Meeting fiance's family

[duchesstigerlily]

Hi All,

 

My fiance's dad, step-mom (his mom is deceased) and grandparents (dad's parents) are coming over to our apartment tonight and this is the first time I will be meeting any of them. They live very far away and have just spent the last 4 months in Florida and are on their way home so are detouring here to meet me. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I'm generally quite shy (although did really well when I met his friends...no problems but this is a bit different) and I feel so nervous that I just had to post asking for advice (I'm at work). Actually, I dread going home tonight because of this.

 

Tomorrow night we're all getting together and his family is going to meet mine at a restuarant and that, although less intimidating because I'll have my parents and grandmother there, I'm still scared to death. I'm worried I'm going to make a bad first impression because of my shyness.

 

I know NOTHING about these people because my fiance doesnt really *say* much about them and I almost feel like I'm being nosy by asking for specifics (we've been together for a year and a 1/2). I have no clue what to say...I'm not looking forward to this at all...mostly just looking forward to getting it over with.

 

What did you do when you met your parent's family? Some advice would be really appreciated. Thanks.

[Beec]

Well, you just try to be nice and respectful. Look them in the eye when the talk. Let them talk and don't interrupt them. Answers their questions, but don't elaborate too much.

[RayKay]

Don't worry too much about being shy - just be as Beec said pleasant and respectful and be yourself too

 

I think worrying about it will just build it up worse then it will be - it is okay to be nervous when you are meeting your partners parents for the first time as you WANT them to like you, but often it goes much smoother then we build it up in our minds

 

Have fun tonight!

[duchesstigerlily]

Thanks everyone. I just need to relax and breath!! I always build things up to be really bad and then am surprised when everything goes well and I have fun...so thats just my personality. I'll definitely try to loosen up before tonight!

[HajiMaji]

Its ok to be nervous!! Just try your best. Im sure your fiance will do his best to help you through the situation. By the end of dinner im sure you guys will open up a little to each other (its always a bit stand offish at first). Hey good luck and let us know how it goes!

[DN]

If they can see that you really love your fiancé that can only be a major plus. And if you can somehow compliment them on what a great job they did raising their son you will score extra points. Also, make them aware, especially his Mom, that you respect their relationship with him and that they aren't going to lose a son but are going to gain a friend.

[SimoneTiger]

I find it extremely strange that you got engaged to someone whose family you've never met... After all, they will be a big part of your life after you get married, whether you want it or not.

 

I guess we have different standards--I hope they are good people and that you can accept them as family... Good luck!

[DN]

I find it extremely strange that you got engaged to someone whose family you've never met... After all, they will be a big part of your life after you get married, whether you want it or not.

 

I guess we have different standards--I hope they are good people and that you can accept them as family... Good luck!

 

Apart from an evening spent with her sister while she was visiting London, I never met my wife's family until a few days before our wedding. We met in England where I lived and she was Canadian. Everything turned out ok.

[duchesstigerlily]

Everything went really well this weekend. His family and my family got along REALLY well (really!) and they told my fiance, when I wasnt around, that they really liked me and thought I was a "lovely" girl and that he made a good choice. I'm very happy with how everything turned out and felt a little silly for feeling THAT nervous.

 

In response to a few things, my fiance's mother passed away from cancer so I met his dad, step mom (who he does not consider a mother remotely) and his grandparents. I think I was more intimidated meeting his dad then anything but it was great.

 

Also, it isnt strange at all that I hadnt met my fiance's family before we got engaged. I love HIM and would marry him regardless of his family. Besides that, its hard to meet people that are in another country most of the time and when they are home, are two provinces away! My fiance is very involved in my family only because they only live 20 minutes away. Also, my mother married my father and she didnt meet his family until a few weeks before they wedding (my dad is originally from england)...so meeting the family should not be the factor that makes or break whether or not you marry the person.

 

Thanks for all the responses. Hopefully this thread will help another person who is nervous about meeting the parents!

[RayKay]

Yeah! I told you it would all be fine and you would do just gloriously!

 

And while family is not the only bearing on getting married to someone, trust me when I say that when you don't get along with the family it makes things just so much more difficult, so it is wonderful that they did like you, you liked them and so on!

 

 

[Beec]

Glad it worked out well.

 

All we want to know with our loved ones is that they have picked a decent person and can be happy. Anything else is a bonus.

 

And I really don't think what the family thinks matters. If she is right for me, who cares what my familt thinks. It won't affect my decision. On the other hand, everyone getting along does make it easier.