to clarify, what does no contact not working mean to you? In the old days, 'no contact' was to help the person who was hurt to move on. It's not a strategy to stay obsessed/upset and hope the other person comes back.

 

At this point, 'No Contact' means doing everything I can to improve myself.. But if I'm being honest, I'm using her as motivation to improve myself, so when and if I see her again she will see the 'new me'. I am hoping she'll miss me and get in touch, I cant lie, she was perfect in so many ways, and I messed up. But I know there will eventually have to be a time when she hasn't got in touch that I realise I need to forget about her... if that makes sense lol!!

[Rustysuit]

I love your honesty Not sure what GIGS is but I think I get your point. She does love her new found social life, especially because of the issues I've mentioned. But ive unintentionally made her feel guilty for living her life. She did bend over backwards for me 90% of the time but I pushed her away. It'd be a shame to throw away a 7 year bond, but I'm not sure how long I should wait for her to see (if ever) that this is a mistake.... I'm pretty sure if I found another woman, and my ex came back I would accept!

 

GIGS is "grass is greener syndrome". Meaning, she probably felt a taste of the single life with her friends and "realized" everything she was missing from her life. Probably even got hit on (99% certainty) by some guys and she liked the feeling (honestly, who doesn't?). Thing is, most people. People who know what they want, what they have, know how they feel, won't bother much with it and keep going. Your ex doesn't.

 

To be honest and perfectly clear, there's a chance she just lost feelings and you're both better off without each other, but the way you put things and explained the situation to us is more than likely a case of the GIGS. And if it is, she's gonna crash badly. Not that it means she'll be back to you, but she'll regret it.

 

That's why the best thing you can do is try and move on and don't pine over her or long for her. We all deserve someone who makes us truly happy without reservations and BS. Same goes for her. If she wasn't happy in the relationship, let her be. If she was and somehow she thinks she wasn't, it's something she needs to realize for herself. There's literally nothing you can do except to live your own life and show it to yourself you can make it just fine without her.

 

Hell, there's a 100% chance you're going to meet someone better who will make you feel even better than her. Isn't that exciting?

[Cope]

Grass Is Greener on the other Side

 

 

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, it seems like you did have a great relationship. Jealousy and over reacting about it is very bad for many people,I've been on both sides and it's horrible on both. If she was going out with her work friends on a girls night out twice a month, you were over reacting. This only leads me to believe that you were probably jealous about her about other things too, just afraid to admit? If so, you may not be aware, but it shows. It's bad to see your partner feeling uncomfortable about something and not saying anything and this happening for a long time. Sometimes this leads the other person to start acting as you wish so you won't get jealous, meaning she probably locked herself down too much, which is horrible.

 

Mine is just an assumption, whatever the reason, NC is the right way to go. It gives you time to heal and focus on yourself and IF the other wants back, they find a way back to you. It's very important to follow the "rules" Stick to this marvelous forum and you'll figure them all out. Post and post and post til you feel you don't need to rant anymore. People here are wonderful and a huge help!You can do this!

[Peter1223344]

GIGS is "grass is greener syndrome". Meaning, she probably felt a taste of the single life with her friends and "realized" everything she was missing from her life. Probably even got hit on (99% certainty) by some guys and she liked the feeling (honestly, who doesn't?). Thing is, most people. People who know what they want, what they have, know how they feel, won't bother much with it and keep going. Your ex doesn't.

 

To be honest and perfectly clear, there's a chance she just lost feelings and you're both better off without each other, but the way you put things and explained the situation to us is more than likely a case of the GIGS. And if it is, she's gonna crash badly. Not that it means she'll be back to you, but she'll regret it.

 

That's why the best thing you can do is try and move on and don't pine over her or long for her. We all deserve someone who makes us truly happy without reservations and BS. Same goes for her. If she wasn't happy in the relationship, let her be. If she was and somehow she thinks she wasn't, it's something she needs to realize for herself. There's literally nothing you can do except to live your own life and show it to yourself you can make it just fine without her.

 

Hell, there's a 100% chance you're going to meet someone better who will make you feel even better than her. Isn't that exciting?

 

Haha, ahh okay you explained that perfectly! I think I've had GIGS myself at times, but its never been strong enough to end things.

your absolutely right, I needed to hear this. The tough part is, she has probably lost feelings and genuinely thinks I cant change my attitude to her social life. I keep kicking myself for that because I had so many warning signs. We invested so much in each other, so I have to keep my door open to some extent, as I believe she has made a mistake (for herself). but you\re right longer for her isn't healthy. thanks friend!!

[Peter1223344]

Grass Is Greener on the other Side

 

 

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, it seems like you did have a great relationship. Jealousy and over reacting about it is very bad for many people,I've been on both sides and it's horrible on both. If she was going out with her work friends on a girls night out twice a month, you were over reacting. This only leads me to believe that you were probably jealous about her about other things too, just afraid to admit? If so, you may not be aware, but it shows. It's bad to see your partner feeling uncomfortable about something and not saying anything and this happening for a long time. Sometimes this leads the other person to start acting as you wish so you won't get jealous, meaning she probably locked herself down too much, which is horrible.

 

Mine is just an assumption, whatever the reason, NC is the right way to go. It gives you time to heal and focus on yourself and IF the other wants back, they find a way back to you. It's very important to follow the "rules" Stick to this marvelous forum and you'll figure them all out. Post and post and post til you feel you don't need to rant anymore. People here are wonderful and a huge help!You can do this!

 

I really do appreciate your input and honesty!

We really did have a great relationship and created some unreal memories. I can admit there was some jealousy.. Jealousy that she had more outgoing friends than me... possibly a small amount of jealousy she could connect with another guy (although I was never really worried about this, as I trusted her completely as she was genuinely head over heals in love with me).. Maybe I was over-reacting, it was only twice a month, but it was always on what little time we had together.. I resented that a little as I always rejected plans with family and friends to be with her. And I expected the same from her, but maybe I was wrong to expect? I suppose everybody is different, and as mentioned she had huge social issues from the past.. so a social life was important to her.. You're spot on about one thing.. she did feel she had to lock herself down to keep me happy.. its only taken this break up for me to truly understand my errors.. I really want to her to understand that I'm clearer than ever about the situation I put her in, I would never intentionally want someone to feel restricted from doing things because of my needs.. I understand how she felt now, but obviously I'm in 'No contact' so there's no way she could know how I feel / understand / believe me....

 

Honestly, I've never been on a forum like this, but wow you're correct, it is helpful!!

Thank you!

[No1]

Peter... you said you have been working hard on improving yourself. How have you gone out to do this? What have you done? What actions have you taken?

[Mikey383]

Thanks Mikey, I'm now one week into NO CONTACT.. Its tough, I hope she does come back, but I might have been too overbearing trying to win her back, love texts, flowers, paintings... damm! I really did piss my dignity down the drain, but I let my instincts take control cause she was worth the fight.

She 100% dumped me and told me to move on, but it wasn't a heated brake-up, we spoke calmly, she told me how she felt and I apologised.

 

Yes... For sure NO CONTACT...

She is the dumper, up to her to come back.

If she loves you, she will...

If not, then stay NO CONTACT... DO NOT send her anymore goodies...

It makes you look super needy... And super clingy...

 

I made those mistakes and my EX came back for the wrong reasons... Only to use and abuse me for 3 more months and she dumped me again...

 

So DO NOT beg...

 

Save your dignity and start healing...

 

Open yourself for someone new to come into your life... It will happen and it will be better...

 

This woman saw priority as hanging out and having fun with her friends... You were always number 2... She could only see you on weekends, but she chose to spend more time with her friends rather than you... You had every right to complain... But she did not see you as an investment...

[Peter1223344]

Peter... you said you have been working hard on improving yourself. How have you gone out to do this? What have you done? What actions have you taken?

 

I've been going to the gym much more, seeing friends family much more, going out to town, football matches, meeting new people.. I've been reading countless books and watching videos on self improvement. it all seems pretty hollow at the moment as she's always at the front of my mind no matter what... I keep wondering if she thinks about me.. pretty sad I know!!

[Peter1223344]

Yes... For sure NO CONTACT...

She is the dumper, up to her to come back.

If she loves you, she will...

If not, then stay NO CONTACT... DO NOT send her anymore goodies...

It makes you look super needy... And super clingy...

 

I made those mistakes and my EX came back for the wrong reasons... Only to use and abuse me for 3 more months and she dumped me again...

 

So DO NOT beg...

 

Save your dignity and start healing...

 

Open yourself for someone new to come into your life... It will happen and it will be better...

 

This woman saw priority as hanging out and having fun with her friends... You were always number 2... She could only see you on weekends, but she chose to spend more time with her friends rather than you... You had every right to complain... But she did not see you as an investment...

 

 

Thanks for your wisdom Mickey.

Its good to get some mixed views.. Yeah it did come across as needy, I was even somewhat aware of that at the time but it all came as a shock, and I wanted her to know my feelings for her.

I will definitely not send her anything else!!

I do intend to stay no contact, as anything else will probably make things worse!

This girl did bend over backwards for me in sooo many ways! She did everything for me! Every time I couldn't see her, it was never a problem with her! she loved me and knew a social life with friends was very important. Me on the other hand centered her around my life... big mistake?!

As mentioned before she has father issues, and was bullied as a child, so she has a deep desire to be liked by people, and if she missed a night with friends she felt she would be left behind the next time. I know this girl like the back my hand, I know why and how her social life is important to her. I know that now so more than ever. I just needed to accept that and be happy for her at the time... but she has no way of knowing that is how I feel now, because I'm sticking to no contact.. Plus even if I did tell her this, I don't know if it would be too late / make a difference / her believe me...

Damm 7 years invested in each other, I'd hate for her to not know that things can be different..

Thanks buddy!

[Mikey383]

I've been going to the gym much more, seeing friends family much more, going out to town, football matches, meeting new people.. I've been reading countless books and watching videos on self improvement. it all seems pretty hollow at the moment as she's always at the front of my mind no matter what... I keep wondering if she thinks about me.. pretty sad I know!!

 

At this moment... You need to heal mentally...

It will take a couple of months... It's part of the process...

DO NOT think about her, who she is with, what she is doing etc....

Erase her from your mind...

I am on week 6 of NO CONTACT and yes, my EX dumped me for the second time... She jumped on a dating site and already is in a new relationship... So be it, fine with me... Good luck...lol... She blocked me everywhere also...hahaha... And I know, it hurts at the very beginning, but then the pain eases up, the Dopemine wears off and you begin to see clearly... Then the day comes where you realize how bad this relationship was for you... Trust me...Right now your emotions are in hyper drive....

 

Once you start seeing things from the other perspective, you will realize how toxic that person was and what they did to be selfish...

 

Then start improving yourself and go back out there and have fun... But you have to be mentally stable again...

[Peter1223344]

I'm wondering why she chose drinking nights out with friends instead of spending time with you.

And I'm also wondering why you couldn't be included.

 

I'm not certain you were at fault.

She may have wanted out of the relationship.

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

I'm sure if I'd of asked to come she wouldn't of said no, but it was a girly work bonding thing, no one else brought partners, so id of felt I was intruding.

If I could go a little deeper, she has father issues, and was bullied as a child, so she has a deep desire to be liked by people, and if she missed a night with friends she felt she would be left behind the next time.. maybe she went out once or twice a month so maybe I was over reacting? but the final straw was she went out with work 2 weekends in a row and I let her know how I felt about it...

She really did deeply love me, I'm certain of it almost up until the weeks before we split, but she probably felt I was holding her back from creating stronger bonds with friends, which was important for her....