Today is Tough

[HurtNotBroken]

Hi Everyone,

 

If you read my wall of text on the breaking up forums you'd see the tumultuous relationship I had, which lasted a long time. I work in catering so I have been seeing a lot of wedding stuff recently, since it's the season. Today I saw a quote of something me and my ex used to say all the time to each other. It's not at all grammatically correct so I was taken off guard by it, not that I thought we created it but I didn't expect to see it. I had to go to the bathroom immediately and just let out some tears, it totally caught me by surprise. So as strong as I felt about everything here I am today relapsing. It's only been a month so it's still fresh, but being left for another guy, AGAIN, is kinda battering my self esteem today.

 

I just want to ask her "I know I haven't been the most responsible, best at looking out for myself. My love has always been genuine and deep, and I'm sorry I got lost in it. Still, does that mean I deserve to be cheated on multiple times? To have my faith in love and relationships damaged because I was immature and irresponsible?" Questions I wouldn't actually ask as I know they'd go unheeded or answered evasively. I just wish I hadn't lost out on my 20's on something that has brought me so much pain.

 

Thanks for the read all.

[Careerchoice]

Triggers are the worst. I got one last week when I randomly came across a pic of my ex on a dating site. It wasn't even her profile, it was some new friend of hers. The reminders will keep happening, but they will affect you less over time and it will take less time to recover from them.

 

You can't keep looking back on your 20s as lost. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean it was time wasted. You learned a lot about women and relationships. You can take this information into your next encounter. I'm just getting done with my 30s and a lot happened during this time too. Look forward, not backward.

[HurtNotBroken]

Thank you Career. I don't know the triggers come all the time recently. It's been a month but the last we spoke was last Thursday, just to air it out and give a definitive end to our relationship. Instead of the airy, perhaps one day talks we had when she was still jerking me around. I feel so silly for wanting a reconciliation down the road after how I've been treated, but I just feel super lonely where I can't seem to get what I got from her in any other of my relationships, be it family or friends.

[Careerchoice]

I know you may resist the advice, but it would be a great idea for you to start reconnecting with the opposite sex. Just talk to other girls. Push yourself to do it. It doesn't have to be to find a new gf, don't even look at them as dates if that's too much for you. It would accelerate your healing.

[HurtNotBroken]

I know you may resist the advice, but it would be a great idea for you to start reconnecting with the opposite sex. Just talk to other girls. Push yourself to do it. It doesn't have to be to find a new gf, don't even look at them as dates if that's too much for you. It would accelerate your healing.

 

I'd honestly love to, that would probably be the biggest difference between this break-up and the last one. I mean the last time we broke up I hooked up with a few girls, felt empty, though the stimulation was good. Towards the end of it before she called me to say she wanted me back I started to kinda see another girl seriously. She knew my position and I let her know I wasn't emotionally available fully and she was ok with that, even wished me and my now ex good luck in our reconciliation when we got back together. She was so mature, driven, attractive, smart, and caring in a lovingly cynical kinda way if you know what I mean. I kinda wish I had pursued that instead of going back with my ex. I don't really have the means right now to go out and socialize, so I'm kinda stunted in that approach currently.

[Sooodone]

A month isn't very long in the breakup process. You are expecting too much of yourself. Give yourself a little more time to grieve. Don't push all the feelings down. Let them out when you're alone and then try to move on with the rest of your day. It will get easier as time goes on. It's hard but you will be fine before long.

[TheKissOfLife]

Im exactly a month into my break up as well...Im still getting triggers. Its hard..but I believe both you and I will find peace.

[HurtNotBroken]

I know it's not that long into the process. I just don't know why my reaction has been so delayed, I've been so strong the past month but now I'm really hurting. I don't know, maybe I've just had time to reflect. Maybe it was that she said she was being honest to this guy, while that makes me feel like I was not worthy of such honesty. Maybe it's because even though she lives 2 hours away she works in my town Thursday and Friday and I feel like I feel her presence. Possibly the silliest thing is I still want to give it another shot. I just wish it wasn't so delayed in the emotional department, it feels like it has put me back.

[HurtNotBroken]

Hey again guys, sorry to keep rehashing this old thread. I thought it better to chronicle how I'm feeling in the same thread than to make several regarding the same topic. Well, it's been almost 2 weeks no contact and I sent her the last of the money I owed her that she lent me while I was last unemployed. I have to say it'll gut me a bit if she doesn't reach out to at least say thank you for keeping good on my word. I see wedding stuff every day and it always is such a downer because I know had we not broken up the very first time, when she also left me for another guy. We'd be married by now, but who knows how good that would've gone. I don't know, I just wish things didn't go this way at all. I've been working out a lot, working a lot, and keeping my mind occupied, but in the quiet moments I think of her and wish we were still together. I remember all the things we promised each other over the years and how true my love was for her, despite my flaws and mistakes, and I never wanted to give up.

 

That is the thing that really hurts, the feeling that I've given up. Even though she once again has left me for another person, I just never thought I'd give up. I know she said she didn't want us to be "so codependent" but I never felt I needed her, I just wanted her there by my side and wanted to fulfill our dreams. I see maybe it's the "co" part of the dependency that is incorrect, since it's obvious she can't be alone and take the time to reflect as I have. It does hurt a bit that she hasn't attempted to contact me at all, we've been through so much. It's hard to do this transition without a solid friend base, feeling I'm not where I should be in life at my age, and feeling like I have no one who gets me. Anyhow, once again today was tough. Thanks again for this everyone on this board too, it's truly therapeutic.

[HurtNotBroken]

So she texted me last night to say thank you for the check. I told her of course I kept good on my word and told her I hoped she was well and hoped to talk to her again. She just replied " I hope you are too!" I left it at that, now real no contact begins. I'd be lying if I said I don't want to hear from her again but she has done a lot of damage. That said I do miss the person I fell in love with, even though it seems that person doesn't exist anymore.

[lettingo2017]

So very sorry. Just always remember what ever the toxic person does, has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself better, why did I choose to be with a woman who mistreats men in such a way? Why would I allow myself to be in a relationship with such a woman? Thank God she is gone. Choose better people to be in your life. Love yourself enough to allow only people who will treat you as good as you deserve.