How can I begin to value myself?

[ForevahAlone]

I have issues. Lol. I am almost desperate for male validation and attention. Whatever I get, is never enough. I drive people away by smothering them and demanding more attention. I know I'm doing that. I know I am the problem. I can feel myself, in the midst of it, annoying the person and I know what the end result is, but I can't stop myself. I think I, essentially, create what I fear; abandonment. I want to stop doing this to myself but I can't stop. I let people use me(and they are honest about what they're doing, I just romanticize it) and end up feeling even more worthless than I did beforehand. I need help.

[Capricorn3]

I have issues. Lol. I am almost desperate for male validation and attention. Whatever I get, is never enough. I drive people away by smothering them and demanding more attention. I know I'm doing that. I know I am the problem. I can feel myself, in the midst of it, annoying the person and I know what the end result is, but I can't stop myself. I think I, essentially, create what I fear; abandonment. I want to stop doing this to myself but I can't stop. I let people use me(and they are honest about what they're doing, I just romanticize it) and end up feeling even more worthless than I did beforehand. I need help.

I agree with you - you DO need help and I think only a professional counsellor/therapist will work for you as I highly doubt strangers on the internet will be able to help in any significant way. You need a professional to work with you to help get to the bottom of where all these issues come from.

[sfindependent]

I agree, psychotherapy and counseling will help.

 

it also helps to identify what makes you think that way about yourself. In order to know where you want to go, you need to identify where you've been (so to speak). Mind your triggers, mind your actions and learn from your mistakes. when you get to bed tonight, think of the patterns of your relationships. And keep repeating them in your mind and think of how negatively they impacted you. It may help in identifying things and behaviors you may need to change.

[catfeeder]

I can't stop myself.

 

Challenge this belief. Change the word "can't" to "won't" for accuracy, and then make a better choice. If you're not working with a counselor at this time, consider changing that, too. If you're in school, start with the free mental health counseling that your tuition has already paid for.

 

As long as you keep telling yourself that you "can't" change something, you'll just keep making that true. So start there, then give yourself goals of baby steps toward that change, such as, "Today I will curb my impulse to 'get' another person to sooth me, and instead I will help someone else feel better about themselves." Reward yourself for each day you make this effort.

 

One of those steps can be to find a counselor to start working with you and set up an appointment. Reward yourself with a special thing you like to do or a small gift or a bubble bath--anything that demonstrates to yourself that you appreciate your own efforts.

 

Start considering time spent alone doing something you enjoy as a gift to yourself rather than lonely time, and you'll get into the habit of enjoying your own company more and 'needing' this time from others less.

 

Write more if it helps, but I'd switch my lens from complaining about the problem to considering more ideas for valuing yourself, enjoying yourself and growing more and more proud of your independence.

 

Head high, you CAN do this.