Am I doing the right thing? Please help! :(

[Tryingtobestrong]

Everyone who read my monster thread on the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend page knows my story.

 

For all others let me just tell you that my live-in boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me over 6 months ago. His reasons were that he could not see a future for us and he did not want to waste my time.

 

Well, I have been in touch with him for the last 6 months always hoping that we might get back together. We did not see each other for over 4 months but went on two 'dates' in March.

 

On these dates I realized, through his words and actions, that he is not interested in getting back together with me.

 

After the 2nd date I did not hear from him for a week and decided that I had to walk away from him and our relationship as I was not moving on, and I still wanted much more than friendship from him.

 

Since I decided to do that, 2 weeks ago from today, he has contacted me 4 times. Twice by text and twice via email. The first 3 messages were not very meaningful, just some comments about a football game. I ignored them all.

 

Last night he sent me a 'goodbye email'. He says that he realizes that I dont want to speak to him anymore. He hopes this is not true and the messages just got lost, but he finds that hard to believe. So he wishes me all the happiness in the world and signed with love.

 

Now I feel really torn. What am I supposed to do? I started NC because I felt that this was the only chance for me to move on, and maybe for him to realize that he loves me after all.

 

But his message is tearing at my heart. I want to reply. I want to tell him how I feel, but my head tells me this would be wrong. There is nothing I can say or do that will make him love me again. He has to discover this on his own.

 

I dont trust my heart or my head anymore. So please tell me what you think I should do. I feel like I am going to do a huge mistake, but I dont know what would be wrong. Replying or not?

 

Please help!

[DN]

Don't reply. He has got the message you wanted to send. Answering it would just put you back to square one. You cannot just be friends and he knows this. If he wanted more he would have said so. Best to get over him as quickly as you can, and that means no contact.

 

Good luck, I hope you recover soon and find someone who cares for you as you do for him.

[charlotte_skye]

HEY,

Ive followed your posts so i know ur story.

 

I know how u feel havi been in same situation, i too did the nc thing to move on etc but he would email or something to tell me it did matter to him n hes sorry etc n it would tear at my heart also........n i wouldnt knwo what to do, whether to email back or not.......

 

the thing i found is once u make a decision u usualy knwo if its right or wrong. so try it. make a decision n see if your stilld ebating it or if u feel relife at havin made the decision, if its the latter u just know u need to do it n its right hting to do.

 

dont think about him n his needs at all here, only yours.

 

in my situation i found that i I needed to emaiback, i had to lay it allllllllllllllll out b4 i could move on, i needed to send HIM a goodbye email.......virtually it said i loved him , will always in my way, that im sorry n i knwo he is, n that if it isnt goin to change which it didnt seem it was goin to i needed to move on , in which i was tryin to do.....

 

it seemed as soon as i decided to do that n did do that i oculd let it go so much easier........

 

i believe the HARDEST thing EVER to get over is regret. pls if u feel like u will always wonder if u hsould have replied, pls just do, dont leave room for regret. tell him how u feel one last time.........so u can let it go.....

 

alwyas leave it in his court.........that way u cant regret

 

my ex n i didnt get back together but i wa sbale to move on co si knew if that EMAIL u know the LAST one n we both knew it was didnt change anything, it was never goin to........

 

but i know i left with a i love u, will never forget u, n i had no regrets.

 

dont play mind games of maybe i should no nc n he will come back, or maybe i should just leave it cos ill b back to square one, sometimes we have to go the hard way, go thru it all again till we can learn completely n move on with our heads full with no doubt.........

 

do what u feel, that way u cant loose....

 

with m ex i called alot etc at first , then i didnt, n i was always ashamed of how much i did call him etc in beginning but now i realise it was ok to do that because it wa shwo I FELT, n by doig wat u feel u cant loose, because it is how u feel n every feleing is valid, n if u do what u feel u cant cheat yourself, n that is what remains most important in the end

 

hope this helps

[darkness0204]

Sumtimes the hardest things are the right way to go. I understand how you feeling. Its tha point in ur life when you feel you have to let go wether tha is NC OR C... Its hard bc when your mate finally sees there faults they are so sorry and you just want to comfort them and let them kno that you are thhere for them and tha you do still love them. But at tha same time you have to let go. When you feel like responding call a friend or sumthing you have to fight thja temptation of givng in, and you must stand ur ground no matter how hard and hurtful it may seem.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Thanks for your replies.

 

Unfortunately I just broke NC. I felt like I had to. After sending me his 'goodbye email' last friday, in which he said he was gonna leave me alone, he gave me 2 calls yesterday.

 

He left me a message saying that he was worried about me and that I should please tell him that I am okay.

 

I felt that it was either childish or mean if I continued to ignore him and also had this feeling that things might get ugly soon, if I continued to ignore him.

 

It might be nonsense, but I started to worry about him showing up at my work and making a scene or something like that.

 

Do you guys think I should have stayed strong and ignored him?

[Tryingtobestrong]

So, after I sent him this email in which I said that I was doing fine and he needn't worry about me, he wrote back saying that he is happy to hear that and promises to leave me alone from now on.

 

If I wanted to be in touch with him then I should call, text or write.

 

I thought that he would stay away from now on. Well, to my surprise he contacted my sister this evening.

 

He sent her a text asking if I have a new boyfriend. He sent her 4 texts in which he wrote that he wants me to be happy and find love, and because I am not replying he can only think that I have a new boyfriend. If that is true, then he is very happy for me, but he just wants to know.

 

I asked my sister not to reply, but she did not want to do that. So she sent him a text saying that I was doing fine, but she did not want to talk about whether I had a new boyfriend or not. It was none of her business.

 

I have no idea why he is suddenly so interested in me and my love life.

 

I only know that I really want to get some peace and as long as he keeps sticking his head into my life I will probably not find it.

 

I guess I have two options. Stick to NC or call him and tell him to leave me alone. Any suggestions?

[DN]

If you genuinely want to never hear from again then you could e-mail asking him not to contact you. Keep it polite, just say that you are moving on with your life and think it would be easier for both of you if he did not contact you or your sister.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Well, I don't want to NEVER hear from him again. I have 2 other exes I am still in friendly contact with, and I would like to get to the point where we could do that as well.

 

I just know that NOW I can't be friends with him. The breakup is still too fresh for me and I am also rather angry at him right now.

 

I hoped that we could drift apart without having a confrontation over it. But if he does not stop contacting me, my family or my friends, I guess I will have to tell him right out.

I just dont want to make it sound like I am still hurt over the breakup and am not strong enough to be his friend.

 

So maybe I should use the exit he is offering me and just say that I am dating someone new. I am worried though, that then he will think that it is cool to tell me about the girl he is seeing, and I really dont want that.

 

Well, I am crossing my fingers that this was the last time he got in touch and I wont hear from him again for a long time.

 

Wish me luck!

[Tryingtobestrong]

Am having a hard time today. Thinking about him the whole time and want to give him a call so badly.

 

My head tells me not to do it, but time does not seem to pass and none of my friends have time to do something tonight.

 

I am staring at the clock counting the minutes till it is time to go to bed.

 

Anyone know how to get through this? Been to gym already today.

[Hope75]

Hey Trying!

 

Long time no see! I was wondering how you were doing.

 

Hmm.. what your guy is doing is kind of weird and lousy. You say when you met up with him in March you had the feeling he had no desire to work it out with you and yet now he is trying so hard to win your friendship and find out about your love life..... it's sneaky.

 

I don't think you should lie to him and tell him you are seeing someone new, I think you can, like DN suggested, just email him and politely say you have moved on and would like it if he would leave you and your family alone.

 

I know you don't never want to hear from him again because you still have feelings, and it's hard, but look how much this contact has set you back in healing from the breakup 6 months ago. If you truly felt that he didn't want to get back with you when you saw him, your gut feeling is probably right, and if so, what purpose does keeping in contact with him serve? You already said you don't feel strong enough to be just friends, so it would seem keeping in touch is only going to hurt you more and delay your recovery.

 

I'm sorry he is doing this to you, sending mixed signals stinks, but the best thing is to rip it off like a big bandaid now, because drawing it out when you aren't going to get what you want is just going to make it hurt longer.

 

Hope