I feel very anxious and alone right now

[Dominique]

Dominique thanks for checking in last night I felt better and it was easier to fall asleep. I went ahead and prayed then I called it a night. Waking up is still a little painful as usual but I try to distract myself with other things rather than the thought of her coming into my head. How are you today?

 

I am glad to hear u slept a bit better. Bedtime and waking are the worst times for me. It hits me very very hard in those moments. I usually don't sleep and cry all morning before work. Keep the distractions coming. That is useful to ease the pain.

 

I've been sad all morning. Tomorrow is a big day for him and for me too. Many of our divorce milestones line up. Tomorrow we both have big court days. (Pure coincidence that the court system scheduled our cases on the same day) ..... It's so awful not to be sharing these things when we went through so much of this together.

 

We have so many things in our lives that lined up like we were meant to be....

 

Three times in three different cities, we used to live down the street from each other on the exact same street and never met. But we "saw" each other many times.... Once we did meet, I remembered him walking at the lake where I used to run. Bartending at a bar I used to frequent.

 

We asked our spouses for divorce on the exact same day.....We didn't know each other yet.

 

We even planned the same wedding!.... Our themes were almost identical. My spouse didn't like mine so I did what he wanted.

 

If I had left my husband when I was first unhappy and skipped counseling for four years, he and I would have met right BEFORE he met his ex wife.

 

His daughter's middle name is mine.

 

His daughter birthday is the day before mine.

 

My son's birthday is his lucky number.

 

Our initials are the same.

 

All sounds very stupid I know....

 

We used to joke about how the universe seems to insist we be together. That we were connected right from the very start. .

 

Oh well.... Such is life. It's all over now.

[Heart of gold]

I always thought me and him were meant to be too 😞

Was doing ok until family brought this potential proposal up...totally thrown me mentally and emotionally

[Dominique]

I always thought me and him were meant to be too 😞

Was doing ok until family brought this potential proposal up...totally thrown me mentally and emotionally

 

What happened?

[Heart of gold]

What happened?

 

I met the prospect last week just to give it a chance. Didn't feel anything but can't work out is it because I still love him or because there's just nothing there. They said we'll discuss it and it just reminds me of how much of an effect he's had on my life and my ability to be happy in the near future.

My friend says oh just forget him and move on. She was in a similar situation but had five years to get over it before she met her partner and married him. It's hard when it was 2weeks ago.

[Dominique]

I met the prospect last week just to give it a chance. Didn't feel anything but can't work out is it because I still love him or because there's just nothing there. They said we'll discuss it and it just reminds me of how much of an effect he's had on my life and my ability to be happy in the near future.

My friend says oh just forget him and move on. She was in a similar situation but had five years to get over it before she met her partner and married him. It's hard when it was 2weeks ago.

 

Let me see if understand ..

 

U met a new person? U didn't feel anything for this person. No attraction.

 

U are wondering if u felt nothig for the new person because u are still into your ex?

 

Friends keep telling u to get over your ex and move on.

 

 

.....I just want to be clear of the details before I comment. Am I correct?

[Heart of gold]

Yep 👍 That's exactly it

[Dominique]

Yep 👍 That's exactly it

 

It's too soon. That's all. Your heart isn't that fickle. U need time to recover from this heart break before u will be open to a new relationship or person. U were with ur ex for a long time and u haven't been apart very long. U also aren't over him yet so how can you be with someone else so soon? That may be possible but I understand how you can't handle it right now. Makes sense to me.

 

Take your time. Your family and friends are wrong ....u need more time to heal. Jumping into someone else is not the answer.

[Heart of gold]

It's too soon. That's all. Your heart isn't that fickle. U need time to recover from this heart break before u will be open to a new relationship or person. U were with ur ex for a long time and u haven't been apart very long. U also aren't over him yet so how can you be with someone else so soon? That may be possible but I understand how you can't handle it right now. Makes sense to me.

 

Take your time. Your family and friends are wrong ....u need more time to heal. Jumping into someone else is not the answer.

 

I hate him for doing this to me. If he knew he was doing the wrong thing behind my back, if he knew he couldn't be the one that I needed, why ruin my chances of happiness? For his own selfish reasons!

 

I feel that he will never be emotionally available to anyone so he can go back to his pathetic existence and loveless marriage but I didn't want that! I wanted something that means something!

[Dominique]

I hate him for doing this to me. If he knew he was doing the wrong thing behind my back, if he knew he couldn't be the one that I needed, why ruin my chances of happiness? For his own selfish reasons!

 

I feel that he will never be emotionally available to anyone so he can go back to his pathetic existence and loveless marriage but I didn't want that! I wanted something that means something!

 

I know you do. I wish I could smack him for you just so he could feel some pain. He is awful. I'm so so sorry.

 

I'm making u that green tea now. ❤️

 

Sending u a (((hug)))

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. On/off and frequent breakups are red flags, no? It's time to get some good pics and a profile up on some dating apps. Start talking to girls again. Even if it's hanging out or casual.

 

You could have a few coffee meets or some hangouts lined up by next weekend. Get back in the saddle, don't leave voids like this.

Saturday night and I have no plans.We broke up a couple times one being one month and the most recent was last year after 7 months apart. Now again in the beginning of March.

[Collegeguy2]

I understand that very well. My ex and I had many things that pointed us to that direction as being meant to be. You listing all those just reminds me and the things why we also thought we were meant to be or maybe just a coincidence only God knows if we will be together or not and that's who I'm leaving our relationship to.

[Dominique]

I understand that very well. My ex and I had many things that pointed us to that direction as being meant to be. You listing all those just reminds me and the things why we also thought we were meant to be or maybe just a coincidence only God knows if we will be together or not and that's who I'm leaving our relationship to.

 

I read in another post to list ten things about ur ex u didn't like or that were negative. Helps take them off the pedestal. That helped me today. Try it sometime when ur up for it.

[Collegeguy2]

I read in another post to list ten things about ur ex u didn't like or that were negative. Helps take them off the pedestal. That helped me today. Try it sometime when ur up for it.

 

I tend to do that in my head a lot and then I get down on myself soon after

[Dominique]

I tend to do that in my head a lot and then I get down on myself soon after

 

Don't internalize it. That keeps the "blame" on you. Write it down...writing it down gives it away and makes it more objective. Her flaws and mistakes are not ur fault. Don't do that to yourself.

Try the exercise. Write it down.

[Collegeguy2]

Don't internalize it. That keeps the "blame" on you. Write it down...writing it down gives it away and makes it more objective. Her flaws and mistakes are not ur fault. Don't do that to yourself.

Try the exercise. Write it down.

 

Yes I think you're right I need to be more disciplined and write it out. It's interesting I've journaled over the past two break ups we had and just the other day I read it and I kept thinking woah I made the same mistakes it really helps to reflect on what happened in the past.

[Bec090]

Give yourself time to heal. I did the same at your age and wasted 7 years on a relationship that I knew should have ended earlier.

If you're both on and off so often you're trying to make something work that isn't meant to be.

You're so young.

Let it go and spend some time finding yourself. I promise you'll be ok and will look back on this one day and laugh

[Collegeguy2]

Give yourself time to heal. I did the same at your age and wasted 7 years on a relationship that I knew should have ended earlier.

If you're both on and off so often you're trying to make something work that isn't meant to be.

You're so young.

Let it go and spend some time finding yourself. I promise you'll be ok and will look back on this one day and laugh

 

Thanks Bec I know we are young and I have definitely a lot to experience at this age. You are right if it's not working now a lot has got to change before it ever does. In my personal opinion if our love was really real we would have to go spend a very long time apart, experience other things and people that we haven't done since we were 16/17 years old.

 

I definitely don't want to be stuck hoping it will eventually workout so that's what I'm working towards moving on and experiencing new things.

[Dominique]

Yes I think you're right I need to be more disciplined and write it out. It's interesting I've journaled over the past two break ups we had and just the other day I read it and I kept thinking woah I made the same mistakes it really helps to reflect on what happened in the past.

 

There is something about getting it out of your head and onto paper or Inote that makes it take on a different meaning. the energy around the thoughts change once they come out of your and off your hands ....write it down. It's not a magic bullet but it does make a difference. Try it

[Collegeguy2]

There is something about getting it out of your head and onto paper or Inote that makes it take on a different meaning. the energy around the thoughts change once they come out of your and off your hands ....write it down. It's not a magic bullet but it does make a difference. Try it

 

Thanks Dominique, therapy is tomorrow might be the last session before my school semester is over I am so glad that we are offered counselors at my university. I am currently seeing an LMFT from last semester when I was still with my ex. But I was seeing him for my anxiety issues and now the break up.

[Dominique]

Thanks Dominique, therapy is tomorrow might be the last session before my school semester is over I am so glad that we are offered counselors at my university. I am currently seeing an LMFT from last semester when I was still with my ex. But I was seeing him for my anxiety issues and now the break up.

 

I'm glad u can see a therapist. I hope it's helping u.

 

Sending u love and light.

[Collegeguy2]

I'm glad u can see a therapist. I hope it's helping u.

 

Sending u love and light.

 

Thank you Dominique. I will be praying for all those who have helped me and those going through the same.

[Dominique]

Thank you Dominique. I will be praying for all those who have helped me and those going through the same.

 

Ur kind. Keep being that way. Ur kindness will come back to you.

[Collegeguy2]

Ur kind. Keep being that way. Ur kindness will come back to you.

 

Thanks Dominique I hope you're feeling better tonight.