Went on my first date since my breakup. Think she likes me?

[MeMyselfAndI87]

So had a nasty breakup back in May-June. Been feeling great lately. Super happy on my own and without her. Life has come full circle and I'm healed. It was almost a 5 year relationship. She cheated. So yeah to hell with her. WRITTEN OFF.

 

Anyways. I met an awesome Woman. Went on our first date today. This is going to be silly to ask, but I'm rusty at this. I hadn't been single in 5 years lol and never dated like this. Where you meet and go on a date. Usually any relationship I'd have ever gotten in was with a girl whom I've known awhile and who was my friend before. But this is really the first date I've had with a girl I had just recently met a couple weeks ago.

 

My question is. Lol you think she likes me? Here's some info...

 

We went out today and had a great time. I feel we had great chemistry. We clicked it seemed. Although I was quite shy. Never usually happens of course because of like I've said, I usually know them awhile. From the shyness, I couldn't unleash my bread and butter... My sense of humor. Lol not quite like I wanted to. But I suppose that is natural when shy and nervous.

 

I had taken her to a Butterfly Sanctuary today and after we had Ramen at an awesome Ramen place, we both love authentic Ramen. Then went to the mall and the Bookstore and looked at books together which we both love as our favorite pastime.

 

The whole date was 7 hours. We sat and talked for like 3 hours of it lol. And we opened up alot. About family history and the good and bad experiences we've had that normally we wouldn't tell anyone.

 

Taking it slow though. Because she is actually my age, 2 years older to be exact. I'm 30, she's 32. My ex is 23. Young girls move faster it seems so I'm getting use to the slower pace, which is actually refreshing. But at the same time has me wondering. We texted a few times tonight a few hours after we got home, talked a bit about our books we bought.

 

Lol surely this is all a sign of something good right? And should I hold off on texting or calling or any communication and wait for her to open communication next?

 

The romantic world these days seems to have so much criteria. And it changes pretty darn often.

 

Any tips or advice?

[DanZee]

No, don't hold off on texting her. Communication, or lack of it, is the source of a lot of breakups. The Mars/Venus differences can guide you. Guys make the mistake of waiting too long to call a girl back because they don't want to seem too eager. The woman typically is getting angry that the guy hasn't called them yet. I made a mistake of waiting 5 days to call a girl for a second date and she just about hung up on me. (It was like a 2 minute conversation.)

 

So you need to think of what you're going to do for a second date and call her to ask her out again. That will show you're interested. She may be 32 (don't make age a difference, she'll still outlive you) but even older women can act like little girls when going out on a date.

 

And for the future, you can make up the lack of being friends beforehand by just going out on as many dates as you can afford. That's how you'll get to know a girl.

[Viewcart]

What do you mean by taking it slow?...you've only been on 1 date.

 

Yes, it's a jungle out there and you have to be thick skinned. Usually the first 3 dates or so is fantastic due to the initial high of meeting a new person. Don't overthink and simply enjoy the moment because chances are the first person you date will not work out. Anyways, I've dated more men than I can count so I can give you some female perspective.

 

Don't play hard to get because quality women don't chase men or put up with games. Always thank her soon after the date for a great time if you like her. Be assertive and ask what her schedule is so that you can plan something for the next date. You should decide the exact date, place, and time. Women are incredibly annoyed by an indecisive man.

Ideally, plan the next date in person after the end of the date so that if she does like you, it gives her a sense of security. It's ok if you call her soon after if you're unable to plan the next date in person. Key word "soon", if you wait more than a week to schedule the next date then she will be bored or think you're not interested and move on to the next. So show your dominance or another man will.

 

Also, don't text too much unless to schedule a date. If you want to chit chat, meet up in person.

 

If she doesn't respond clearly, ignore, or dodges the question for a next date, then leave her be and move on to another more receptive female.

[pippy longstocking]

I couldn't unleash my bread and butter...

 

^^^^ I love that ..nicking ....

 

 

It sounds fabulous , all good and going in the right direction ..now NO games ..no holding back on communication ok ....there is no need for it , cos the next thing you know , your next thread will be * does she really like me * ...... people walk themselves into this crap by trying to play games so as not to look needy or desperate , when in reality , unless a person has a problem with boundaries there is absolutely no need to play this cat and mouse game .....just be you , cos so far ..* you* sounds fabulous .

[MeMyselfAndI87]

Some of that is a bit circumstantial and preference. Like we cannot simply meet up just to plan a date as we live 47 miles apart. So phone calls and texting seems to be the mutually preferred method to plan a meetup/date.

 

But yes I did ask her schedule. Mentioned plans for a second date. She's currently has some overtime at work until September then she has some fixed days off.

 

I believe the chances of it working out are the same as it not. Don't really see the criteria in that "first one likely doesn't work" saying.

 

We met online. Talked nonstop for two weeks. Then planned our date/first meetup.

I really like her and do like talking to her. I just don't want to seem too eager or clingy. But you are both right. Keep the communication rolling. We've talked about our day to eachother everyday. So I know she's working nonstop lately at a new career she moved here for a few months back.

 

But at least I got most of it right lol with the planning and such. And being assertive.

[MeMyselfAndI87]

Lol thanks pippy_longstocking!

 

Ok understood. Keep the same flow as we've had! Go with it.

[MeMyselfAndI87]

DanZee

 

Understood as well. You're right. I suppose a true woman would simply ignore me if I continued texting or calling at the same pace as we had if they weren't interested after the first date.

 

I'm overthinking it lol

[HeartGoesOn]

I understand this was not your question, but after reading your previous thread the bigger issue seems to be, are you ready and in the right frame of mind to be dating?

[MeMyselfAndI87]

I am. Trust me on that. Also the reason behind when I said "taking it slow". Because this girl popped up and I like her and feel we are compatible, so I wouldn't want her to be some rebound. Building a solid Friendship at first is my goal here. Personally I find my closure and such and can assess from there. A lot of reflecting and talking to friends who've known me since childhood. I know that my ex and I were not good for eachother. I was always irritable with her. She treated me poorly at times and for that I was in a poor mood a lot. I've been happier than ever these last two weeks. Like a light bulb came on. Some people are different. Some people take a long time to get over things. It did take me about 4 months lol but that's because I didn't receive the whole truth and didn't open my eyes. And I couldn't shake her from my life right away due to having joint bills. Finally got that off my plate. Meeting a maturer woman with no kids, has her together and is uberly intelligent definitely made me realize there's plenty out there for me that I'll be fine and have a greater love with another one day.

 

Thanks for looking out.

[SoulTaker]

The whole date was 7 hours. We sat and talked for like 3 hours of it lol. And we opened up alot. About family history and the good and bad experiences we've had that normally we wouldn't tell anyone.

 

Was there anything mentioned about the "ex"? A big mistake that people often make is to talk too much about the "ex". Best to only state that you broke up earlier in the year, and there's no chance of reconciliation. Hope you didn't go any further than that. No need to provide details of the breakup.

 

Don't try to project too far into the future. Take it one date at a time. When one date is over, then plan the next one. If she backs out, then ask her to get back to you when she's available (date/time). Don't spend too much time on talking/texting. Save the conversation for the dates.

[MeMyselfAndI87]

Not really. We mentioned our exes before we had our first date because we were both on the same boat at different points in our lives. But there wasn't really any mention about them on the date at all. We both might have said we did something once "back when we were with our exes" but never talked about THEM in general. That's a convo that I wouldn't get into unless I was comfortable and exclusive with someone.

 

As far as she knows, My ex cheated, and there's no chance in hell for a future.

 

She's been single about 2 years now. She knows I've been single since May. But that was really all. We reflected on how we can't stand cheaters. Other than that it was 99% about each other and our families and such.

 

You're right! We do talk about our days and small things like the books or tv shows we're currently watching. So we text alot throughout the day but more of talk about the present, and it's double sided on the texting. She seems to be quite the texter herself lol Saving the sharing of history for in person talk. Like deeper conversations. But we never run out of stuff to talk about. We are both major nerds.

[Sportster2005]

The pace someone moves at, has more to do with personal preference than age.

 

Yes she likes you. The bigger question is, is she attracted to you. Only time can answer that question. If you like her, ask her out again. Much will be revealed.

[MeMyselfAndI87]

That also depends. My ex is 23. This woman is 32. You're more than likely going to find someone who knows what they want in life and have been humbled already than you would a 23 year old. I've learned that through trial and error. And pacing has a direct correlation with that sometimes. My ex moved faaaast with me. I wanted to court her for awhile when I met her 5 years ago. Wanted to try things different. She wanted to have sex the first date and we were exclusive 2 weeks later. Sure we lasted 5 years. But I don't wish to do that again. I just want to build a solid foundation with someone before anything intimate happens. Not saying there is some criteria I'm following but I'm certainly not looking to jump the gun within the first few months like I did at 25. And she (the one I'm talking to now) seems just as mature about it. Which is quite refreshing. So age tends to be directly related to patience. Not saying ALL women in their 30s are like that. Some women still act like little girls well into their 40s. But there's a reason every single friend and peer of mine has said "find someone your age"

 

She's busy with work and she'll let me know when she has her set days off. I made it known that I'd like a second date, she seemed optimistic about it. Not going to push it. Her line of work can be time consuming. I'm totally cool with that.

[MeMyselfAndI87]

You're all ALOT of help though. I'm sure some of you have been in very long relationships and know how rusty at dating you can be when getting out of it. So I love hearing everyone's 2cents. And I'm new to online dating lol never done it before this. It's a new avenue for me.