Distant Boyfriend... i think my relationship is in trouble plz help!

[justanotherone]

hi guys.

I've been with my boyfriend almost a year and its gotten to the point where he's gotten comfortable and has not really been putting much effort into our relationship. We are both very busy people in college and both work so its very hard to see each other. ontop of this i have very strict parents who dont approve of dating so he is secret from them. Weve hardly seen each other since the spring semester ended bc we are both busy and have conflicting schedules but I find sometimes we do have similar free time but he instead wants to hang out with his friends...

 

Earlier this week i confronted him about this (i've done this 2-3 times before) saying he doesnt even try to see me anymore but he says im irrational and its because of my parents we cant see each other. Im the middle of this argument which was on text, he stopped replying and didnt talk to me for 2 days untill I texted him saying "hello?" then we've kind of been pretending it never happend.

 

Now he's been cold and distant. He still replies to my texts but it usually very short with me and I'm the one putting the effort in conversations asking him how he is etc. and he usually just says "good how bout you" not being affectionate

 

Is he thinking of breaking up with me? and Is there anything I can do? I regret blowing up its not a big deal bc we will see each other when school starts and i want to continue the relationship. hes never been cold to me for this long before. PLZ HELP

[DanZee]

Well, dating you would certainly be tough if you're not allowed to date. Your parents are certainly unreasonable, especially if you're 18 or older. At what age will you be allowed to date? Never? Your boyfriend might have given up on you. Also, guys hate hearing the "you're not spending enough time with me" speech.

 

I don't know. It may be over. But then again, he doesn't have much opportunity to see you. You'll know know in a few weeks when school is in.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, I think it sounds like he is backing out of the relationship. Can you two meet in person to talk?

 

Being kept a secret is hard, so even though he likely still cares about you, he is probably losing motivation to keep this going when your relationship is so limited in terms of being able to spend time together. Not many people will have the patience for it, I'm afraid.

 

What is your parents' opposition to dating?

[justanotherone]

Idont think he even wants to meet. and the opposition is due to them being very conservative. even tho i am 20 yrs old.

I just don't know what to do or if theres anything i can do at this point. Should I be positive and have a happy attitude and talk to him all happily? Or should I back off and let him have space? Should I ask him how he feels about me now? I dont want to push and make things worse but i cannot read him at all.

 

this is my first relationship and i have no idea how to handle this but im not ready to let him go

 

other than not seeing each other our relationship was going really well.

[MissCanuck]

Idont think he even wants to meet. and the opposition is due to them being very conservative. even tho i am 20 yrs old.

I just don't know what to do or if theres anything i can do at this point. Should I be positive and have a happy attitude and talk to him all happily? Or should I back off and let him have space? Should I ask him how he feels about me now? I dont want to push and make things worse but i cannot read him at all.

 

this is my first relationship and i have no idea how to handle this but im not ready to let him go

 

other than not seeing each other our relationship was going really well.

 

OP, that is a very bizarre statement - how can you have a really good relationship if you don't see each other much? Spending time together is what bonds a couple and keeps the fire going. Without that, well, a relationship won't survive long.

 

I would just be honest with him and tell him you understand something is wrong and would like to talk. Ask him to meet anyway. If he won't, then just come out and ask him how he feels things are going between you two, because you sense there is distance. Listen to what he has to say.

 

If he refuses to even really talk about it, then you relationship is basically over anyway.

[littlewasabi]

Stop making yourself available to him. Disappear for a bit and let him chase you. Stop confronting him, you'll push him away more. Im speaking from the breakup future.

[mariasanta]

how do you met a guy chase you if you dont even see each other

[No1]

I hate the word "Confront". When you do this, you put the other person on the defensive, you wont get the truth and if you do, you are the one that will get hurt.

He is annoyed. It could be the situation or with you or both. He might be pulling away or he might need time. But what I would do is give him the space and time he is fighting for. I dont know if it means he is going to break up with you but I wouldnt be suprised if he is thinking of it.

 

Youll have to deal with your parents and why do you have to hide boyfriends.