Am I reading into her behavior too much or should I be concerned?

[DanAbnormal]

I've been dating my colleague for two months. She only left a long term relationship in April, so we both said that we would take things slowly and not rush into anything serious. It was mostly a physical relationship at first but it's become more than that and we both like each other a lot. In her words she likes me a lot more than she expected to and she 'can't find anything wrong with me'. We've spent a lot of time together lately and even though it's early I was feeling very positive about the potential of this relationship. However, over the last week her behavior has changed somewhat and for the past few days she's been more distant with me. Recently she suggested the idea of going on a short vacation somewhere together, but last week she changed her mind suddenly and now isn't sure about it. She's not messaging me as much as she was and her messages seem shorter and more blunt. We usually meet twice a week but this week she doesnt have time to see me. She does want to see me at the weekend though. She's been very busy with her job this week which I understand and appreciate but I can't help but feel she's now feeling unsure of where this relationship is heading.

 

We work in the creative sector and her job ends early next year. She mentioned she would be looking for jobs soon and would apply to jobs anywhere, not just in our area. She also mentioned she's still having some issues from her ex. A couple of weeks ago she told me she was 'crazy about me' then stopped herself from saying more in case 'it freaked me out'. I'm wondering if she's taken a step back and realised this is too much for her right now and maybe she's freaking out over having feelings for me. She has said before that she likes me 'too much' and that scared her. but I don't know if I should be prepared for that or if i'm reading into things too much. I left a long term relationship a year ago which was very painful and I don't know if that experience is altering the way I'm seeing things in this current relationship. I feel that maybe I'm expecting things to go badly because my last relationship ended in such an awful painful way.

 

Any advice on how to deal with this would be very much appreciated.

[seanryder]

She had just about two months to get over her longterm relationship before you both met according to my calculations. That isn't enough time to get over someone no matter how good or bad the relationship was.

 

Her emotions will be erratic as anyone's would be after such an event. She tells you she is crazy about you, and I'm sure that's true in that INSTANT, it doesn't mean it will be that way tomorrow or next week.

 

Try and reciprocate her interest level....if she backs off (i.e. she needs space).....you back off (i.e. give her space) and so forth. One communication of any kind (phone call, text, email) and WAIT for a response.....not incessant one-sided communication.

 

If you assume the worst...the worst will happen. Try not to project too far ahead.

[DanAbnormal]

 

Try and reciprocate her interest level....if she backs off (i.e. she needs space).....you back off (i.e. give her space) and so forth. One communication of any kind (phone call, text, email) and WAIT for a response.....not incessant one-sided communication.

 

Yeah I did get the impression that she probably wouldn't have messaged me today if I hadn't sent her a message first. Even last week we would message each other a lot at work throughout the day back and forth, but the last few days she's been pretty silent.

[ThatwasThen]

She also mentioned she's still having some issues from her ex.

What kind of issues?

 

In the meantime, She is busy at work and has said she would like to see you on the weekend, try not to bug her unless you haven't made weekend plans yet in which case, go ahead and call her and make them when you know she's not working.

 

There is nothing in her actions, so far, to indicate she's backing off except for maybe those "issues" she's having with her ex.

[DanAbnormal]

What kind of issues?

 

He messages her everyday and she said he's refusing to accept that she's not going back to him. Sounds like his family have gotten involved too accusing her of cheating on him

[ThatwasThen]

He messages her everyday and she said he's refusing to accept that she's not going back to him. Sounds like his family have gotten involved too accusing her of cheating on him

Why did she leave him?

 

I'm just asking all of these questions to try and figure out if she's considering reconciling with him.

 

Also, if she's feeling stressed, guilty, harassed by him and his family then she's very likely not feeling romantic or wanting to chat about nothing. Remember, she still wants to see you on the weekend though. Think positive.

[DanAbnormal]

Why did she leave him?

 

She hasn't told me what he did, but from what she has mentioned he did something big that lost her trust but it wasn't cheating. I think she also felt the relationship had run its course and was constraining her. She only stayed in the area because she was with him.

[SoulTaker]

We work in the creative sector and her job ends early next year. She mentioned she would be looking for jobs soon and would apply to jobs anywhere, not just in our area. She also mentioned she's still having some issues from her ex.

 

Pay attention to what she's telling you. Saying that she will pursue jobs anywhere, means that you're not a priority. And, unless there are children involved, there is no reason (if she's really into you) for her to be in contact with the "ex" (unless he is harassing her).