Need advice, please be nice

[Jadesmith4]

Hi everyone, so i thought that i would try this out as everywhere else Ive gotten nothing but mean words about it. So i have been with my boyfriend for a year and two months. When we were dating for about 5, our relationship hit a rough patch. He broke up with me, but we still saw eachother casually with him making it really clear he didn't want to date me yet or even think about it. I asked if we could try having a break from spending so much time together and he said yes. He slept with his ex girlfriend, and claims it was a one night stand when we ended up getting back together. The ex tells me that when she asked him about us, he mentioned we were on a break. I never told her that or anyone, so it must be true. I'm wondering, if this sounds like he knew we would be getting back together, and slept with her anyway? Thanks

[figureitout23]

Too much of the story is missing. Im assuming you're leaving stuff out, out of fear of people being mean, as you said they were on other boards, but you're not going to get decent advice without telling the whole story. Plus, please keep in mind, if you already have responses you want/expect to hear in your head, you may be disappointed. You're in the relationship, sometimes it takes an outsiders point of view to put things in perspective. Thats not them being mean, its how they see it.

 

To me, basing my opinion solely on what little you wrote, it seems like you're focusing way too much on the logistics of him sleeping with his ex. At the end of the day, none of that matters, you're either going to forgive him and move forward or not. It also sounds like you two weren't together and if thats the case he can do what he pleases.

[RedDress]

I don't think you should analyze his words so much. Especially when they weren't said to you and you are getting the info 2nd hand.

 

IF those were the words he used to her (she may simply be saying that because obviously you were not together and now you are back together - she could be paraphrasing) - but IF those were the words - I would think they would be more targeted at her than at you. By that I mean, by saying you are "on a break", he's essentially saying he's not open to a full-on relationship with her and that the sex they are about to have means nothing.

 

I doubt he knew for sure you'd get back together. You had the power to say "no".

[shessofly]

It's anyone's guess but I think he wanted to make sure she didn't think anything was going to come of their time together. What did he say his reason was?

 

How is your relationship since getting back together?

[Hollyj]

So much drama in such a short period. Your relationship has never been healthy. Why not be done with this!

[Starlight925]

I agree that too much of the story is missing.

 

Either way, it's all about how you feel about seeing others/having sex while technically on a "break". You say that at month 5, he broke up with you, and that he said that yes, you were on a break. Some people feel that a break is a time for reflection, talking with friends, etc. Others feel that while on a break, one can date and yes, have sex. It's the infamous "Friends" Ross & Rachel storyline.