Not sure what to do

[Mar mar]

I am going on no contact for three weeks now and it is still really hard for me. I have talked to my best friends who so happen to be near where my ex lives. They are stationed there but leaving in a few months. I told them my while situation with him, but my question is my ex seemed to have cut everyone out of his life. He doesn't talk to the friends we do have and has only talked to coworkers it seems. When he did have plans with a friend or so they either lied to him to use him for their benefit of moving furniture instead of going to hang out or movies. So he would be mad and let down, which I don't blame him. Is it normal for a guy to just shut everyone off. I know I probably shouldn't care, but I still love him a lot and I constantly have dreams with him in it. Nothing crazt, but I can still hear his voice and see his smile. Just us being happy or everything reminds me of him. We were long distance and dated over a year. If anything maybe my back stories would help. We do have the same friends. We both have considered them family, but it worried me he just shut everyone out. The last message I had sent him I noticed he read it, but no response which i kind of expected. My question is should I attempt some contact him and break the no contact rule? To see if he is okay or let him be? And is it normal for a guy to shut everyone off the way he did. Besides our friends which will always be out mutual friends regardless all he talks too is like 2 coworkers. I'm just wondering? I don't want to be annoying to him, but just concerned as I do love him a lot and can't even bring myself to hate him sadly I know.

[Mar mar]

I don't know what to do or not do

[vesper]

Just take some time and BREATH. You are a special woman with feelings and true love to give and don't share easily. You need to just get everything off of your just ONCE and then see if he responds. I hope that works for you. It has not worked for me but I must say do as I say and not do as I do.

[Mar mar]

Thank you Vesper. I have sent a message to him and said what i feel and l do take responsibility for my part. Nothing like cheating or anything just stress and he grew distant and cold and when I found out last week he shut even friends out I was kind of surprised and not sure if its normal for a guy to be like that. He literally doesnt talk to many people at all besides the friends we share, but I have stuck to no contact since that message, but just wasnt sure if i should break it again. I told him how i feel, but i don't know what else to say to him at this point being on 3 weeks of no contact. I wish it would work. I know its false hope, but wish we could work out somehow.

[Bart Barterson]

I think about my last serious girlfriend almost every day. We had something amazing together but we weren't right for each other long term. I know that to re-enter her life would be something I'd love to do on so many levels, but I know it would damage her immensely. So I just have to live with it.

 

For you, I think you need to accept that you're both moving on. He can look after himself and doesn't need you to worry over him like his mother. Men often use isolation to work through their own problems in their own space and time. We're not the same as most women who typically have to rely on others for emotional support.

 

Stop worrying about him. You'll end up insulting him if he finds out you essentially feel sorry for him.

[Mar mar]

Bart Barterson thank you for the advice. I do think about him constantly. He's still the one I think of first when I have good news to finally share. So much reminds me of him constantly whether I'm out and about or at home. I do feel bad, but wish he would tell me what was bothering him instead of shutting everyone out. It had went to us always talking to each about everything and venting even and I don't know what changed it out of nowhere. My mind wonders why can't he tell me? What made this situation different from the others? Could I have helped? You're right though I did find this forum because I didn't know what to do and needed support/ advice. My first times asking for outside point of views because I didn't know where to turn and this has been the worst break up by far. I will continue staying no contact then and give him the respect.