CBC2000 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Hey guys, so I have been talking to this guy for about 3 weeks now. He messaged me on instagram and we have talked almost everyday ever since. This guy lives in a different state, but he is only 4 hours drive away from me. Within this time span he has opened to me about who he is. I usually don’t entertain anyone who doesn’t live close to me or any person I’ve never met in person before, but he just seems so different and we are also from the same country. Anyways so just 2 days ago we were having a deep conversation via text messages and the last thing he wrote was this long paragraph about self growth and he was telling me about his past mistakes and how people are intimidated by the new him. I responded to that message just saying that I think he’s an interesting person and I’m not intimidated by him, I even told him that he is way more mature than people his age and I respect that and ever since then I never got I text back. I texted him this morning just saying good morning and never got a response. He’s even posted stuff on his social media after that. I don’t plan on texting him again b/c I don’t want to seem crazy or desperate because I’m not , but I just want to know why he would just disappear like that after being so open with me. Can anyone give me some advice? I have never had a guy just fall of the planet on me like that without an explanation. Link to comment
LadyAbbey31 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 There are a lot of possible reasons for this, the more likely ones being he was talking to other girls at the same time and he has found someone he is more interested in and dropped all the others. He may have decided to take some time for himself before moving ahead with a relationship. He may have met someone else closer to him. These are all guesses of course, we don`t know why he stopped talking to you. It doesn`t seem like you said anything wrong though, so don`t feel bad about yourself. Whatever his reasons, it would be more polite and courteous of course for him to let you know that he is no longer interested, but I wouldn`t expect it. Some people don`t have it in them to send that message. He may contact you again, he may not. But don`t message him again, he knows you`re interested so just sit tight & if he`s moved on, you do the same. Good luck Link to comment
Thainara Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Where did you meet him? Dating website? If yes, he must have found another girl who lives closer or he thinks she is more interesting... whatever, don't take these chats so seriously they do that all the time. Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Where did you meet him? Dating website? If yes, he must have found another girl who lives closer or he thinks she is more interesting... whatever, don't take these chats so seriously they do that all the time. He messaged me on Instagram and ever since then he had been calling and texting me almost every day Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 There are a lot of possible reasons for this, the more likely ones being he was talking to other girls at the same time and he has found someone he is more interested in and dropped all the others. He may have decided to take some time for himself before moving ahead with a relationship. He may have met someone else closer to him. These are all guesses of course, we don`t know why he stopped talking to you. It doesn`t seem like you said anything wrong though, so don`t feel bad about yourself. Whatever his reasons, it would be more polite and courteous of course for him to let you know that he is no longer interested, but I wouldn`t expect it. Some people don`t have it in them to send that message. He may contact you again, he may not. But don`t message him again, he knows you`re interested so just sit tight & if he`s moved on, you do the same. Good luck Thank you, I hate that he didn’t at least tell me why. I just deleted his number. I will just move on from this. Good thing I wasn’t super attached yet lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Could be a hundred reasons. How do you know it was the same person messaging you all that time? Perhaps it was his wife/girlfriend/someone entirely different? Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Could be a hundred reasons. How do you know it was the same person messaging you all that time? Perhaps it was his wife/girlfriend/someone entirely different? I’m sure it’s the same person, he knows some people that I know Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I’m sure it’s the same person, he knows some people that I know Knows, in real life? Knows in a relationship/dating context? I don't think you can be sure that he was using the device from which you received his messages especially since he didn't try to meet you in person - 4 hours is not that far away so my guess is he is not being completely up front about his past "mistakes" and it's quite possible someone else saw the messages and either posed as him or he realized he needed to stop messaging you because "she" found out. Link to comment
Cope Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Deleted message, I corrected myself,it wasn't just a day! Link to comment
Cope Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 So yeah,2+ days is weird and usually doesn't turn out good,at least not as you were hoping it would, so not a bad move to delete his number. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 It's anyone's guess why he hasn't contacted you, chatting every single day may have been a bit much too soon and he needs a breather, especially after that "deep" text he sent. But in any event, I think deleting his number because he hasn't reached out in two days is quite an over-reaction. You haven't even met yet for heaven's sake. Chill out, you sound way over-invested in someone you've been chatting with a mere three weeks. If it were me, I would leave it open, if he responds to your text this morning, fabulous. Suggest meeting and play it out. If he doesn't respond, no harm, no foul. Hopefully he is not your only option and you are meeting and dating other men. Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 He's likely been speaking to other women and found one closer to him. Could be any number of reasons why he stopped talking to you, but I'd bet that is the reason. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 He's likely been speaking to other women and found one closer to him. Could be any number of reasons why he stopped talking to you, but I'd bet that is the reason. I find it baffling when guys make a point to reach out to girl on line knowing she is long distance, sometimes very long distance, and then later pulling back and/or actually telling her the reason he doesn't wish to move forward is because of the long distance! Well then why the hell reach out in the first place? This happens so many times I have lost count. I suppose the only explanation is that they are using the distance as an excuse; the truth is they've lost interest (for whatever reason), and the distance is an easy out, without causing too much emotional damage for the person being dumped. Which, now that I think about it, may be precisely why they prefer to pursue women long distance in the first place. So they can use it as an excuse later when ready to dump after they've either met someone else who intrigues them more, or for any other reason. In OP's case, they only chatted three weeks, so shouldn't be that big of a deal to want to delete his number. Four hours is not that far, next time propose meeting in person before too much time passes by, especially when you find yourself becoming too invested. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I find it baffling when guys make a point to reach out to girl on line knowing she is long distance, sometimes very long distance, and then later pulling back and/or actually telling her the reason he doesn't wish to move forward is because of the long distance! Well then why the hell reach out in the first place? This happens so many times I have lost count. I suppose the only explanation is that they are using the distance as an excuse; the truth is they've lost interest (for whatever reason), and the distance is an easy out, without causing too much emotional damage for the person being dumped. Which, now that I think about it, may be precisely why they prefer to pursue women long distance in the first place. So they can use it as an excuse later when ready to dump after they've either met someone else who intrigues them more, or for any other reason. In OP's case, they only chatted three weeks, so shouldn't be that big of a deal to want to delete his number. Four hours is not that far, next time propose meeting in person before too much time passes by, especially when you find yourself becoming too invested. Terrific advice. I've also experienced with potential new friends as well as potential dates. It also happens with work excuses - they know what their work schedule/life is like but lo and behold work is too busy to date. Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted October 14, 2017 Author Share Posted October 14, 2017 I find it baffling when guys make a point to reach out to girl on line knowing she is long distance, sometimes very long distance, and then later pulling back and/or actually telling her the reason he doesn't wish to move forward is because of the long distance! Well then why the hell reach out in the first place? This happens so many times I have lost count. I suppose the only explanation is that they are using the distance as an excuse; the truth is they've lost interest (for whatever reason), and the distance is an easy out, without causing too much emotional damage for the person being dumped. Which, now that I think about it, may be precisely why they prefer to pursue women long distance in the first place. So they can use it as an excuse later when ready to dump after they've either met someone else who intrigues them more, or for any other reason. In OP's case, they only chatted three weeks, so shouldn't be that big of a deal to want to delete his number. Four hours is not that far, next time propose meeting in person before too much time passes by, especially when you find yourself becoming too invested. Thank you so much for this advice and sorry for the late response. The guy ended up texting me back after I texted him good morning, but the conversation was just cold to I just left him alone. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Thank you so much for this advice and sorry for the late response. The guy ended up texting me back after I texted him good morning, but the conversation was just cold to I just left him alone. I'm sorry CBC. Another possibility. He never had any intention of meeting you in person. One guy in my meet up group recently admitted he chats up girls on line for the sole purpose of practicing his "game" on them. Experimenting. He uses several tactics and gauges their responses; how different women respond. He said he learns a lot from these "interactions." He's essentially playing them, gaming them. He also loves the attention. He targets women long distance so he can delay meeting in person longer, so he can "game" them longer, and also so they can't come after him and cause drama. Not saying that is what this guy is doing, or was doing, but it's possible. Probably best to move on from this, and stop interacting with him. Link to comment
gijeanie Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I hate ghosters. It happens a lot and I have met a lot of them. Back off and see if he comes around. I'm convinced some guys are just too immature for dating. Sorry this happened to you. Link to comment
CBC2000 Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 I'm sorry CBC. Another possibility. He never had any intention of meeting you in person. One guy in my meet up group recently admitted he chats up girls on line for the sole purpose of practicing his "game" on them. Experimenting. He uses several tactics and gauges their responses; how different women respond. He said he learns a lot from these "interactions." He's essentially playing them, gaming them. He also loves the attention. He targets women long distance so he can delay meeting in person longer, so he can "game" them longer, and also so they can't come after him and cause drama. Not saying that is what this guy is doing, or was doing, but it's possible. Probably best to move on from this, and stop interacting with him. Katrina I love your advice, I have chosen to just let it go. I’m just glad that I only knew him for a month so I wasn’t really attached Link to comment
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