Too many heartbreaks. How to stop killing myself

[Emily214]

I will try not to make this too lengthy, but I am having a really hard time feeling with my emotions at the minute. I have no one to blame but myself for everything that has happened and i need to stop doing it, I just dont know how.

 

Back in September I split up with my boyfriend at the time because I fell in love with my best friend(let's call him S). Myself and my (ex)boyfriend at the time had been having s lot of issues and it wss inevitable we would have ended around that time anyway (we had been together since we were 15 and were completely different people). My bestfrien had already told me he was in love with me preciously, and i knew I had deep feelings, so once me and my boyfriend split, S was a huge part of my life and we fell very deeply and extremely quickly. I was the happiest girl alive, nothing could bring me down, until one day he told me we could never be together in the long run because of family and cultutal issues (his family are extremely strict and are highly religious where I am not). We knew nothing could happen, but we couldn't stay away from each other. We kept going as normal for a while until eventually it got to the point where he had no choice but to leave. He felt he was wasting my time and he didnt want to leave me heartbroken because of something that would never change. I knee he was trying to be kind,but it destroyed me. It left me depressed and angry at the world. I have never felt pain like it and I had wouldn't wish it on anyone. He was hurting to, so much to the point he has moved back to India for a few months to try and clear his head and get over it.

Now, this is where it gets more problematic. I didnt deal with him leaving very well at all, as I said earlier, which resulted in me in sleeping with someone I knew not long after(Z). He was there to support me and I knew it was wrong, it I enjoyed having the feeling of someone loving me..I dont want to call it a rebound, but essentially that's what it was. Now, I know people always say sex causes emotional attachemnet too, but I didnt think i ever would at this point, i knew he would be moving country and we would never be together. Further along the line, I started to get feelings for him which were getting stronger each day. Now, his move date has been bought forward and hes leaving in a few weeks..once again, I am heartbroken.

I can't pull myself out of bed with how lonely I feel, I feel like I keep self destructing and then wondering why I'm hurting after. Why is it I chase those I cant have?

The pain of losing both S and Z in such a short amount of time is unmanageable..if I cry over one, I cry even harder about the other and its a vicious cycle.

Im worried that i will do the same thing and I don't know what to do. I can't say good bye to Z when he leaves, I can't even cope with the idea of him leaving.

 

What do i do

[Emily214]

Please try and ignore the typos, I am on a new phone and not used to the keypad.

[Emily214]

I know I need to work on myself and I'm trying, but its so hard! Its got to s point where I would call in sick to walk just to see Z for a couple of hours.. I have no limits and I'm too impulsive.

[ThatwasThen]

He felt he was wasting my time and he didnt want to leave me heartbroken because of something that would never change.

What a d-bag. He knew that before he pursued you and confessed feelings for you so all he did was use you knowing that he was going to dump you. Indian or Pakistani or Muslim? You were filler until his parents arranged who he was to marry if he is. I don't even know him but I loath him for starting all this with you knowing that he WOULD break your heart eventually. I think there is a special place in hell for people like him. You "knew he was trying to be kind" No, no dear he was never "kind." *steps down off of soap box*

 

Z was just a fling wherein you got addicted to the lust and infatuation. Get yourself out of bed. Go get a haircut or buy yourself a new outfit and next time you're going to get into a situation where you know that it's not going to be good for you, remember the pain you're in currently and garner the strength to END the interaction with that person that is going to end up causing you to be shredded. Love yourself enough to do that.

 

Twice burnt, THREE times shy from here on out. If you let this happen to you again then get the therapy you need to help you find out why you don't think you deserve a good man that won't string you along and make you think his cruelty is being "kind." Know that he knew exactly that this relationship with you would end... he is a coward and not worth your tears.

[ThatwasThen]

P.S. Stay away from dating Muslim/Indian/Pakistani men. They will only use you for filler until the hurt you and then they will leave to marry who their parents deem fit. I have yet to see a M/I/P man stand up to his family and marry his "filler" girlfriend. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen but you should not take the chance with your heart. Love yourself enough to stay away from dating or getting involved with them romantically/sexually.

[Elavohra]

Let me laugh for a moment! You've been trolled by an Indian guy. Indian guys are never loyal to Indian girls itself how could he be loyal to you. He just did his work. They're good at leaving girls trust me. Never ever date an Indian guy or a Pakistani guy. When its comes to commitments they're coward af.

Secondly karma did its thing. You've got your lessons already. Now dust off yourself. It's time to learn from all this and focus on yourself to never repeat all this again. Promise yourself that you're going to pamper yourself and will date guys wisely not out of loneliness or sexual drives.

All the best for the future.