I feel completely different, suddenly. Good thing?

[jitterbug]

Ok so anyone who has read any of my posts knows I've been in a horrible, horrible place, I've been a mess. Unbearably depressed after my love dumped me. It's been almost 3 months since it happened, 1 month of no contact. And a few days ago, I felt like I just suddenly stopped caring. I was desperate to have him back, and now it's like he's this distant memory in my past. I'm very confused. I mean...I guess it's a good thing? I still feel he is the love of my life, and our relationship was the best I may ever have, but even though I knowthose things, it's like I've stopped feeling them.

 

I downloaded a dating app as a distraction, and it's really helped. I've connected well with one guy, so I might go on a date. But just having someone to chat to, having the ego boost and feeling like I can be attracted to someone again is helping. I don't want a relationship, but some dating and fun would be good. I feel so single now....I was in such a committed, long-term mindset before, and now I can't imagine feeling that way again. This is all really confusing.

 

Has anybody felt this way? I don't know what to make of it. My theory is that I have grieved SO much and so hard that I just have nothing left in me. I don't know what I'm feeling. Maybe after the novelty of dating wears off things will hit me again?... Strangest turn around. I'm so glad to feel relief from the blackness of heartbreak. It was hell.

[reinventmyself]

Yes. . but just be careful. It's typically one step forward, two steps back. You feel good and when you least expect it, it comes back to bite you in the butt.

The trick is to not let it set you back. Just know it's part of the process.

 

But I must ask. Was this shift before or after you signed up on a dating website?

[jitterbug]

A little bit before. I started trying to let go..and I was having bigger periods of time in between the waves of grief. At first on the app, I hated it, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Even if this is temporary, I desperately needed a break from the pain. I feel a lot more like myself right now. I've been smiling, joking, just generally being me. I've also been very ill and I'm finally able to eat and exercise, which is crucial to my recovery.

 

But yes, a lot of it came after using this dating app. So that's why I'm worried this isn't a genuine feeling...

[reinventmyself]

A little bit before. I started trying to let go..and I was having bigger periods of time in between the waves of grief. At first on the app, I hated it, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Even if this is temporary, I desperately needed a break from the pain. I feel a lot more like myself right now. I've been smiling, joking, just generally being me. I've also been very ill and I'm finally able to eat and exercise, which is crucial to my recovery.

 

But yes, a lot of it came after using this dating app. So that's why I'm worried this isn't a genuine feeling...

 

Just be aware that if you are hungry for attention. . and lets face it, it feels good when we've been left behind, but we typically don't make the best choices coming from a place of need. Try dialing back on the website and chatting and see if you still are moving forward and if you do continue to date just promise yourself you'll be discerning and not get serious with anyone for some time.

 

The pain is too much. It's like he wants to erase me from his life

[jitterbug]

I know! That's why I'm so confused. It's literally like a switch just got flipped in my head one day. I definitely don't want a relationship, the guy I may potentially go out with knows this too, and he's in a similar boat. It's more just...wanting some company, some flirtation, a distraction. I kind of want to prove to myself that I can be attracted to someone new, because I spent a long time feeling like I never could.

 

Honestly. I'm not even sure if I want attention...or like an ego boost. I don't think it's that. It's just that it feels so good to not be thinking of ex every second of the day. I've never been in this position. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it all and it's difficult to know what's healthy, what's right...

[idontknowww]

I can understand what you're going through. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting some attention from a new guy and getting an ego boost. Who doesn't feel good getting attention after feeling sh**ty for months! You deserve some positive attention! First from yourself, then from others. As long as you don't get emotionally reliant on another person, you're okay. However, being alone for some time is really going to help you heal. Being attracted to someone new is also okay, just don't get into a relationship until your past issues are resolved.

 

Now, about the "switch" you're talking about. In my personal experience, that switch doesn't truly just turn off. Today you might feel like you're so over it all of a sudden, but in an empty low moment, it's going to come back to you, and that's okay. That's how it goes. Healing process is a mix of good days and bad days and lots of up and down emotions. Yes you will be frustrated and confused, but the key is to be patient with yourself and just go with the flow. Feel what you feel. Cry when you're sad and be the happiest when you're happy. You will come out much much stronger!!! Also good luck with the new guy!

[jitterbug]

Thanks everyone. It's a very confusing time... I had a coffee date. It was nice, we clicked and had a laugh. He is in the same position of not wanting a relationship due to being recently single, so we feel we are on the same page and can just hang out and have some fun. I thought it'd make me feel weird, but it was just nice. I'm glad, because I feel like I'm getting my life back and starting to live a little. I'm not thinking of my ex very much, and even seeing photos of him and such doesn't seem to be affecting me. I just find it all bizarre. Such a turn around, so suddenly...

[loip9114]

Thanks everyone. It's a very confusing time... I had a coffee date. It was nice, we clicked and had a laugh. He is in the same position of not wanting a relationship due to being recently single, so we feel we are on the same page and can just hang out and have some fun. I thought it'd make me feel weird, but it was just nice. I'm glad, because I feel like I'm getting my life back and starting to live a little. I'm not thinking of my ex very much, and even seeing photos of him and such doesn't seem to be affecting me. I just find it all bizarre. Such a turn around, so suddenly...

 

Could be, it is quite a big turn around. But it could also just mean that your emotions ran their course and now they have calmed down. I do want to say keep vigilant a bit, it might be one of those highs which make the drop very difficult (Not to scare you in anyway).

Just to be certain, you have looked deep inside and did not find any possibly repressed feelings/emotions?

I do not want to screw you up or anything, just checking if everything is alright. Because it would be awesome if it all just fell into place like that.

[Disenchanted]

Now, about the "switch" you're talking about. In my personal experience, that switch doesn't truly just turn off. Today you might feel like you're so over it all of a sudden, but in an empty low moment, it's going to come back to you, and that's okay. That's how it goes. Healing process is a mix of good days and bad days and lots of up and down emotions. Yes you will be frustrated and confused, but the key is to be patient with yourself and just go with the flow. Feel what you feel. Cry when you're sad and be the happiest when you're happy. You will come out much much stronger!!! Also good luck with the new guy!

 

You described my life right now lol