Taking back an x that cheated. Does it get easier

[Jasper1973]

Hi everyone. I could really do with some advice. It's a very long storey but I originally got divorced four years ago after a 12 year marriage. Since then I fell in love with a girl that I never trusted but I was obsessed with her and after a year and a half we broke up as I found she had cheated on me for the hole year with a guy that she's had known for years and she was friends with his girlfriend. I hated her after that but still loved her and thought about her all the time. I didn't see her at all for 9 months but she would still message me telling me she loved me and saying how upset she was about what happened even tho she had been seeing another guy at the time. She had counselling for six months and says it has helped her and she has become a better person as a result.

 

I bumped into her again 9 months later and we were drunk on a night out and ended up sleeping together. I told her I couldnt get back with her at time but she is very manipulative and attractive and used sex to get me back. We have been back together for about six months now but I have finished it three times in that time because I keep getting angry about how she cheated on me and it is constantly on my mind and driving me crazy. Every time I have finished it she just turns up at my house or work and has said she can't let me go. She offers me sexual favours andalways asks me to help with stuff and doesn't take know for an answer. I do love her and am completely obsessed with her and it's difficult as I think she is allot more attractive than me as well. I am hoping these feelings will go and I can learn to trust her and have a good relationship but I am finding it very hard to forget the past and its messing with my head massively. She says that I am her sole mate and loosing me made her realise that she can't live without me and that she can't let me go. I am hoping with time I can learn to trust her as we could have an amazing time together if I let it but my gut is stopping me from letting myself trust her and I always think the worst.

 

Has any on got back with an x after they cheated. Does that feeling of anger and upset ever go or do I need to end this relationship for good. I feel like I'm in a vicious never ending cycle.

 

Sorry for the long message.

[MissCanuck]

You need to end this relationship for good.

 

She is not someone you should ever consider trusting again. She cheated on you throughout the majority of your short relationship, man. Walk away and find a woman who isn't sneaky and deceptive.

 

You will regret this if you stay, mark my words.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

You can date her. No harm there, but you should make it clear you aren't trying to be exclusive. If she really wants to be exclusive, it will happen naturally, but I personally would never trust someone who cheated on me. I had someone who did that, and as much as I loved her, I would only date her if I were in your situation. The trick is to watch what they do when it's no longer new. That will tell you how they will treat you going forward. If she starts flirting and see I g other guys, it's probably a sign this really isn't the one for you. Everyone looks, but those really in love don't have a desire to act on their temptations.

[charity]

Its not going to work. You don't respect her or love her. Obsessed and 'crazy about' is something different altogether.

[LaHermes]

Exactly.

 

Obsessed and crazy have little to do with "love".

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.