Schockobaerin Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Im having a very difficult time here and just found your forum, here is my history: I did not trust men before and did not have a romantic/sexual relationship, my first platonic love died 14 years ago (when I was 21) and it hurt me so deeply that I just closed my heart like a walnut. I live in another Country far away from my Family and a couple of years ago suffered from Depression, I overcame it, and finished my studies. Of Course I did not want to be alone, but it was very difficult for me to find somebody who just like me (Im pretty, but I can be very intimidating and sometimes eager), well my mum inscribed me in „tinder“ and at the beginning I wasnt that entusiastic, then later I began to date (I dont like to date) but the prospect of Meeting new People was alluring. Then there was this guy, who began to write to me, he was very eager to meet me and I preferred just to talk, I talked about my insecurities, my fear of relationship and we communicated on and off for six months, he always wanted to meet me, I stood him up like 3 times and once I stopped talking to him for three weeks, Im latina and now live in Sweden, and I have the Impression, guys here are dissapointed when they meet me, because at the beginning Im like a Little bit cold (not what they expect from a latina). Well we finally met last year in may, and he played his Cards very well with me, he conquered me not being typical north european but latino and I was difficult at the beginning, like a scared puppy, but felt very good in his arms. In the second date I was a goner, we live in different cities, and we met in another one, then we kissed for the first time, and I just fell for him, hard. For me was a very big Change to have someone that was calling me, treating me lovingly, giving me that contact.. After some Problems I overcame with my intimacy issues and just enjoyed the ride, everything went pretty fast, but because of my lack of experience, I did not see this as a Problem, but as a Blessing. 3 months later and he began to get Little bit colder, and I discovered a tissue that he used to confort himself, then I discovered that he was still longing for his exgf. Then he told me that our relationship was getting „too serious, too fast“ and I was like, chill out, it is ok, as Long as we are exclusive is ok. Days later we had a dissagremeent because I wanted to meet him over the Weekend and he wanted to go to a friend, and we had a fight, when I tried to call him to patch Things up, he ignored me and ghosted me for a week, then tried to break up with me, we talked and he was like „i love you but Im not prepared to fall in love“ and I was ok i love you too, and if 2 people love each other, why they cannot be together? We reconciliated, and had very lovings Moments, but I began to see that he didnt want to introduce me a Group of friends, or to tag us on fb, and I began to see the ghost of his gf, and he began to become depressed, I tolerated everything, but I cried a lot, because I could feel that he was neglecting me. Christmas came and he brough me to his parents, but then I asked him to be with me in new years eve, that I didnt care where he wanted to be, but that for me it was very important to spend it with him.. Three days later he broke up with me, because he felt that he had come to the Limit of his love for me, I was left devastated and cried for a Long time. The exgf and him were having contact. I knew they separated because she wanted to go to her Country and he wanted to stay here, so she left him. One week later I just couldnt anymore and sent him a message and he called me the next morning, telling me that he missed me very much, but that he needed time. For me it was a very hard time, and I just wanted to go away. He began this hot and cold Treatment, but I could feel he was really depressed.. Well I went to Colombia for 4 months for a Long Holiday. In These 5 months we were separated, I tried to comunicate with him and sometimes he called me, but I had hope that when I would come back everything would solve itself. I came back, looked for him, and told him I was ready to let him go if he wasnt ready, he wanted more time, and I was it is now or never, and we reconciliated. I changed a lot for the positive, respected his space, made no Drama, but after 2 months he began to withdraw again, and I was almost always initiating contact, I was fine with it, I knew he needed time. Then suddenly two weeks ago, he broke up with me again, telling me that he just cannot fall in love with me, that we live apart, and he doesnt see a future together. I was left devastated, he insisted that he loved me very much but not in the same intensity i do him, and that he wanted to be alone to sort his Things, that he is VERY AFRAID of commitment, then I asked him if the relationship wasnt working up, and he told me, yes it is working up. I asked him that if he loved me more or less, he told me more and not as a friend. Well he broke up my heart again, and here am I devastated again. We chatted last thrusday and I told him that I respect his decision and that for me it is very hard to let him go, but that I understand he has to sort Things out, that he knows where to find me. I dont know if is my wishfull thinking, but I feel that he loves me, and that part of his Problem is that he pressures himself to fall in love with me and that is the reason he just cant, anyway it isnt a Long time that we are together anyway. My conclusion: I made the big mistake of becoming a loving doormat and overwhelmed him, he takes me for granted and does not love me enough to be with me. I know the best is to let go, but I just cant or dont want to do it. My mistake was to always be there and loving him very much. Why is it so difficult to let go, I have been in NC since Thursday, but miss him very much, and deep inside myself there is still hope, but I want to kill it, dont know how. Any tips you can give me on how can I recover faster? Do I have any Chance with him ? Anyway I know I have to let him go anyway. My greatest fear is that Im not going to trust anyone else to love them, and that scares me very much. What do you think? It is important to say our connection was very strong, we are very compatible and complement each other very nice, when i have issues I tried to solve them fair and square, without any drama, I tried not to be needy or clingy... I just dont understand, but suppose love is unfair, maybe after he is alone and sort out his feelings of the past relationship... I just want everything to be ok, he is a really nice guy, but with a low self steem, I just want to be with him, but I agree that if he doesnt love enough im losing my time... Any tips would be helpful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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