Is Love suppose to hurt this bad?

[sdguy118]

I know I need to completely stop making any contact with her whatsoever, but I never realized it would be this tough. I am being honest, I never realized it would be THIS difficult. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I gave her a rose yesterday after she got out of class, I dropped by her school and gave her a rose and a card, just saying something like "hey, I'm really sorry things have gotten to this point...we have had so many good times together, and I just want you to know that I still think of you and miss you, just happy with the time we did share"...ok, I now realize how stupid that was. I should have never given her that rose and flower. After I gave her the rose and card, I just said, "I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but just wanted to let you know how I'm feeling"...she replied "if Greg and I do get together, which I'm really thinking we will, you can't be upset or jealous and have to be happy for me." i have to say, well that kinda sucked. wasn't expecting that. needless to say, after I got done talking with my personal counselor about life and how this all has affected me, i get in my car to drive run couple errands, and got in a bad car accident. I'm a very emotional guy, and at this point, I'm crying bad. I just couldn't keep it together...and the one person, the one person I wanted the most, she wasn't there. I called her later that night, and told her just thought she might want to know about the accident, and just told her i needed some support and care from her...she told me that she cannot give me that anymore...I told her "I JUST GOT IN AN ACCIDENT, GET OVER YOURSELF AND BE A DAM FRIEND"..."please!!!"..........then we hung up. I actually ate all my food last night, for the first time in 2 months!!! i know, good job ryan!! today, i called her and said you know, you seriously can't even call me to ask me how i'm feeling today, after yesterday's accident?? she said that i call her too much and want too much out of her. I just can't believe that. Just another sign saying how mean she can be to me! why do nice guys finish last, always?? she sent me some pictures of her new "special friend", that she's been kinda seeing, and seriously, the guy looks like he'd be a cool guy, but even HE deserves better looking girl than her! I feel bad for him. she and I looked SO much better together than they do...i can't believe she's making this decision. I'm like SO over this, but at the same time, It's SO hard not to contact her. I still love her, and it absoultey kills me to think she's out with some other guy! any advice for getting over cutting contact? any advice for me? i'm totally stressed out with everything! why is she being SO mean??

[MetallicAguy]

Well I think she's got the wrong idea from the rose and the card. Yeah you're right you never should of gave it to her, but what can you do now? Well I think she's got the idea of you wanting to get back together, I think it's why she's telling you about her "special friend" basically, that means "back off" because she thinks you want to get back together with her, and that's what it means when she was talking to you about this guy. So yeah, just if you can get over her and find another girl. It's probably going to take around 4-5 months, but that's life.

[melrich]

I think Mettalicguy is right. We don't know all the circumstances but it sounds to me like she feels the message is not getting through to you. It is very difficult to go straight from a relationship to being just friends. You should really both take some space from each other at least until you are able to cope with seeing her just as a friend.

[Amannamederic]

I hope your ready for some tough love because ive got a tone to give you:

 

First, your not over her.

 

Thinking to yourself that he deserves better than her is nothing more than you trying to justify her not finding happiness without you. You need to stop that because you will spend (and by the sound of things already have spent) months pining away at something that obviously isn't coming back. I'm not trying to sound mean this is just how it is, she sent you that picture because she thought you could use closure, you've been continually contacting her for the past few months and showing her that she has you under her little finger. At the very least respect her for making an effort to turn your life around by shocking you enough to forget about her.

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your accident but telling her was the wrong thing to do, your further cementing the "nice guy" syndrome (ill explain it later)

 

Man, i can relate to you so bad, my first ever post on this site was a situation like this. So im gunna tell you straight out. Calling her every day and accusing her, attacking her, trying to make her feel sorry for you isn't being a nice guy. As a matter of fact, the "nice guy syndrome" is documented and recognized by psychologists as a martyr. A man who is so consumed with a woman that he puts his own needs behind her simple desires. Women do NOT find this sweet, they find it frightening and deeply annoying im sorry i know this kills because you think you did it all right and are the victim here...i did too awhile ago until someone told me exactly what im telling you...Women don't want lapdogs, they want MEN. Men who they know can defend them, or watch out for them, who have their own lives and are completely comfortable with themselves as people. Ask yourself, did you do these sort of things when you were together? Automatically give in when you two fought? Cried over her and made sure she knew because you thought it would make you sweeter? And of course we know what your doing wrong now that you 2 arent together. Odds are she wasn't thinking you were sweet when you did all of this 20 times, she was thinking oh my god if i ever leave him he'll kill himself...well maybe not that extreme but you get the picture.

 

This is when you HAVE to quit calling her because it will only go downhill from here. From the sound of things you haven't called to say hi, you've called to express your hurt to her, try to make her feel bad. STOP IT, im guessing it wont be much longer until she's going to start feeling threatened and you do not want to be slapped with a lawsuit over some girl.

 

You do want too much out of her, she broke it off with you because she wasn't feeling the same about you as before. Your not letting her live her life man and you need to. She is a person too, just like you, she has another boyfriend, so what, its just as easy for you to meet someone new too. I'm sure there are plenty of people in your area that would love a chance to hang out with you and if thats not your thing you could always go online for a friend to talk to and make it develop (i actually know a few people who made it work by just talking a little each day)

 

Love hurts, it hurts bad, the girl i broke my "nice guy syndrome" on still gives me panic attacks at the very mention of her. I'm not talking about nervousness im talking sweating/EXTREME upset stomach/jealousy so bad it makes my head hurt/fatigue but unable to fall asleep. I get all of that everytime someone thinks its cool to remind me that she left me for someone else after 2 years together (in highschool! which equates to a million years as an adult trust me...any highschooler who has tried to have a long lasting relationship will vouch for that one lol). But you know what? i got over it, i deal with those attacks now and just sort of accept them as the whole first-love hurts the worst thing. People are going to tell you to just take your time and slowly get over her but that doesn't always work and i want you to know that im here with the same thing if it happens to you. I had to bury her and you might too. Its ok though.

 

Crying is ok, let it all out man, pull out the sappy songs, all the pictures/letters/memories you have of her and get rid of them. You don't need the opportunity to remind yourself of what you lost. Delete her number, look at other women even if you don't want to. Make a list in your head of the things you have to offer people and give yourself pleasure in knowing that she won't have a guy like you since you are completely unique. I bet your starting to feel a little better already! Here's another thing that always helped me in the first 5 months when my attacks were the worst. Lift weights. I cannot stress enough how much strength being pissed off at someone gives you, the weights don't care how hard you jerk them around. Your body will feel good because it will be being worked, and you know what? your going to be so high on adrenaline from anger that your muscles will build faster too! mine did!

 

There are plenty of things to do to relieve stress and hurt, ive tried to give you a few here but nothing can replace good, old fashioned talking, i like that you have a therapist, vent on him/her because its in confidentiality and you can erupt and say whatever without anybody ever knowing or being annoyed.

 

Please PM me if you want i know exactly what your going through and would like to help further if you wish,

 

Good luck man,

 

-Eric

[heloladies21]

Well dude, you say you're over her, but it doesn't sound like it to me. This girl is looking for another man and this should send up a big red flag that says "i'm not interested in having a relationship with you anymore". Personally, this would make me not want to call her anymore. I don't want to be with people who don't want to be around me.

 

I do agree with you that No Contact and break ups are the hardest things to go through in the whole world. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do no doubt. It takes plenty of self control and stepping back and taking a look at the big picture. If you did that, you just might notice some of the 100's of women that pass you by everyday that you could be hitting on and having great relationships with. They're not gonna chase you my man. You're a man. It's up to you to go get them.

[Bibora]

I know your feelings dude. It takes a good amount of strengh to do NC with the person that we love the most... I'm doing that for almost 4 month now, and still i have my good share of almost breaking points... But i guess im stuborn or something and although i still love her, im not going to break it. I think like this, she broke up with me, it means she doesn't want to be with me, pass time with me, im not necessary in her life, so if that is the case i'd say good ridance, and hope you will be happy in your life, but im not gonna torture myself over you (i already suffered enough over this).

What can i advice over all this? Be strong and make a stand (hell be stuborn, proud on yourself). You are hurting yourself over her, by wanting to have her in your life somehow. And the thing i like to think is that she lost an amazing guy (not flattering myself - just a boost ego) that would do anything for her to see her happy. Say it like this "Her loss!".

 

There are plenty of things to do, to see, people to meet. Why are we hurting our lives over someone who clearly isn't good for us?

 

You will get over this sooner or later, but you will.

[justsweetgirl]

Ok, let me get this straight...she doesn't appreciate a card and rose, she doesn't want to hear from you after you've been in a serious car accident, she doesn't call you the next day to see how you are feeling, she says you call too much and want too much from her, and she sends you pictures of the guy she wants to be with. First of all, stop all contact. It has to be less painful than this. She is making it perfectly clear she does not want to be with you. I know it isn't easy to hear and you feel you still love her. But this is cruel. She is disrespecting you all over the place. You have to keep busy with school, friends and family and move on. You have to stop letting her beat you down. There are girls who will treat you the way you derserve to be treated - when enough time has passed and you are ready to date again. You need to be good to yourself. What would you tell your best friend if he were in your shoes? I wish you the best.

[xcurdy]

lol cool hope you know how to slit your wrists, dumby cause thats the only chance you have to survive LOL JP!

 

see yah! ... 0X

[michelemybell]

sdguy, I definitely agree with the other posters. Stop all contact now!!! I think just about every one of us on here has gone through this situation at one time of our lives and yes, it is very depressing. The only thing, and yes, I mean the only thing that worked to get out of the "funk" you're in is to go to no contact. If you're always in this girl's face, she doesn't have a chance to actually miss you and appreciate you. And, if you are constantly all over this girl, you can't take care and work on yourself--and that is truly the only way you can ever be happy. You will learn how to be happy without relying on someone else for that sense of happiness (which is dependency). We all had to learn this painful lesson.

 

One more thing: I've never seen someone who dumps someone else and moves on so quickly end up in a successful relationship (there are some cases I guess, but I havent personally witnessed any). I have a feeling that once you go into no contact mode, this girl will be sniffing around again wondering why you arent still pining after her. And then the ball will be in your court. (And I betcha $100 you wont want her back!)

 

Take care,

Michele

[tarheelfan]

Hang in there SDguy. I know what you are going through... with the exception of one very polite voicemail over 2 weeks... (I left for HER) I have had ZERO contact with her. It has been the toughest thing I have ever done.

 

We talked everyday for 2 years... now nothing. We haven't spoken in a month. She has made it clear that SHE wants no contact. I think Michelle is right. When you stop... and yes it is tough... it will inevitably cross her mind that you are no longer interested. By then... you WON'T want her back.

 

Best of luck... you CAN do it.