I want him back

[balletbabe7319]

Hi... My name is Hannah. Im 15 so relationship problems here some may think are stupid and unmeaningful. Heres whats going on anyway. I met this guy at school when I came into the high school. I was so excited just to be talking to him. He was cute, funny, and nice. About seven months ago I told him I liked him and he said he liked me back, a little while later we made things officially. You know with titles and everything. About a month and a half into the relationship we took things far. We had sex. I had a few serious bf before him but I didnt feel this way about ANY of them. He means the world to me. He was my first and I was his. So of course we became VERY attatched, emotionally. For at least three months after that everything was great. But for the last two months things seemed to have detieriorated. We fought ALOT... not all the time... but alot. Then about a month ago he broke up with me... told me he couldnt take the fighting anymore. We still talk on the phone everynight and hang out. And when we hang out we still cuddle and kiss. Though I wont do more than that w/o a relationship. He says he still loves me... he makes promises to me like if neither one of us are married by the time we are 30 we will marry eachother... he tells me he misses me... he also says he doesnt know if he wants to date me ever again. That he doesnt think he wants a girlfriend now. He loves me but he cant be with me. I love him so much! I have cried everyday since he broke up with me. I want him back soooo bad. He is the only person in my life that I have. I have gone through alot. He saved me from myself. He got me to stop cutting. Bc he became the only thing in my life I could depend on. I cant depend on my family or friends bc they all suck. Just this one guy who doesnt even want to be with me. But to get to what I need help with... How do I get him back? Please I need him... Im afraid I will hurt myself without him.

[DN]

Don't hurt yourself - that would be letting him down after all he did to get you to stop. Even if you don't get back together, you owe him the respect of not doing that.

 

What were the fights about - who started most of them and were they properly resolved or did you just get over them without talking them through?

[annie24]

Hey girl - first, I am glad that you stopped cutting! Second, I think sometimes, us "older" people forget how important our relationships to us were when we were in high school. Actually - now, looking back, some of my most meaningful relationships were with bfs in high school. It's really a significant time of life - you are not a child, yet not quite an adult, and you are exploring the world. No, I don't think that your relationship is meaningless at all.

 

But, the bad news is, most of time time, when it's over, it's over. Sometimes, people get back together again, but usually, when people break up, it's for a good reason.

 

I guess my best suggestion for you would be to seek out some counseling and talk to someone about your cutting and your family and personal relationships. Stay on friendly terms with your ex, but don't expect to get back together with him. I don't want to give you false hope - perhaps, a few months or years from now, you two will be at a place in your lives where you can be together, but it doesn't look like that time is now. Focus on yourself, ok? Chin up!

[kskm]

No relationship is "stupid" no matter how young you are. Everyone has feelings. Also you can't depend on anyone to be there for you always. You have to learn to depend on yourself, and I know that you feel alone, but don't cut yourself. Do that for us. And if you feel like you have to then you need to see someone, a therapist. You can pm me anytime.

[xxserialkisserxx]

Heyy hannah...I've been in this type of situation before and its not fun at all.......but my best advice is if the relationship isnt going to work then be nothing but friends at most, in other words you said that you guys call each other everynight thats cool but I would NOT kiss and cuddle with him and tell each other I love you because your only setting yourself up to get hurt because your going to keep wanting more I know that it seems that your life is over but believe me when I say:

 

" This Too Shall Pass "

The best of luck to you...remember there's other guys out there and the perfect one for you is waiting....

[goddess23]

hey. i agree with the fact that age doesnt equal meaningless. but at the same token i think having sex at this age is GENERALLY a mistake because our emotions are already so high and sex just makes the attachement even more serious. but thats done. now im sort of in the same boat iwth you as in my ex and i are fooling around aand are basically like friends with benefits and he told me he loves me and yeah so. but im giong through it right now and it is what i want but at the saem time its so hard. because it is so confusing and this back and forth bs is really hard to handle at times. look if you want more you need to tell him taht and if he doesnt want that then its just not going to work. it is setting up for hurt and you guys fought a lot for awhile before breaking up so it just seems that its better to not get into a relationship with this guy. but if you must take it SLOWWWW plzzzzzzz lol and ill TRY AND DO THE SAME LOL

[Strandysmommy]

It really sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. This is a sucky fact, because when someone doesn't know what they want, we don't know how long it will take until they do know. If anything, it sounds like he's playing a little game with you. "Oh I love you, lets kiss, lets get married if we're still single at age 30..." that just doesn't sound good. It sounds like he's stringing you along to see how much power he can have over you.

 

If you feel like you're going to start cutting again get help. Seriously, don't be ashamed, don't be afraid. Because if you do hurt yourself, you risk more than just a relationship. You risk any future relationships you might have with someone who won't lead you on. If you're feeling that low...do get help ASAP.

[balletbabe7319]

The fights were 50/50... I started some he started some. No fight was left unresolved. I wouldnt let that happen. My past has to do alot with why I used to cut. My real dad was a HUGE pot head and an alcoholic. He used to hit me and my siblings and my mom. I have 4 other siblings so there are 5 of us altogether. Im the youngest. My real dad moved to texas. My step dad came into the picture about a month after my real dad left. I was three going on four. About a year ago I had this one boyfriend who was really pressuring. Sex was a big issue. I didnt want to and he didnt like that. He pushed me around a lot. One day he wanted to make out and I didnt and he shuved me into a wall and forced me to kiss him. It was about that time I began to cut. After about 3-4 months of that kid I broke up with him I couldnt take it anymore. Al he ever wanted to do was fight fight fight. It was a much bigger issue than the guy I am involved with now. Thats why its so hard for me to accept that the reason why Doug wants to break up bc of the fighting bc I stuck it out for soooo long with the other guy. Me and the other guy basically fought from the beginning.

[diana0561]

hey girl. my name is diana and i can relate to where youre coming from. Me also having a ton of family problems and having friends that sucked. But instead of cutting myself i was a drinker. Well i started dating a guy who became my whole world, he too help me to quit my little habbit. Well a whole lot of things happened and he broke up with me. my whole world and life fell apart in what seemed like a second. i was so in love with him. I felt so sad and in my mind the only person that could make me feel better was him. But one thing i have been told by one of my many therapist.

 

You can't be happy with someone else until youre happy with yourself. And what that really means is that the only person that can make you feel better is YOU. happiness comes from inside.

 

please believe me when i tell you this, if this is ment to be things will work themselve out. I know you're hurting now but dweling on it won't make your realtionship any better you will just feel worse. Dont forget you are young, and whats not to say that theres someone out there that will make you feel ten times better then this guy did.

 

also yall telling eachother i love you.. well from first hand experience.. umm with in the last month.. that only keeps you trapped, and all its really doing is setting you up for a HUGE let down. That will make it so hard to move on with your life b/c you just keep wondering whats gonna happen between us. Or how does he really feel about it. and not knowing sux the most of all. Now i dont doubt that truly loves you and really cares about you.. But it sounds like its not in the same way it usted to be.

 

But realize this, life does go on. and whats already been said "this too shall pass" And the many times i would call my mom crying thats the exact words she would tell me. And it's true.