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I'm about to lose the love of my life... What do I do?


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Hello, first time posting here! I'm in a terrible situation and I would like to hear some opinions/advice on how to proceed. I'll give the shortest version of history that I can.. here goes.

The love of my life, K, is not who I'm married to. I am married to L, and in what I like to call the worst decision I've ever made. You see, K and I were highschool sweethearts. He was 2 years older than me when we first met. He joined cross country just to be able to spend time with me after school at practice. Then I seriously pursued my gymanstics career after he graduated in 2007, decided to move to Colorado and try for 2008 Olympics. He joined the Marines. We did not date during that time and did not reconnect until early 2010, although we did keep in touch because my parents loved him, and would ask about him and I still cared about him. So early 2010, I just returned from living in Florida, he messages me out of the blue and things pick up right where they left off. He was being deployed to Japan then Afghanistan in May. So we spent two weeks together at home, and then I went with him to Hawaii where he was stationed until deployment. Fast forward to around August, I can tell things are tough over there because he slowly is getting more and more distant, less phone calls home, less letters, and I knew what was coming next... the break up. So we do. We call it off and about a week later I rebound with L, whom I've just met while at work (I was 19 and worked at a nice sushi restaurant downtown). Not knowing L was engaged at the time, I proceeded to spend time and go on trips and whatnot with L. Then discovered L had a little bit of a drug problem, we work through it and he gets clean. Well K and I get back in touch with each other while he is home for a few days, have a rendezvous and keep in touch for a while. L and I continue to date, even though in my gut I knew I shouldn't be with him. I eventually left L in the beginning of 2013 because I could no longer handle the emotional and verbal abuse. So I moved home. K and I reconnected for a month or so, going on dates, sleeping over, then he disappeared and soon after started dating a girl called C. I finally give into L's attempts to make up, all the empty promises, saying all the right things that I wanted to hear. After a tumultuous few years, L and I got engaged in 2014. At this point K and I had not spoken for quite some time, but lo and behold, he pops up in my messages one afternoon. So we talk from January to June, my wedding being in July. He never asked me to call it off, but he did ask me if this was what I really wanted. At the time, I had no idea what I really wanted, I was just doing what seemed like the next step and what everyone wanted me to do. I met up with K 3 weeks before I got married, L finds out, calls it all off, but after two days decided not to call it off. I was so relieved when L called it off, I felt free from it all. So K and I are not communicating, and don't for almost 3 years. I've since gotten married, had a baby (NOT BY CHOICE, I certainly did not plan to get pregnant and was using BC and used plan b). Then I get a friend request from K in January 2016. So i message to see if this was just drunk doings or legitimate sober actions. It was legitimate sober actions. We agree to sit down to lunch one day just to catch up. After that meeting, we got to talking and he had so many questions. He was thinking of joining the military again, but he wanted to know how long a divorce would take because he wanted me to go with him. He wanted to get to know me again, and spend time with me. But things were so complicated because here I am married and just had a baby. At this point I was already thinking of divorce with L because he lost his job and got back on drugs for short period of time while I was pregnant. I feel as though I should make another post just for L's sake, because regardless of what happens with K, I think I should file for divorce from L. So back to the point, K and I have been carrying on an affair (emotional and physical) for over a year now and all the while he has been dating C. In one of our more serious conversations, K tells me he gets what he needs from C as a girlfriend, but he doesn't love her the way he loved me..but he couldn't sit around and wait for me forever. Then two months later after a meetup fell thru, he told me he would be proposing soon. I was crushed. But I imagine that's how he felt when I got engaged. I sent him a message about 3 weeks ago with a flirty picture, and it took him a while to open it. So in talking with my best girlfriend about it, she suggested that C is probably with him. So out of curiosity I pull up her page and that's when I see that they got engaged in April. I was sick, shaking, stomach in knots. So I sent another message apologizing. He answered like it was no big deal that he was engaged and would continue with our secret relationship. So we will both be home for the 4th of July and have discussed meeting up. I would really like to send him an email laying everything out about how i feel about him. That I've never stopped loving him, that getting married to L was a mistake, that if he has any doubts at all about C, not to make the same mistake I did. And I hate to throw ultimatums around, but considering letting him know that if he wanted to make a go of it, to just say the word and I'd file for divorce that day. It sounds so cliche but, y'all.. This has been 12 years in the making him and I. Since I was 15, I'm 27 now. I've never felt about someone the way I do about him, there is no one that knows my heart the way he does. HELP!

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I have always loved the saying that you will regret more the things you didn't do, than the things you did do. It seems like no matter what K does, the relationship with L is going to end regardless. It comes down to what you think: the worst of each scenario is 1), he refuses your opinions and disagrees, marries C, blah blah blah, or 2), you say nothing and wonder forever. It's up to you which one is worse. Hope this helps!

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Click, drag and copy your post.

Paste it in a new "Quick Reply" window.


With you mouse and Enter key break it up into four sentence or less paragraphs. /


Then "Post Quick Reply"


Helpful hint:

When done breaking up, read it out loud. If if doesn't sound right, it needs work.

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