My first love cheated on me now I'm struggling with depression. Please, don't judge me.

[DAmari]

I want to start off from the beginning all TRUTH and NO LIES.

 

 

My ex that I am writing about right now I'm going to call him "Tyrone", I met him online in June, a week after a broke up with my ex. I was over my ex within two days even though he cheated on me. I cheated on him, too. We both knew we were cheating so I ended it with him.

 

 

Now, Tyrone and me instantly hit it off like it was cool at first and everything was going pretty good. I was still talking to other guys while talking to him just to have a "back up", just in case things didn't last or something like that.

 

 

So, by the third day we were already texting each other. He was like I can't wait to hear your voice and so the next day I called him. From then on there our relationship started. No, we weren't a couple, yet. I wasn't ready.

 

 

Well two weeks later I was. I was like okay I'll give him chance since he told me in the beginning he was loyal. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said "yes..".

 

 

*FYI: We never got to see each other in person.*

 

 

At first, we were lovey dovey, like we couldn't get enough of each other. I never felt like I was a burden on him or if I was doing too much. I loved him and I was in love with him. MADLY in love with him.

 

 

If somebody ever told me I would fall in love at the age 17 I would have never believed it. Such a young age but I guess I learned it doesn't matter what age.

 

 

So, it's July we were talking and I started to feel like he wasn't the same nor was our relationship. I felt like he was ignoring me, so we got in an argument about it, I broke it off with him.

 

 

Days later I messaged him back (mistake) because I missed him and I felt like I broke up with him over something minor. We got back together. This happened two more times. The 2nd to the last time I was for real.

 

 

We got in an argument and he ignored my text and then I texted him "I hate you." because he kept ignoring me but then wanted me to be his first priority (that's where I messed up again).

 

 

I cried. Days later I messages him back hoping t get him off my mind. He said he was crying to and he broke his closet door and that he was going to message me back first but he didn't know how.

 

 

We got back together. One of his main problems was that he was in a gang and he had too much pride to admit his wrong doings. So, I kept mentioning how I wanted a break. I finally got one. And I messaged him back a day later and told him that I was going to let my niece talk to him (he's been wanting to for the longest and their conversations are kind of funny). That happened the next two days.

 

 

 

He was like I miss you and I'm sorry, I know I messed up then he was like call me. So I called him and he was saying how it was hard for him to say sorry and that he was going to work on himself. He didn't change at all. Everything was good for like 2-3 days before it went back the same.

 

 

I knew my love wasn't the same anymore and I was on the side where I knew I was falling out of love with him. I felt like he felt the same way.

 

 

*SORRY ITS SO LONG!*

 

 

One day I gave him my Snapchat password and username he logged in. And then while we was on the phone I was like I'm on my Snapchat, something that he didn't like, while I was on the phone with him. He deleted all my snap chatters but my streaks. I cursed him out bad. I felt like he overstepped his boundaries.

 

 

He said he was going to delete all of his snap chatters too. So, he claimed that he did but while we broke up one time before he removed me as a friend--I started to have my suspicions then.

 

 

Well, he added me back and he was posting on his Snapchat. I mean who would post on their Snapchat and they don't have friends. He lied, again. Which pissed me off.

 

 

I didn't learn my lesson. I gave him my password and username to my Kik. I cursed him out so bad like I felt like something took over my body.

 

I wasn't cheating. I just felt like he shouldn't change anything without my permission. I told him in the message that I sent him, that if he didn't change my password within five minutes I was going to break up with him. He changed it back before the five minutes was up and didn't tell me what he changed it to until AFTER we broke up, FOR GOOD.

 

 

And I didn't realize he cheated on me until I went through my Kik block list. Anybody that has a Kik should know who you block and don't block on Kik. So he had three other girls that he was talking to on Kik. I messaged him after I figured that's why he didn't want me on my kik and why he changed my password.

 

 

I was so freaking pissed the only thing I could do was wish death on him and disrespect him so much that I wanted him to feel how I felt so I lied about me receiving ... from another guy which I later revealed to him as a lie. My mom didn't raise a hoe.

 

 

I messaged him back after I deleted everything from our messages to his d*** pictures. I didn't care for him no more. I didn't really believe that somebody could hurt so bad from being cheated on and now I feel my depression is coming back.

 

 

I am questioning how I look. I have nobody to talk to about this. I feel alone. I even asked for his address so I can pay him a visit in the last message I sent him, he never replied. I want him to hurt like I do maybe even worse. If somebody told me he died I would be so happy (I have NEVER felt this way about any of my exes). I still wish death on him. I just need advice for moving on and help with my depression. I tried moving on by talking to new guys but none of them can fill this void in my heart.

[WombatShadow]

Whatever you just got out of, it wasn't love. Infatuation, perhaps, but not love.

 

Constantly accusing you of cheating and demanding passwords and then tampering with your accounts is abusive behavior. In the future, DO NOT give out your passwords to anyone. Ever. Unless they have a court order or you really truly can trust them.

 

Go through all your accounts and change the passwords so he can't get into them, and then find yourself somebody with whom you can be real.

[DAmari]

Whatever you just got out of, it wasn't love. Infatuation, perhaps, but not love.

 

Constantly accusing you of cheating and demanding passwords and then tampering with your accounts is abusive behavior. In the future, DO NOT give out your passwords to anyone. Ever. Unless they have a court order or you really truly can trust them.

 

Go through all your accounts and change the passwords so he can't get into them, and then find yourself somebody with whom you can be real.

 

Thank you, a lot.

[RedDress]

So much of what you talked about is completely unhealthy, it's hard to know where to start.

 

First - you should not make excuses for someone in a gang (or was part of a gang in the last 5-10 years). That should be an automatic deal breaker. Automatic. The moment the word "gang" comes out of their mouth, you should be gone before they can blink. I know bad boys can be sexy, but if you don't want to ruin your whole life you should be gone.

 

I also agree that giving your passwords to someone is not a sign of trust, it's a sign of control. For me, this is also a hard line in the sand.

 

You mention you had nudes of him. Did he have nudes of you? Please be very careful with this. Some people (usually the people you suspect the least and trust the most) can also use this as a method of control or abuse.

 

I agree that dating someone a couple of months is not love. You are still getting to know them and you are only seeing what they want you to see at this point (and the fact that you are seeing bad stuff this early on is telling...)

 

You are better without this guy.

[Rustysuit]

That was kinda hard to read. I'm glad you're still 17 and not in your late 20s, because this kind of behavior isn't normal.

 

There's so much to say, I don't even where to start, but it seems you are attracting or feeling attracted to the wrong type of person. Also, you don't seem to have problems cheating and you can't establish any proper boundaries (giving anyone your password is your personal choice, but it kinda says a lot of the relationship if he requests it or even if he accepts it).

 

What you need to do, and I beg you to take this advice seriously, is to RELAX with dating/chasing guys and try and be VERY single for a while. You have so much potential to be wasted on crappy dudes and you really need to improve yourself and how you face relationships in general. Cheating is not okay, not trusting each other is not okay, breaking up multiple times in the span of weeks is not okay.

 

This dude is in a gang? Yeah, seems like a real catch.

 

I have to stop typing because I don't want to sound condescending, but if you keep going like this you won't have much a future, relationship-wise at least.

 

Wishing you all the best with the hopes you realize what you need to do.

[DAmari]

That was kinda hard to read. I'm glad you're still 17 and not in your late 20s, because this kind of behavior isn't normal.

 

There's so much to say, I don't even where to start, but it seems you are attracting or feeling attracted to the wrong type of person. Also, you don't seem to have problems cheating and you can't establish any proper boundaries (giving anyone your password is your personal choice, but it kinda says a lot of the relationship if he requests it or even if he accepts it).

 

What you need to do, and I beg you to take this advice seriously, is to RELAX with dating/chasing guys and try and be VERY single for a while. You have so much potential to be wasted on crappy dudes and you really need to improve yourself and how you face relationships in general. Cheating is not okay, not trusting each other is not okay, breaking up multiple times in the span of weeks is not okay.

 

This dude is in a gang? Yeah, seems like a real catch.

 

I have to stop typing because I don't want to sound condescending, but if you keep going like this you won't have much a future, relationship-wise at least.

 

Wishing you all the best with the hopes you realize what you need to do.

 

Thank you, a lot. And you're right. I'm not ready to be in a relationship anytime soon.

[DAmari]

So much of what you talked about is completely unhealthy, it's hard to know where to start.

 

First - you should not make excuses for someone in a gang (or was part of a gang in the last 5-10 years). That should be an automatic deal breaker. Automatic. The moment the word "gang" comes out of their mouth, you should be gone before they can blink. I know bad boys can be sexy, but if you don't want to ruin your whole life you should be gone.

 

I also agree that giving your passwords to someone is not a sign of trust, it's a sign of control. For me, this is also a hard line in the sand.

 

You mention you had nudes of him. Did he have nudes of you? Please be very careful with this. Some people (usually the people you suspect the least and trust the most) can also use this as a method of control or abuse.

 

I agree that dating someone a couple of months is not love. You are still getting to know them and you are only seeing what they want you to see at this point (and the fact that you are seeing bad stuff this early on is telling...)

 

You are better without this guy.

 

I won't ever date a guy in a gang after this. I learned a lot of lessons. Nor will I give out my passwords. Thank you for the advice.