Does my boyfriend not care?

[Butterflyxx]

The other week I finally admitted to my boyfriend about my home life. My physically and emotionally abusive mum.

He didn't feel sorry for me, didn't ask if I was ok, but asked if my dad was and kept going on about how my dad has to get out of the marriage etc (I agree), but i would have thought he'd have taken some consideration into my feelings? Seen as I told him about her abusing me too.

 

Anyway, so tonight me and my bf were discussing where to meet tomorrow- at his house or my house ( we ALWAYS go to mine & his mum has started asking why I never go to his and I feel extremely rude. It's my bfs choice and not mine).

Anyway, so we were arguing and I asked why he didn't wanna go to his and he kept repeating 'because I don't want to' etc. (The real reason is because it's apparently boring at his).

Anyway so I said, well seen as I don't wanna go to mine and you don't wanna go to yours, we shouldn't meet as we can't come to a conclusion. He then said I was selfish and I was black mailing him.

I then told him the reason why I didn't wanna go to mine tomorrow (because my mum punched me and strangled me), and I told him all this. He didn't seem to care and kept asking how he was meant to know. I then said fine, well can I ring you for about 5 mins as I hate arguing with him through texts and wanna resolve it on the phone & he kept saying no.

(Keep in mind, he says that He cares about me and that apparently he keeps his phone near his head every night in case I ring ... bull).

... he said that in front of my family, probably to try and seem nice.

 

I got upset that he didn't wanna call for only 5 mins and kept saying that he doesn't care about me. A 5 min phone call isn't asking for too much...

 

Am I being too demanding for wanting to go to his house sometimes (I went last week and the time before that was in February), and i feel like it's an escape from my family, and I feel much happier when at his compared to mine.

I just want to be cared about by him what do you think? Am I being unreasonable

[Wolfshook]

" and i feel like it's an escape from my family, and I feel much happier when at his compared to mine. " have you tried telling him this?

[agent1607307371]

I just want to be cared about by him

 

You can't make someone care.

He then said I was selfish and I was black mailing him.

 

There's an unfortunate mechanism whereby people who have been raised by abusive parents end up with abusive partners. Now, from what you've written here, he's not abusive, but he definitely doesn't care about your feelings or physical safety.

 

How old are you?

[Butterflyxx]

You can't make someone care.

 

 

There's an unfortunate mechanism whereby people who have been raised by abusive parents end up with abusive partners. Now, from what you've written here, he's not abusive, but he definitely doesn't care about your feelings or physical safety.

 

How old are you?

 

He kept saying however to call the police (which I won't do because I don't want to put my family members in danger, and I don't like to think about what my mum would do...) and I just don't think he understands at all, and when I told him what happened last night (about the violence that occurred last night), he didn't even ask if I was ok etc.

I know I cant make him care but I wish I was cared for.

I am 18

[Butterflyxx]

" and i feel like it's an escape from my family, and I feel much happier when at his compared to mine. " have you tried telling him this?

 

Yes I have, and he said he'll see what he can do... but I bet in a week we will go back to my house ALL the time.

[anna8896]

Heya!

 

If i were in your shoes- id go out and find a support group. It means making friends, building relationships and feeling safe for at least an hour a week.

 

It gives you peace from home and your boyfriend because neither are able to give you the support you need. Especially as you are 18, it took me til now (26) to realise how important it is to make sure your happiness is covered.

 

You obviously are a very caring and careful person and dont want to hurt anyone by your actions so therefore why give others the chance to let their actions afftect you?

 

Youve said your piece to him- he knows how you feel- if he doesnt want to start showing more care, and just downright respect for you, someone else will!

 

Onwards and upwards- Joanna