Am I scared of dating, or am I just not ready for dating?

[cybergurl]

Hi.. I am 25 years old, and I never have been on dates before. Well, there were several times I liked a guy, but I felt that it was unrequited love because they did not try to find excuses to talk to me or make a move on me. I assumed they weren't attracted to me because I don't think I am pretty to them. Recently, there was a guy I am interested in getting to know him. I met him only two times through friends. My friend and I bumped onto him at the restaurant one night, and they caught up a little bit. We introduced ourselves to each other. I thought I'd never see him again. It turned out we had more mutual friends because we both got invited to BBQ party on Memorial weekend. We chatted a lot, and he even added me on the FB. He never liked or commented on my statuses. WELL, he did that once. Now my friend is hosting another party. She is having a homewarming party at her apartment, and she also has a swimming pool this Saturday. He might comes. She has the private event page on the FB, and he did like my post or comment. I hoped that he would message me through FB, but no. I feel like he is not into me because he didn't put efforts into it. Well, he hardly posted anything on the FB. When he did, I wasn't interested in it or I disagreed. Honestly, I do not feel chemistry with him so much, but I'd like to get to know him. I try to stop being picky. Unfortunately, I rarely have chemistry with anyone.

 

I feel that I may have to give up on him. I never thought that I'd try online dating site, but I decide to give it a shot and see how it goes. Two days ago, I joined POF. I didn't expect that I'd get 10 messages or so a day. I thought I was ugly. I guess my family and friends were right I am not ugly because they always called me beautiful and blah. Most of them were "hey" messages, and they even complimented me by calling me cute and pretty. I wasn't interested in most of them, but I am interested in two of them. However, I am so scared of them. One of them suggested that we should meet up, but I became very anxious and scared. We are one hour and 30 minutes apart. I am scared because 1. I am too embarrassed to let my family know where I am going otherwise they would be sick-worried. They need to know where I am specifically.. It sucks to be a petite woman. 2. I am profound in both ears, and I use ASL. I am so anxious about communication barrier. It is why I personally prefer a Deaf guy, but deaf online dating sites suck and there aren't any decent people. I don't want to pay for any online dating site. Period. I decided to let one online guy know I am Deaf, but he didn't seem to care. He still wanted to meet me if I am comfortable so no pressure. I didn't reply to his message because I am scared. I feel like I want to deactivate POF. I am also talking to another guy, but I don't think he has seen my edited profile yet. I mentioned that I am Deaf, because I don't want to waste my time by coming to have a good time only to have a guy rejected me and leaving. It never happened to me, but I heard some stories from my friends, who are also Deaf or hard of hearing. Some were open-minded and willing to learn ASL (American Sign Language).

 

There is another reason why I am scared of online dating sites. When I was a young teen, my mom showed me horror stories about people meeting their online buddies in person. I am not afraid of online dating site. I am also afraid of dating itself, and I always was. When I was a preteen and young teen, girls my age started to be interested in guys, but I was not. I was very uncomfortable with dating. I don't know why. Don't get me wrong. I am a hopeless romantic, and I love watching romance in TV shows or movies. Anyway, I joined dating site because I wanted to go on few dates, but I changed my mind and I don't want to anymore due to anxiety and fears. I feel like I am running away. I guess I have to wait and hope that one guy I'm interested in will finally make a move on me this Saturday. If not.... Oh, well. Does it mean I am not ready for dating? It seems that I am still scared of dating and commitment since I was a kid. I was still glad I got messages and compliments even if I didn't reply to them or I wasn't interested in them. It boosted up my self-esteem a little. In general, I enjoy getting attention and complimented, but I am so afraid of dating. I wonder if I am not ready for dating. I wonder if it is why I made high standards out of my fear when it comes to dating.

 

FYI: All of my friends are Deaf, and they know ASL. The guy I saw only two times is Deaf, too. All of guys I was interested in are Deaf, just an FYI, so you won't assume that I didn't get a boyfriend because of communication barrier lol. As I grew up, I was surrounded by Deaf people. We all met each other through schools, Deaf events, work, and friends. They seem to have no problem finding dates - Deaf or hearing meanwhile I have a hard time to get a date. I feel like no one was trying to pursue me. Well, I remember one guy liked me. I could make a move on him and get him to feel comfortable, but no I wanted him to pursue me. It turned out he gave up and ended up crushing on other girls, so whatever. Well, I admit I panicked slightly when I found out that he likes me. I wish I can get rid of this phobia.

[Wolfshook]

Maybe you should get a little more active when it comes to crushes and act on it,or at least be more open and show more signs that you like them.

If you are not confident enough, well, fake it till you make it, it will come with time you just have to push yourself.

 

 

About dating non deaf guys, I dont think that you should be scared of it and you might even surprise yourself. To be honest, I had a chance to work with several deaf people (one was even working as delivery guy) and in 21st century communication is not a problem at all.

 

Dating in general is "not easy", you will get rejected and you will reject, people will reject you for stupidest things ever (I've seen people getting rejected because they had bracelets , like ) and it's important that you dont take it personally.

[cybergurl]

Maybe, but I had inner "panic attacks" sometimes lol. I hope I will try to push myself when I see my minor "crush" this weekend unless I am not interested in him anymore haha.

 

Wow, cool! I agree that 21st century communication shouldn't be a problem at all. If I have a long-term relationship, I'd prefer a guy signing of course because I feel more comfortable to express myself in ASL.

 

LOL! If someone rejected me because of bracelets, I'd laugh. Well, I don't wear bracelets though. Perhaps, they will reject me for wearing no bracelet LOL! I was worried about people rejecting me for more reasonable things like physical appearance.

[GrowingUp85]

Hi.. I am 25 years old, and I never have been on dates before. Well, there were several times I liked a guy, but I felt that it was unrequited love because they did not try to find excuses to talk to me or make a move on me. I assumed they weren't attracted to me because I don't think I am pretty to them. Recently, there was a guy I am interested in getting to know him. I met him only two times through friends. My friend and I bumped onto him at the restaurant one night, and they caught up a little bit. We introduced ourselves to each other. I thought I'd never see him again. It turned out we had more mutual friends because we both got invited to BBQ party on Memorial weekend. We chatted a lot, and he even added me on the FB. He never liked or commented on my statuses. WELL, he did that once. Now my friend is hosting another party. She is having a homewarming party at her apartment, and she also has a swimming pool this Saturday. He might comes. She has the private event page on the FB, and he did like my post or comment. I hoped that he would message me through FB, but no. I feel like he is not into me because he didn't put efforts into it. Well, he hardly posted anything on the FB. When he did, I wasn't interested in it or I disagreed. Honestly, I do not feel chemistry with him so much, but I'd like to get to know him. I try to stop being picky. Unfortunately, I rarely have chemistry with anyone.

 

Guys can be shy, too. He may like you, he may not. Next time you see him, exchange phone numbers with him. Or ask him if he'd like to go out sometimes. It's ok for women to do that. As a 32 year old guy, there's been plenty of times that I've been hesitant to ask someone out, and would have appreciated them taking the first step.

[cybergurl]

Guys can be shy, too. He may like you, he may not. Next time you see him, exchange phone numbers with him. Or ask him if he'd like to go out sometimes. It's ok for women to do that. As a 32 year old guy, there's been plenty of times that I've been hesitant to ask someone out, and would have appreciated them taking the first step.

 

I would try that next time I see him. It would be third time I see him, so no excuses lol.

[cd987]

Women have so many options that good guys just get used and thrown out in favor of hot guys.