Emily214 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I will try not to make this too lengthy, but I am having a really hard time feeling with my emotions at the minute. I have no one to blame but myself for everything that has happened and i need to stop doing it, I just dont know how. Back in September I split up with my boyfriend at the time because I fell in love with my best friend(let's call him S). Myself and my (ex)boyfriend at the time had been having s lot of issues and it wss inevitable we would have ended around that time anyway (we had been together since we were 15 and were completely different people). My bestfrien had already told me he was in love with me preciously, and i knew I had deep feelings, so once me and my boyfriend split, S was a huge part of my life and we fell very deeply and extremely quickly. I was the happiest girl alive, nothing could bring me down, until one day he told me we could never be together in the long run because of family and cultutal issues (his family are extremely strict and are highly religious where I am not). We knew nothing could happen, but we couldn't stay away from each other. We kept going as normal for a while until eventually it got to the point where he had no choice but to leave. He felt he was wasting my time and he didnt want to leave me heartbroken because of something that would never change. I knee he was trying to be kind,but it destroyed me. It left me depressed and angry at the world. I have never felt pain like it and I had wouldn't wish it on anyone. He was hurting to, so much to the point he has moved back to India for a few months to try and clear his head and get over it. Now, this is where it gets more problematic. I didnt deal with him leaving very well at all, as I said earlier, which resulted in me in sleeping with someone I knew not long after(Z). He was there to support me and I knew it was wrong, it I enjoyed having the feeling of someone loving me..I dont want to call it a rebound, but essentially that's what it was. Now, I know people always say sex causes emotional attachemnet too, but I didnt think i ever would at this point, i knew he would be moving country and we would never be together. Further along the line, I started to get feelings for him which were getting stronger each day. Now, his move date has been bought forward and hes leaving in a few weeks..once again, I am heartbroken. I can't pull myself out of bed with how lonely I feel, I feel like I keep self destructing and then wondering why I'm hurting after. Why is it I chase those I cant have? The pain of losing both S and Z in such a short amount of time is unmanageable..if I cry over one, I cry even harder about the other and its a vicious cycle. Im worried that i will do the same thing and I don't know what to do. I can't say good bye to Z when he leaves, I can't even cope with the idea of him leaving. What do i do Link to comment
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