Tried everything to get over my ex fiance

[EclipseTheWitc]

My ex fiance broke up with me about 8 months ago. It was sudden and honestly out of nowhere. I thought we were happy and had so many future plans, I've never felt this way about someone, I honestly feel he is my soulmate. Anyway, he broke up with me because "we werent happy", we had problems but I was so sure that he was happy and he made me happy despite our problems. He completely changed as soon as we split, he became hurtful and cruel, started drinking and moved in with some work friends. There was no other woman as far as im aware because he's still single. He acted as though we never mattered, when the day before we split up he told me he loved me more than his own family and wanted to spend his life with me. He dissapeared and told me to move on after a week. 3 months later after NC he calls me crying saying he made mistake, still loves me, blah blah. We meet up the next day and both admit we still love and miss each other but I made it clear that I am hurt and he would have to try for my trust and forgiveness. We agreed to talk as friends and see how it goes. Then, he barely speaks. Tells me he needs time...after calling me and telling me he still wants to spend his life with me. Two weeks later says he doesn't love me anymore and dissapears. A week later comes back saying he didnt mean what he said and will always love me. Since then he keeps contacting me, having casual conversation but it goes nowhere. He occasionally flirts but doesnt advance. Usually I would just forget the idiot that dumped me, but with him I cant seem to let go even after all the hurt he has caused. The past few weeks I have barelt heard from him. I feel a burning urge to just want to talk to him about everything, get it off my chest but I dont know how and I dont want to look weak. I dont know what to do.

[lovehermit]

Hi EclipseTheWitc,

 

I am sorry you are experiencing that right now. It is really difficult trying to forget someone you so dearly loved.

 

Here is my advice to you. Talk to him and tell him what you feel. Tell him what he makes you feel. Tell him everything. Let him realize that he hurts you by what he is doing, keeping you hanging wondering where you two are going. Don't keep it. Get it off your chest. It is not a weakness when you do that. Simply doing that is a bravery in itself.

 

Good luck.

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry!!!

 

You need to be done with this jerk! He has messed you around long enough, and he knows what he is doing. His, are not the actions of someone who or respects you. You need to stop allowing him to hurt you.

 

You will not move on unless you remove him from your life. Block and delete!

 

What were your problems?

[ken0001]

If it were me, I won't talk to him. Never again.

 

You think he's your soulmate with his attitude? Think again. He's all over the place. Doesn't know what he wants.

 

Until he knows what he wants, my advice would be to not talk to him.

 

He's resurfacing in your life over and over again because you're letting him.

 

Have a self-respect for yourself. And try not to give in to his bread crumbs.

[eidetic]

I don't know your backstory yet but when the idiot who dumps you is a fiancé, that's a whole life and future binned, and it takes a long time to sort out (on your own) and "get over". Eight months isn't enough, but I bet you will start to feel better or more yourself after the first year mark.

 

You don't mention your respective ages, but I would hazard a guess that he is of a certain age, or else something very drastic has happened in his personal life or close circle, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you. Just know that the one year mark -- and there will be several of them, throughout the next year -- will help you find understanding and get grounded so that you can move forward cleanly, or be able to reconnect as you feel called and safe and willing to do so.

[EclipseTheWitc]

I don't know your backstory yet but when the idiot who dumps you is a fiancé, that's a whole life and future binned, and it takes a long time to sort out (on your own) and "get over". Eight months isn't enough, but I bet you will start to feel better or more yourself after the first year mark.

 

You don't mention your respective ages, but I would hazard a guess that he is of a certain age, or else something very drastic has happened in his personal life or close circle, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you. Just know that the one year mark -- and there will be several of them, throughout the next year -- will help you find understanding and get grounded so that you can move forward cleanly, or be able to reconnect as you feel called and safe and willing to do so.

Im glad someone understands. Thank you, I felt as though everyone around me had expected me to have had moved on already. In afraid of the one year mark, but now you have helped me not be so afraid.

[EclipseTheWitc]

If it were me, I won't talk to him. Never again.

 

You think he's your soulmate with his attitude? Think again. He's all over the place. Doesn't know what he wants.

 

Until he knows what he wants, my advice would be to not talk to him.

 

He's resurfacing in your life over and over again because you're letting him.

 

Have a self-respect for yourself. And try not to give in to his bread crumbs.

 

I know, if it were one of my friends I would be going mad at them telling them to block and delete. Yes, the person he is right now is not my soul mate, I try to focus on that but theres somthing in me telling me this is wrong. I feel I need closure before I say goodbye for good. But I dont know how to achieve it.

[EclipseTheWitc]

Hi EclipseTheWitc,

 

I am sorry you are experiencing that right now. It is really difficult trying to forget someone you so dearly loved.

 

Here is my advice to you. Talk to him and tell him what you feel. Tell him what he makes you feel. Tell him everything. Let him realize that he hurts you by what he is doing, keeping you hanging wondering where you two are going. Don't keep it. Get it off your chest. It is not a weakness when you do that. Simply doing that is a bravery in itself.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you, I feel I will be able to move on easier if I know he is completely lost and I get all my feelongs and thoughts of my chest

[EclipseTheWitc]

I'm sorry!!!

 

You need to be done with this jerk! He has messed you around long enough, and he knows what he is doing. His, are not the actions of someone who or respects you. You need to stop allowing him to hurt you.

 

You will not move on unless you remove him from your life. Block and delete!

 

What were your problems?

 

I know, hense why im trying to figure out how to be done with him. Ive tried blocking and deleting? I just cant yet. The problems were my insecurities and how he didnt help them sometimes

[EclipseTheWitc]

I don't know your backstory yet but when the idiot who dumps you is a fiancé, that's a whole life and future binned, and it takes a long time to sort out (on your own) and "get over". Eight months isn't enough, but I bet you will start to feel better or more yourself after the first year mark.

 

You don't mention your respective ages, but I would hazard a guess that he is of a certain age, or else something very drastic has happened in his personal life or close circle, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you. Just know that the one year mark -- and there will be several of them, throughout the next year -- will help you find understanding and get grounded so that you can move forward cleanly, or be able to reconnect as you feel called and safe and willing to do so.

 

Also, I am 20 and he is 23 regarding the ages.

[Hollyj]

OP, he gave you closure by leaving the relationship on numerous occasions.